I have six more payments to make to finish my IVA. Six years long it's been and it isn't wrong to say I've hated every moment.


My debts went out of control, my partner didn't work enough, I ended up using a card to pay the mortgage. OK I know I over-spent too but you always think there's a chink of light around the corner. When it doesn't come, that's when the problems mount up. I was no stranger to lying awake at night in a panic, using one card and then another. Getting a loan to pay the cards, getting a new card and not cutting up the old ones.


Ended up in an IVA, and paying over £1k a month to clear my debt. OK, you will say, you must've been earning it to have to pay that much.


The five years were up last September, but I was also caught by the equity clause. Many people disregard this, I had thought that, with some large PPI payments from before the IVA, I wouldn't have to pay much. But they got for me another year, even though my final IVA amount had long been paid.


That was six months ago. Six more payments and I'm free. My monthly salary will be mine, all mine. But I have become so conditioned by this situation, I don't think I will ever enjoy spending money again. This has destroyed my relationship with money and, at 61 years of age, I doubt it will ever be healed.


My diary is going to be the last six months of this "journey" (oh how I hate that word in this context). But in this case it's the right word to use. I feel I have a certain amount of experience to qualify my statement of "Don't do it, unless you have absolutely no alternative".


It has been the most difficult thing I've ever done. Yes, there's a relief when it starts but after a while, I resented every penny that went to the IVA. I've become an expert in managing my money, can usually tell you exactly how much I do or don't have in the bank and how long it is before I get paid. I've resented all the PPI they claimed back, and how little saw its way into my IVA account after the claims company had creamed it off. I've resented my friends' and colleagues' holidays, new cars, new furniture, when we can't have any of these. I've even resented having to make my own lunch!


I've beat myself up mentally for being so stupid, but it's a slippery slope when the debts start to climb. And don't the credit card companies just love to put your interest rates up when you get in that situation!


OK, let's try and end on a positive note here. When you can't afford to buy new clothes, you don't put weight on! Today that's as good as it gets, it will get better I tell myself, especially on days when the sun shines, the trains run on time and I can treat myself to a free Waitrose coffee!