How do people manage sorting the affairs of the deceased

Mistermeaner · 19 July 2019 at 11:05AM

Hi All

General question and interested in peoples thoughts.

Having recently been throught he experience of losing my mum and then managing all of the stuff around the funeral, the will, probate and sorting the financial affairs left at the end of someones life, as well as dealing with all the emotion of the situation and the impact of it on myself and the wider family (including my dad, siblings and grandkids etc.) I am now aware of exactly how much is involved. It has been incredibly demanding to say the least.

I did 'take on' perhaps more than was necessarily required by managing probate myself but the bulk of work has been administrative 'house hold' management type stuff like sorting out bills and bank accounts and cars and tax and pensions and and and

This has been hours upon hours of work and I was lucky that my mum was fairly well organised - I was able to find stuff in files. even so there are still outstanding things to sort (as some may see from my posts)

Some lives will be simpler and some will be much much more complicated (i.e. my dad has remained in the family home so that wasn't sold)

I consider myself to be fairly competent at stuff like this, am quite well organised and have access to plenty of resources to help. Even so its been demanding

It's made me think about how do most people manage in this situation? Is it usual for family to do all this running around and sorting of stuff? While a solicitor may help with certain things I can't imagine they do the mundane ringing round of utilities companies and phone companies etc. (or if they did it would cost the estate a fortune)

What do folk less able do? Or perhaps an elderly widower without children nearby to help? How the estate get sorted from an administrative point of view?

I could imagine without proactive approach so much stuff would just not get done, eventually bank accounts would go overdrawn, bills not get paid, letters and demands would pile up, action would be taken and things would escalate..... im sure firms are sympathetic but business is business and debts are debts and ultimately someone needs to manage the admin of all this so how does this happen when there isn't someone like me doing it?

lisyloo · 19 July 2019 at 11:51AM

We had 6 adults in our family who were able to help with varying skills so we all mucked in.

I would expect in some cases that local authorities or mortgage companies just step in and do what they have to do, for example a mortgage company might just pay a professional house clearinng company.
In some cases Im sure there is abuse from "freinds".

In some cases it may be best for people to select a professional executor such as a solicitor.
They would deal with house clearances, cars, bill etc. but clearly not in a very cost effective manner.

Rodders53 · 19 July 2019 at 12:42PM

I assisted my late M-i-L when her husband died with the filing of Probate (needed to get some savings transferred) as she was the sole beneficiary.

A few years later I helped my wife (sole child, beneficiary and executrix) to do the same. Clear the house and sell. {Clearance was probably the most taxing part.}

Both were simple enough as both well inside IHT issues. No mortgages or other debts of import. M-i-L death was not unexpected but exact timing was. So some bits had preparation (including selection of FD, and some aspects of the funeral). She was pretty well organised wrt to financial matters so that was easier than may be for many?

The Executors decide what to do. Choose them wisely. Residuary beneficiaries are motivated to take on things to save paying (expensive) solicitors!

Legal advice may be needed with some Estates and can be got as needed. Much fact-finding / sorting / clearing will need to be done by beneficiaries even if Solicitors are Executors (unless they employ others and charge the earth to do so).

Intestate estates of lone people end up here: https://www.gov.uk/government/organisations/bona-vacantia

bouicca21 · 19 July 2019 at 12:48PM

Keeping busy after a bereavement is very helpful for the grieving process. Emptying a property is far worse emotionally than sorting out probate. It’s like throwing someone’s life away.

TBagpuss · 19 July 2019 at 1:12PM

Solicitors can and do do the running around, speaking to utilities etc if it is necessary. they can also do, or arrange, for things like clearing a house. (years ago, as a summer job during university I worked for a firm of solicitors and one of the things I did was going (with a coworker) to the house of someone who had died in order to search for and collect paperwork and things like jewellry (and, in one case, mumerous envelopes full of cash, which the deceased had hidden, presumably for safekeeping, everywhere. We wondered, afterwards, whether we had found it all or whether someone buying a wardrobe or old clothes from a charity shop later got a nice surprise!))

I think for some people, dealing with it is helpful as it gives them something ractical to do and helpd in coping with the bereavement, and for others, doing it slowly is a way of gradually saying goodbye and leting go (and sometims, if you have diferent family members with differnet needs it can get fraught. When my grandma died, my mother as one of the executors had to tread a very siplomatic line as one of her sisters wanted to do eveything very quickly and get it done, and another neded time to grieve first, and thengo through things slowly..)

Mistermeaner · 19 July 2019 at 1:15PM

bouicca21 wrote: »

Keeping busy after a bereavement is very helpful for the grieving process. Emptying a property is far worse emotionally than sorting out probate. It’s like throwing someone’s life away.

agreed on both counts; the busy - ness was good in a way and also going through old papers was nice in some respects, but also lots of sad moments as well - agree with the sentiment of throwing someones life away.

Its funny little stuff like I have mums old phone, don't know what to do with it. Part of me says wipe it and give it to one of the kids, another part of me can't bring myself to do that.

Hectors_House · 21 July 2019 at 10:40AM

I moved to where I am now with my partner (at his behest) only for us to split up soon after.

He has no family (both parents died of dementia and he never married).

He’s told me what he wants for his funeral but has not got anything in place despite there being three funeral homes in the village. I have told him I can’t afford to pay for it.

He has always been a hoarder and his cottage is a mess. If he has a will I’m not aware of it.

I work away from home for weeks at a time but he contacts me via social media most days.

One of my fears is coming back from work and finding he’s died as he leads a very unhealthy life now. He doesn’t seem bothered about what will happen to the cottage. Many of the things there are mine ( approx 3000 books for instance).

All I can do is gently encourage him to put some sort of plan in place and hope he listens.

4leafclover_2 · 21 July 2019 at 11:41PM

You are only entitled to 3 days off work (some people may not even get that) if you lose your parents. Not much when you live a long distance away. It can take a week to get paperwork together and then there are funeral arrangements, if the coroner allows. You end up taking your holiday, that is still not enough. Then as you say there is the grief to deal with. I would have loved some unpaid holiday to support my father when he was left alone, and to sort myself out when I lost him. Or to see both of them more before they died. That is all before you even start to deal with house, tax, bills and people chasing for money relentlessly such as council tax. But the death of your parents does not seem to be significant to anyone but yourself. Fixed fee companies come in and offer to take the weight off you for 7-10K or so and you realise these people who are charging so much are way less competent than yourself. It all feels like it is happening to someone else so thats probably how you get through it.

TBagpuss · 22 July 2019 at 5:03PM

4leafclover wrote: »

You are only entitled to 3 days off work (some people may not even get that) if you lose your parents. .

There is no automatic right to time off for bereavement at all.

You have the general tight to take unpaid emergency leave for dependnetns, which may cover an initial day or two if your parent was a dependent or if your employer is willing to treat them that way for the purpsies of elave.

Many employers will also ofre compassionate leave, paid or unpaid, but there is no automatic entitlment.

Unfortuantely you are likely to need to use some of your annual leave, or request additional unpaid time off.

TBagpuss · 22 July 2019 at 5:10PM

Hectors_House wrote: »

I moved to where I am now with my partner (at his behest) only for us to split up soon after.

He has no family (both parents died of dementia and he never married).

He’s told me what he wants for his funeral but has not got anything in place despite there being three funeral homes in the village. I have told him I can’t afford to pay for it.

He has always been a hoarder and his cottage is a mess. If he has a will I’m not aware of it.

I work away from home for weeks at a time but he contacts me via social media most days.

One of my fears is coming back from work and finding he’s died as he leads a very unhealthy life now. He doesn’t seem bothered about what will happen to the cottage. Many of the things there are mine ( approx 3000 books for instance).

All I can do is gently encourage him to put some sort of plan in place and hope he listens.

Are you still living together despite havibng split up?

If not, then start to move your stuff out.

If you are, then forget whether he has a plan, make sure that *you* have one - start saving for a deposit so you can rent somewhere, keep records of which items are yours anywhere possible make sure thsat you have recepts.

Ypu would not have any obligation to organise a funeral or forthe cottage to be cleared, if he were to die. However, if you did arrange the funeral then you would be responsible for the cost, although you would usually be able to claim this back - many banks will make payment directly to a funderal home out of someone's account, even before probate has ben granted.

telking the landlord / council etc isn't intermeddling, but starting to clear the cottage or sell his stuff might be.

In fairness, if he has no family and is currently single, one could argue that there is no particualr reason why he should care what happens when he is gone. It's arguably a bit selfish, as it sumps the problem in someone else's lap, but you don't have to make it your problem.

If he owns the cottage then heirhunters may end up digging up distant relatives, if he rents it then the landlord will probably end up clearing it.

Fen1 · 22 July 2019 at 7:28PM

The greatest gift you can leave your beneficiaries is a well organised estate. It doesn't matter how much money there is if it's left in an out-of-date or invaild or opaque will or no will at all. It doesn't matter how grand the estate if the paperwork is so chaotic that it would make a Dickensian novel look like Jackanory.
Your beneficiaries and executors will curse you to hell and back.

No matter how modest your estate, or how simple *you* think things are, get your paperwork sorted!

Of course, I'm preaching to the choir here.......

How do people manage sorting the affairs of the deceased

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