Joint Bank Account Issue

Hi All,

I'm not sure if this is the right forum or whether it should be under the money advice section.

I had hoped to not be in this position but I am in a difficult situation.

I've been living with my now wife and latter daughter in our current house for 16 years. When we took out the joint mortgage we also setup a joint current account with Barclays to cover the household expenses; mortgage, utility bills and groceries. This left us each having our own independent accounts for other personal expenses.

Unfortunately my wife lost her job a few years ago, she won’t disclose how, and has been unable to find any work since then. I was, with hindsight, overtly generous and paid for nursery fees from savings so my wife could concentrate looking for paid employment. She wasn't successful while our daughter was at nursery and still hasn't following a year and a term of schooling. Additionally, I have tried to discuss household finances and budgeting but she either listens apparently sympathetically and carries on regardless or gets irate and says I don't lover her. This latterly isn't true, the major issue is money that now has to be addressed with her support or not.

Because she doesn't either look at bank statements, or budgets, she assumes that I'll be forever funding her expenses she uses her debit card as much as she wants. Her personal account, also with Barclays, was closed by the bank. I briefly spoke to the telephone banking team who advised they can’t do anything directly with card payments as they are guaranteed. All they could suggest is go into the branch when the account is held to discuss further.

The added complication is that I have an inherited house that I'm just maintaining; I hand planned to rent out but not can't afford to do the necessary repairs due to the spent savings. My wife expects me to sell the house and presumably thinks she'll be able to use the proceeds; this is not something I'm prepared to do.

A few months ago I found a recent transaction from a consumer debt collection agency, Robinson Way Limited, and an associated direct debit which I was unaware of; the latter I cancelled. I haven’t spoken to her as I feel that even mentioning with cause a bust-up and she hasn’t said anything. I also have had to pay £250 so far this year in bank charges.

Our personalities are very different, she just wan’t to have the lifestyle she expects but for me, having both parents as trained accountants, the need for managing finances and saving for unexpected occurrences was instilled at a very early age.

I’m really not sure where to go from here diplomatically. The ‘nuclear option’ would be to break the joint mandate but I’m wondering if there’s anything else I can do ? My best mate suggested cancelling the overdraft but I'm not sure whether that would work.

I doubt that she’d take kindly to counselling.

Any thoughts ?