A diary about debt, dilemmas and a dog

Hello anyone who might be reading

I'm writing this to help with my decision making in relation to a dilemma.

Here is my slightly unusual situation... I'm a 44 year old single mum, I've been in debt since the first opportunity to 'spend extra money' presented itself to me when I was 18. At the worst point my debt stood at about 42k (I'm using a foreign laptop with no pound sign, bear with me!) and currently stands at around 13,500. Nothing too unusual there, right?

Last year, I got a new car on a PCP, managed to get myself onto the property ladder and bought a puppy... then I had what seemed like the opportunity of a lifetime and I was offered job in Vietnam. It was an amazing job with a massive salary and a full expat benefits package, I wasn't happy in my job in the UK so I thought great, let's go. So in August 2017, my 17 year old son, my puppy and I flew to Vietnam for an exiting new life and untold riches.

Of course, life isn't like that is it? My son HATED it and before 3 weeks were out he was back in the UK living with his father. Of course, I was a wealthy expat filled with single parent guilt, having just taken my boy away from his entire life and now I was sending him back to a different part of the UK away from all his mates... so when he asked me if he could fly business class... yup, 1500 on my credit card.

Having only recently taken out the PCP on my car, I had a choice of either letting it sit on my driveway or giving it back to the finance company along with a payment for the balance of 50% of the car's value... another 5k to pay.

I decided not to rent my house out.. it needs to be decorated and have new carpets and having spoken to a friend who works in property it was going to cost me 1000+ to get it ready to rent, and with my son back in the UK and not wanting to pay out any more money, I decided to keep it empty.

So, I tried to get my head down in Vietnam, just me and my best friend the dog. It was hard. It was really hard, and nothing like I had expected. I wanted to go home. I missed my friends and my family and my life, but I couldn't go home because I'd taken on an apartment with a 12 month lease... paid for by the company but with no break-clause and if I left early I'd have to pay the penalty of 3 months rent... around 7,500, and there's a clause in my contract stating that if I leave within the first year of employment I have to repay the costs incurred by the company of bringing me out to Vietnam.. flights, visas etc. The lease on my apartment runs until 7 October and I have a 3-month notice period.

So I had no choice, I was stuck here.

It was difficult with the dog, I found it hard to find anywhere to walk him properly and I travel quite a bit with my job so he was having to go to a dog boarding house which was more guilt for me, so in January I decided to send him back to the UK. It cost 3500 to send him home. I found somewhere for him to stay until I go back for the summer holidays and he's well looked after... but he's my dog and I want him back when I eventually go home. I miss him terribly.

Now to the debt and dilemma. I currently owe about 13,500. I can repay about 2000 a month currently so it'll be cleared by Christmas, if I stay here. But I want to go home, I desperately want to go home. I am on a permanent emotional rollercoaster, completely torn between these scenarios:

1. I go home at the beginning of October, with some debt left, no money in the bank and no job (at the moment although I’ve started applying for things, hoping that being in Vietnam and interviewing over Skype will work). I’m fairly confident that I’ll be able to get some work, but I’m absolutely terrified of the possibility of that not happening, not being able to pay my mortgage or other bills and ending up in massive debt again

2. I stay in Vietnam until the end of March… the reason I’ve picked this date is that if I stay, I should stay until bonuses are paid at Christmas – you don’t get your bonus if you’ve handed in your notice at the time they’re paid. So, I’d need to wait for my bonus which is around 12k, then give my 3 months’ notice. I could go home with around 30k in my pocket, no debt stress and enough money to tide me over until I get a job. I could probably grit my teeth and manage this if it weren’t for the dog….

3. I save frantically between onw and October so I've got some cash, carry on making minimum payments on everything for now and worry about the debts when I get home and find a job.

The dog
My beautiful dog Teddy is a springer spaniel and I adore him. He’s currently living with some friends and having a lovely time, but they can’t keep him until March. When he first went back to the UK he was going to live with my son and ex-husband until I cam home. However, after Teddy arrived in the UK and was in quarantine, something changed and this wasn’t an option any longer so I had a week to make an alternative arrangement. At the time I thought I’d just sort something until July when I’m back in the UK for a holiday and then I can sort something else… but the something else is proving to be a little more difficult than I envisaged. October I could probably sort… but March…..

I think I might have to bring him back out here, hire a dog nanny to care for him when I travel and take the costs out of my bonus. I’d still have 25k-ish to go home with, more money than I ever thought I’d have in the bank. But… I could go round in circles all day, and in my mind, that’s exactly what I do.

Please don't suggest rehoming the dog permanently, that's not an option I'm willing to consider at the moment.

So, that’s my dog, and my debt, and my huge dilemma. When I’m being rational, I think just wait and see if you manage to get a job in the UK. If you have a job by the time you come back to Vietnam after the summer holidays, resign at the beginning of August and go home. If not…. Bring the dog back.. then I think Oh just go home, take a risk and be happy.

Wow, an essay….

In my next installment… the various scenarios I’ve got for paying the debt and attempting to get an emergency fund together.
Watch this space!