My Hubby hid his debt from me for 18 months!

enthusiasticsaver · 26 April 2018 at 2:50PM

Brilliant doing the holiday on a budget. Having paid out for flights I would have gone too and it does not seem to have had any impact on the debt so well done on that. 2 and a bit years does not sound too bad but of course you have a combined income of £100k gross and no kids? That certainly will help. Hope your OH is now totally on board with not throwing money around. I am a bit gobsmacked still he lent out £4k while having £41k of debt on credit cards. Hopefully he has more of a clue when it comes to money now.

Freckles · 26 April 2018 at 3:12PM

enthusiasticsaver wrote: »

you have a combined income of £100k gross and no kids? That certainly will help. Hope your OH is now totally on board with not throwing money around. I am a bit gobsmacked still he lent out £4k while having £41k of debt on credit cards. Hopefully he has more of a clue when it comes to money now.

Yes, that's correct and no plan for kids either so that shouldn't have an impact on our finances either.
The £4k was money he had taken out with one of the cards so it's part of the total amount owed, I honestly cannot get my head around that part and even he doesn't know why he did that!

He is definitely more aware now, I sit with him each month and we check to make sure the money has cleared the bank and on to the card then we fill the spreadsheet in and see what's left and on which cards. On top of this, we also allocate the money that is being paid back from friends to individual cards depending on which one has the most left and least amount of 0% time left on it.
I honestly don't understand what happened as he was ok with money, we had a few family issues over the last 2 years which I think contributed to it as he just wanted to make people happy. Unfortunately, that was at the expense of himself and then it got out of hand and he couldn't stop.
We are most definitely on the same page and the right one now, we've even set ourselves little treat goals so we don't risk just sitting at home because we have this money to pay off. For example, it's my birthday this weekend so we've bought cheap return train tickets to London for the day, we are going to do one or two of the walking tours from the site and I have a 50% off Pizza Express Voucher for dinner. He's worried it's not going to be much of a celebration but I am looking forward to being with him and making memories

DigForVictory · 26 April 2018 at 3:46PM

So often these threads chart the path to wikivorce and or bankruptcy.

Here, you are not just fixing the problem, you are having (very thoroughly considered) fun too - this is what MSE ways are about!

Very glad America cooperated & hoping you enjoy the birthday pizza!

Freckles · 2 May 2018 at 9:33AM

DigForVictory wrote: »

So often these threads chart the path to wikivorce and or bankruptcy.

Here, you are not just fixing the problem, you are having (very thoroughly considered) fun too - this is what MSE ways are about!

Very glad America cooperated & hoping you enjoy the birthday pizza!

Thank you DigForVictory, I should hope that if OH ever doubted my love for him this will have proved it :rotfl:

Birthday was great, a friend surprised me with tickets to go up the shard, all booked and paid for, so I got to see London on a very grey, foggy day. The fog was a shame but until it rolled in fully it was a lovely site.
We had a lovely bimble around Covent garden, we had Oyster cards that had about £10 on each from last year so in my eyes, they were already paid for. It was a lovely, chilled out and relaxing weekend.

So now all of the big things are out of the way it's time to face the hurdles of the summer (when it arrives!!!). Let's see what next hurdle is that comes upon us, no random weekends away unless they are cheap or free, no stopping at the pub on a sunny afternoon unless we have vouchers or it's free. I plan to have a great summer and do it on a tight budget.

I have summer meal plans in place, I have shopping lists ready to go which will be stuck to, no buying anything we don't need. I have my phone locked and loaded with the mysupermarket app so I can find the cheapest options for everything I need. I live within walking distance of Aldi, lidl, Asda, Co-op and Tesco so if I need to go to each I will and I won't drive.
I actually can't wait to see how this pans out, with the amount of time and effort I have put into getting us back on track and entertainment I've thrown in with it it's going to be an interesting time

Seasidegal58 · 6 May 2018 at 12:05PM

You sound really organised for the summer freckles. Interesting plan tho have to go to each individual supermarket so that you buy whatever you need at the lowest price. Looking forward to hearing how you get on and how much you save.

Good luck!

Freckles · 15 May 2018 at 11:20AM

New update

We've hit a bump in the road, it could be a financial advantage for us though.

Last week OH was admitted to the hospital, on bank holiday Monday, with severe abdominal pain which turned out to be appendicitis. Due to complications he had surgery and was kept in hospital, I pick him up this afternoon

He is well on the way to getting better but it is going to take some time bless him.

Obviously, I then incurred extra costs, trips to the hospital, parking, food and drink etc. money I wouldn't normally spend. I tried getting the bus to the hospital instead of driving but a 15 minute trip in the car took nearly 2 hours and 2 bus changes :eek: I saw parts of my city I never knew existed!! I just couldn't put up with that amount of wasted time.

On the plus side, OH will be coming home, the downside to that is he will be at home for 4 weeks so again more costs to fork out for electricity etc. that wouldn't normally be used.

Another plus side, he has medical coverage through work and because he didn't go private he will get paid £150 for each night he was in hospital totalling £1200. Once the extra costs we have incurred have been taken out of that (trips to hospital, electricity - luckily no heating this time of year) we are looking at about £800 left over. That's £800 to go towards paying off our debt!

So you see our little bump in the road has turned out to be a financial gain, obviously at the detriment to poor OH's health but he is on the mend. So far he is being a good patient, at the hospital, lets see if he is still that good once I get him home

Freckles · 14 June 2018 at 11:19AM

knightstyle wrote: »

Well done you! Many years ago i was in a similar situation and came out of it divorced and looking after two children whilst working full time, by the way I am a man! My ex still kept spending on cancelled joint cards!!!!
Have you thought of giving hubby just one card to use that you keep tabs on every week?
Oh plus some friends have cheap holidays by house and pet sitting, just pay to get there.

Sorry, I thought I'd replied to you on this, I feel for you, my OH's ex did something similar and cleared out their bank account (you'd think he would have learnt!).
He is on one card a week now which makes it so much easier to keep track of, it's his work AMEX so it has to be paid off each month. The bonus is points as well as keeping track of spending.

Freckles · 14 June 2018 at 12:02PM

So Hubby started back to work this week, still on reduced hours but he is back on his feet.

Whilst he has been off he has been very industrious sorting through stuff we've been meaning to sell for, what seems like, ages. So far he has managed to sell:
Speakers, table, chairs, radios, an almost new bike, a phone, a freezer and a BBQ netting us a grand total of £500, all of which has gone onto the credit cards.

He also received his payout from the medical cover which also paid off a chunk of the cards. I did let him spend a small amount on a 2nd hand Xbox to keep him entertained whilst he was off, I think that was £100, it included a tone of games and a controller. He mentioned last night that now he is at work again he might sell it on again.

He is doing so well staying within his budget, he's even purged the freezer and used up stuff that has been in there a little while. I will add we have had some interesting concoctions for dinner the last few weeks :rotfl:

It was our wedding anniversary this week too so instead of going out for dinner, we had a lovely picnic on the heath, glorious sunshine, and a nice chilled afternoon.

So onwards and upwards for us, lets see what the next 6 months brings us.

Freckles · 8 August 2018 at 11:42AM

So we have tried to be good with the scrimping but not been ideal tbh. I have found I am slipping into buying my lunches again, I have been so hot in the evenings I just can't be bothered to make them.
I gave myself a good pep talk at the weekend and started the week off well, well until last night when I completely forgot to make today's lunch and went straight to bed! I really must try harder.
On the plus side, when I have been buying my lunch I have made sure I only buy reduced items, I will take a tour around the shops in town until I find a decent deal and buy that. I know it's not as cheap as making your own but it's better than paying full price (did I justify that well enough?) #musttryharder

Hubby, on the other hand, has been doing really well. He has stuck to his budget, in fact, some weeks he has hardly touched it. I think now he is back in full swing at work because he is away from home so much and most of it is expensed, he isn't spending any of our money. He has also been putting some of his budgeted amounts straight onto the cards.
I am so proud of what he has managed to achieve in the 7 months since we started this long journey, we are £13.5k down from the £41k original debt.
He has completely turned everything around, he's gone veggie too which has made our food budget go further as I am buying less meat. I am afraid I cannot bring myself to be veggie fully but I am trying to have a couple of veggie meals a week.
He is doing much better than me, see lunch comment above!

One of the 'friends in need' has completely paid back their debt to us as of last week so that's a great start and the other still has £1k to pay.

In full, there is still work to be done (namely reigning my useless !!!! in when it comes to lunch), there are always places and options to save money. We are doing well and slowly getting there.
So, for me, August's mantra is #musttryharder

Starmummy · 8 August 2018 at 1:10PM

Wow. what an understanding person you are. It is really positive for me to see how debt effects the other partner. My debts are pre-Mr Star and I am guilty of not always understanding how he feels about it or from taking his help.
Although we seem to have turned that corner in recent weeks.

You are doing amazingly well. Your household income is similar to ours with Mr Star earning the huge share and me a similar amount to you. Knowing how to divvy up responsibilities has been a sticking point. It's interesting to see a married couple who mostly keep their finances separate (as we do).

I shall subscribe and follow your progress.

Take care
SM

My Hubby hid his debt from me for 18 months!

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