My friend realised he loves his ex after she broke-up with him. What should he do?

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JamesFuller
JamesFuller Posts: 85 Forumite
in Marriage, relationships & families
Hello all,

I have a friend who has realised he loves his ex-girlfriend after she broke up with him.

One of the stated reasons she gave is she thought he didn't like her as much as she did. During the break-up talk she gave he did say he liked her and wish he expressed it, but she said it is too late.

It is 3 months since the break up and he is still finding it hard and thinks about her every day. What should he do?

He feels like he doesn't have closure, but also maybe he wants a second chance.

She hasn't contacted him since the break-up.
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  • ska_lover
    ska_lover Posts: 3,773 Forumite
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    ahh I wonder why he has trouble showing his emotions? or why it would have taken the split to happen for him to realise

    Well we all make mistakes in matters of the heart

    To be honest though I am wondering how much more closure he wants? She sounds like she has been upfront at the time about her reasons, and the fact there has been no contact for three months, does spell closure to me ...it isn't like she is stringing him along

    Having said that, there is nothing to stop him contacting her in a non direct way - letter or email...and see if there is any response - if not, he needs to let it go
    The opposite of what you know...is also true
  • Alikay
    Alikay Posts: 5,147 Forumite
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    He needs to talk to her. The actual message is more important than the method of delivery, but the sooner the better so she doesn't move on and meet someone else or use one of those "get over your ex" techniques women's magazines are always on about :)
  • seashore22
    seashore22 Posts: 1,443 Forumite
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    How old are they? You use the words "love" and "like" interchangeably in your post. Which is it? "I like you" sounds like something a schoolchild says to someone they fancy and suggests an element of immaturity. Is this because they are young or simply not ready for a proper grown up relationship?
  • JamesFuller
    JamesFuller Posts: 85 Forumite
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    Yes he has. He knows he should show his feelings more. Women can't guess, and she wanted a verbal communication that he liked her.

    The thing is she tends to show all the personal messages to her female friends and she will end up showing any further contact he has with her to her friends also. Whether this is through email, text messages, call, or even in person.

    He mainly wants another chance to talk to her, and if she says no he will walk away for good.
  • seashore22
    seashore22 Posts: 1,443 Forumite
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    Looking at some of you other posts I'm wondering if the "friend" is actually you op.
  • JamesFuller
    JamesFuller Posts: 85 Forumite
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    seashore22 wrote: »
    How old are they? You use the words "love" and "like" interchangeably in your post. Which is it? "I like you" sounds like something a schoolchild says to someone they fancy and suggests an element of immaturity. Is this because they are young or simply not ready for a proper grown up relationship?

    They are both 32 and met online.
  • seashore22
    seashore22 Posts: 1,443 Forumite
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    How long have they been together?

    So which is it, like or love?
  • -taff
    -taff Posts: 14,538 Forumite
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    When it's over, it's over. She hasn't ontacted him so all he'll be doing is saying sorry I didn't talk to you enough.
    Women do things like that [telling friends about ex's and what they've done] so there's nothing new there.
    Tell him to forget her and talk more to the next one.
    Shampoo? No thanks, I'll have real poo...
  • Pollycat
    Pollycat Posts: 34,719 Forumite
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    seashore22 wrote: »
    How old are they? You use the words "love" and "like" interchangeably in your post. Which is it? "I like you" sounds like something a schoolchild says to someone they fancy and suggests an element of immaturity. Is this because they are young or simply not ready for a proper grown up relationship?

    My first thought too.
    They sound like young teenagers.

    If this is 3 months ago and he still doesn't know what to do, his ex-girlfriend has had a lucky escape.
  • JamesFuller
    JamesFuller Posts: 85 Forumite
    edited 9 August 2018 at 2:59PM
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    Pollycat wrote: »
    My first thought too.
    They sound like young teenagers.

    If this is 3 months ago and he still doesn't know what to do, his ex-girlfriend has had a lucky escape.

    I don't think it's as bad as that, I've had lots of chats with him and I think he realises he was a bit emotionally stunted.

    He showed her lots of affection in ways such as telling her how pretty she is, holding hands, bringing food for her, medications when they travel (she had allergies), but maybe not enough as the relationship was reaching 1.5 years together.

    He realises he has to show affection more to make her or a woman feel good. He has a great job, seems financially OK as a normal guy, lives a healthy lifestyle.

    He feels like an idiot for some of these mistakes he made but they weren't big mistakes as per what causes other couples to break-up, but goes to show break-ups can happen for lots of reasons.

    He understands totally why she broke up with him, but thinks they could have worked it through by having a serious conversation. Instead she broke-up so he is feeling guilty and left with a lot of "what could have been" in his head.
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