feel like i cannot live
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Terry_Towelling wrote: »Fair comment; telling someone to work 'harder' does imply they aren't doing so at the moment. However, in defence of the post that mentioned working, it said to 'work more'. To me that is not judgmental but, if you feel trapped by your circumstances, I guess you could take it the wrong way.
I’m sure no offence was meant. My observation of this forum is that some posters are very to the point and it can come across a bit harsh at times.0 -
Op
Did you ever considering asking if you could opt out of auto increased payments.
I've had some limited success, might be worth a call.Replenished CRA Reports.2020 Nissan Leaf 128-149 miles top charge. Savings depleted. VM Stream tv M250 Volted to M350 then M500 since returned to 1gb0 -
Wow. I honestly never knew the judgemental comments sometimes made on the forum were not intentional. This thread was full of them, from my own perspective, at least. If you care to learn how you may be coming across to sensitive people such as myself let me expandThe CC companies are correct in asking for higher payments
An alternative comment would be to help the OP look at alternatives to paying so much.
Could they consider bankruptcy or get an advocate to help negotiate reduced interest on debts and reduced repayments. A link to a service that can help https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/debt-and-money/borrowing-money/credit-cards/if-youre-struggling-with-credit-card-debt/ Of course, I'm not the only poster on the thread to suggest this. Its easy to feel like you’re drowning and can't find a solution when you’re in the middle of it all. It's ok and really good to ask for help.Work more
An alternative would be to give the OP the benefit of the doubt and assume they are already doing all they can work-wise. So your comment would be more like
I'm going to assume you are already doing all you can work wise.Right, so it was a minimum payment increase, not a credit limit increase.
You didn't say that, so it wasn't clear.
The alternative is to simply move on, say nothing, be constructive and help the OP.If you thought the £100 was an issue you should have made contact with them and informed them that, not just left it.
The Alternative is to empathise with how painful receiving such a letter is, 'I can't imagine how painful it is to get a letter like that'.
In pratical terms on how to get things sorted. Give helpful links. Did I mention https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/debt-and-money/borrowing-money/credit-cards/if-youre-struggling-with-credit-card-debt/you need to speak to a debt charity like StepChangeWhy aren't you talking to your creditors and explaining your issues?
I interpret the comment as you telling them off, and that you can't imagine a good reason for someone not to be doing this, only stupid lazy ones.
Alternative: If you are finding it too difficult to explain things to your creditors you can get an advocate.They won't bite your head off.
Alternative is to assume they may need help from an advocate to sort this out.What about your husband? You're in this together - is he helping you at all?
Alternative would be to say 'Are you comfortable asking family for help?'You either need help, or you don't - so which is it?
Alternative would be to say ... 'Sorry, I really didn't mean to come across blunt in my response'.if you are already struggling mentally and sensitive to the way in which people respond to you then perhaps an internet forum is not the right place for you to seek help.
I'm glad to have helped you make less judgmental remarks :T0 -
You interpret a lot it seems.
However a dose of truth and reality is what is required here0 -
Only if it helps, surely?0
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Interesting hypocrisy being judged as 'judgemental' - but I do take your point Fuzzything - and you are right that we could all temper our wording sometimes, but, in the end, we're just 'getting on with it'.
To be clear, I never had any intention to judge and if you read my entire post you will have seen some practical suggestions too. I also don't believe that you interpreted anything as you are stating; I suspect you have thought long and hard about ways in which you could empathise with the OP (which is a good thing, of course) and then thought even harder about the negative connotations you could then spin into our words.
However you choose to spin things, your interpretation of my words in particular is personal to you (and that's fine) but I have to assure you that it does not reflect my intentions when writing them.
We are not psychologists or diplomats (well, some of us might be) we are just people making suggestions. One could interpret some of your suggested language as borderline patronising and condescending but I know you wouldn't have written it with any such intent, so I know not to impose that interpretation upon it.
The 'tone', 'intent' or 'inflection' used by posters is notoriously difficult to interpret. If we have to carry out an in-depth analysis of our wording to cater for those who choose to read what they think is between the lines rather than what is actually on them, we're going to suffer complete paralysis.
To show you how it works, I've interpreted your latest postonly if it helps, surely?
Lastly, I thank you for pointing out the need to be more sensitive and will do my best in the future - please do not interpret that as sarcasm.:)0
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