Help - 35k in debt

ohbumstoitall · 31 August 2017 at 4:21PM

I'm in a dire situation. Family of 3, I've got us into 35k worth of debt. Can't see a way out. Husband is at university, when he finishes his income will drop to £666 a month (as the currenty figure includes his student finance). Most of the debts are 0% til March 2018 at least (some go up to 2019)
My issue is that I've only recently dug my head out of the sand, I've accrued all of this debt by myself. I reckon 5k of it is on takeaways so I can attribute that tiny amount to my husband.

Thing is, he finishes university next year and unless he gets a full time job our finances will be even more screwed. I absolutely hate myself for doing this. There was no need. I just want want want. I wanted a carpet cleaner because our floors were dirty. I wanted a new hoover as our one didn't pick up the dog hair. I wanted a new sofa because the old one was too long for the living room (but manageable). I wanted a Mac. I wanted a camera. I wanted a new ipad.

Oh I wanted a new iphone whereas my husband was only allowed a £150 Moto.

I'm a horrible person. I'm literally the worst. I've deprived him of things whilst buying everything for me. I am very insecure, I don't have many friends I'm terribly overweight so I can kinda understand why I've been like this but have sacrified my husbands happiness to fulfil my selfishness. I'm not depressed I just feel like poop

Help. Please. Tell me what to do.

Statement of Affairs and Personal Balance Sheet

Household Information
Number of adults in household........... 2
Number of children in household......... 1
Number of cars owned.................... 1 I have a lease car til February 2020, paid through work everything is included apart from fuel. The car detailed here is husbands banger which he uses to get to university

Monthly Income Details
Monthly income after tax................ 1235.18 can't get more, part of it goes to the car lease and also im currently being put through courses so one day I will be able to get more but not for at least 3 years
Partners monthly income after tax....... 1266 combination of part time job and student finance. finishes university in June 2018
Benefits................................ 82.2
Other income............................ 0
Total monthly income.................... 2583.38

Monthly Expense Details
Mortgage................................ 0
Secured/HP loan repayments.............. 0
Rent.................................... 600
Management charge (leasehold property).. 0
Council tax............................. 120
Electricity............................. 27
Gas..................................... 27
Oil..................................... 0
Water rates............................. 36
Telephone (land line)................... 0
Mobile phone............................ 18 for two mobiles
TV Licence.............................. 12.12
Satellite/Cable TV...................... 13this is netflix and spotify which we share
Internet Services....................... 27 internet and landline
Groceries etc. ......................... 200 We did actually spend £300 last month but its not acceptable
Clothing................................ 20
Petrol/diesel........................... 150covers me driving to work and OH driving to the city - train for him would cost more and we'd need to pay for more childcare
Road tax................................ 13
Car Insurance........................... 25 pay annually
Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 30I save this, when I get to a certain amount I put half towards debt
Car parking............................. 0
Other travel............................ 0
Childcare/nursery....................... 200 wrap around childcare at school adn during the summer holidays. It's an average so I save it up in childcare vouchers throughout the year
Other child related expenses............ 10 put aside to pay for school trips
Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 30 Prescriptions and dentakl
Pet insurance/vet bills................. 100 Two dogs, as they are young I pay £28 a month for a vet care plan, Insurance is £27, not sure on food as its home cooked and raw and I am also saving to have both of them spayed
Buildings insurance..................... 0
Contents insurance...................... 12.5 paid yearly
Life assurance ......................... 0
Other insurance......................... 0
Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 10 I buy all of next years presents in the January sales
Haircuts................................ 20 I rarely get my hair cut, this pays for OH and son. They won't entertain me doing it myself. I did OH once and he didn't speak to me for an entire day
Entertainment........................... 50 Covers National Trust membership which covers parking at a place we like to take the dogs every week as well as the odd trip to the cinema
Holiday................................. 0
Emergency fund.......................... 66
My expenses............................. 35 Covers bits and bobs, team lunch once a month or makeup or a book
OH University Expenses.................. 50 Husband gets this because I accrued all the debt WHILST taking all of his pay when he was working full time to pay the bills. This is an amount that we agreed he would be okay with till we're out of debt. Any less and he will be depressed and very bitter
Total monthly expenses.................. 1901.62

Assets
Cash.................................... 500
House value (Gross)..................... 0
Shares and bonds........................ 0
Car(s).................................. 250
Other assets............................ 0
Total Assets............................ 750

No Secured nor Hire Purchase Debts

Unsecured Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
HSBC...........................6004.55...150.......0
Family Loan....................6740......130.......0
OH DMP with Payplan............10303.1...105.......0
Barclaycard 2 .................1378.57...35........0
Tesco Credit Card..............190.93....25........0
TSB............................1412.62...25........0
American Express...............4083......50........21
Halifax Card...................2617.94...28........0
BarclayCard 1..................2335.51...54........0
Total unsecured debts..........35066.22..602.......-

Monthly Budget Summary
Total monthly income.................... 2,583.38
Expenses (including HP & secured debts). 1,901.62
Available for debt repayments........... 681.76
Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 602
Amount left after debt repayments....... 79.76

Personal Balance Sheet Summary
Total assets (things you own)........... 750
Total HP & Secured debt................. -0
Total Unsecured debt.................... -35,066.22
Net Assets.............................. -34,316.22

sourcrates · 31 August 2017 at 4:44PM

Hi,

To be very blunt with you, once your husbands income drops, you will have virtually nothing with which to pay your debts.

So that rules out any kind of realistic repayment plan.

Have you considered bankruptcy at all ?

As you dont have a house and have minimal assets it may be your only option.

Otherwise you could make token payments until your income goes up again, but that may be quite a while from what you've said.

tboo · 31 August 2017 at 4:57PM

Hi ohbumstoitall - love the name
You have done great by posting here x

More knowledgeable regulars will come along but my initial penny’s worth is

1) I think the haircut amount is a little bit high - not sure on how much a guy’s haircut is but can they go less often than they go? Can you try your son's haircut yourself? I know you tried but the more you do it the better you will get if you see what I mean

2) Entertainment is a tad high as well; you have netflix so going less often to the cinema is the way forward

3) and then this excess can be put towards the food budget as it's a little low for 2 +1 - does this include all shopping e.g. laundry products and top ups during the week if you need essentials e.g. milk

4) You may have to lower the ‘my expenses’ one - no book buying, go to the library and borrow one (sorry to be harsh)

and have you considered seeing a debt counsellor at the CAB?

ohbumstoitall · 31 August 2017 at 5:08PM

Sourcrates - yes and this is what I'm terrified of. He probably won't get a full time job straight away and he'd need to earn around 20k. He has no ambition (he said this not me) and doesn't really want to work full time, probably because he hasn't since 2015 and has got used to it! But needs must.

I haven't considered bankruptcy as I wouldn't be able to stay in my job and it would limit career options down the line, for example working in compliance in a bank (I work in data governance and compliance, the big money is in banks)

tboo - Husbands hair cut is £11, Sons is £10. Mine is £25. So £20 a month tends to cover it. I'd be happy doing my sons with clippers. He wouldn't though.......

Entertainment, yes I know it is I just try to overbudget and when I spend less put the rest towards a credit card. We don't go to the cinema often at all, but it does also cover summer holidays when husband is at home with our son.

£200 usually covers everything we need, I cook from scratch and am eating less at the moment in an effort to lose weight.

My expenses covers things like books for Open university and likewise if it's not all spent that goes on a credit card.

I haven't considered seeing a debt counsellor as I honestly don't have the time. OH works nights so I'm at home in the evening and then at weekends I need to do the housework. I'm just exhausted!

Bankruptcy isn't an option, I don't know if an IVA has less of an impact or whether that will restrict me working as well

ARgh... Thank you for replying

sourcrates · 31 August 2017 at 5:15PM

For any kind of debt repayment plan, you need to have disposable income left at month end, currently you do, but when hubbys wages drop, you will have almost nothing to make payments with, no amount of budget cutting will realistically change that, you may be able to muster £100 or so, you might be able to do a DMP on that amount, but it would only be a temporary fix as it would take many years to repay at that level.

An IVA for 35k of debt may accept that figure per month, but its doubtful, although i have seen similar amounts of debt repaid at that amount.

If you go to the stepchange website they have a debt remedy tool, its completely anonymous, throw in your details, and it comes out with a solution, go and give it a try.

tboo · 31 August 2017 at 5:33PM

Unless you are prepared to correspond with the creditors yourself I think you should speak to a specialist debt councillor, if not the CAB then try CAP (Christians Against Poverty) if in your area
You may have to take time off work to see them

They will go through a detailed statement of affairs so they have a more realistic amount to play with and give the many options available

As you are aware by working in a bank the interest will keep adding up and this needs nipping in the bud by negotiating with them

HairyHandofDartmoor · 31 August 2017 at 5:41PM

You sound like you've been spending money because you may be suffering from depression or low self esteem. I know that you say you're not depressed but over spending is often caused by psychological issues that are not being dealt with. Have you ever been diagnosed with depression or anxiety?

With regard to the debts, although your income will soon be very low, you can still have a debt management plan. My OH and I had a debt management plan with Step Change even though our outgoings were higher than our income. They arranged for us to pay token payments of £1 a month to all of our creditors. This lasted for two years which enabled us to survive for long enough to raise our income.

Don't feel so bad, we have all made mistakes and silly decisions about spending or we wouldn't be on the forum in the first place!

System · 1 September 2017 at 8:50AM

Can husband look after kids more, saving you childcare? If he is doing his final year, there's not much in the way of lessons and most universities would understand sporadic attendance.

chelseablue · 1 September 2017 at 9:33AM

Sorry to be blunt but after uni your husband needs to get a full time job.
He must have some ambition or what's the point of going to uni?

Magpie100 · 1 September 2017 at 9:43AM

So - when your husband graduates he will still have his part-time job and will have an income of £666? But I see he is on a DMP already for his debts. Does he know about your debts, and what, realistically, do you think the chances are of him getting a full-time job once he graduates? Is he studying something in demand? I don't want to be harsh, but 'not wanting' to work full time isn't really a way forward when you owe so much as a household. The only way to fix this will be to work together on it. It's fine not to be ambitious, but your OH does need to increase his income once he graduates - otherwise, what was the point of studying for 3 years (I know people study for things other than money, but when you have a family and are presumably a mature student its a bit different). he should be busy making plans and contacts to hit the ground running, in my view.

But, you AREN'T 'the worst'. It's horrible to hear you say things like that - you wouldn't say it to a friend, so please don't say it to yourself! You've acknowledged there's a problem, and you have asked for help. That makes you the best! You have been given some good advice re debt repayment plans below, so I hope you can find a way forward with one of those.Good luck!

ohbumstoitall · 1 September 2017 at 10:58AM

HairyHandofDartmoor wrote: »

You sound like you've been spending money because you may be suffering from depression or low self esteem. I know that you say you're not depressed but over spending is often caused by psychological issues that are not being dealt with. Have you ever been diagnosed with depression or anxiety?

With regard to the debts, although your income will soon be very low, you can still have a debt management plan. My OH and I had a debt management plan with Step Change even though our outgoings were higher than our income. They arranged for us to pay token payments of £1 a month to all of our creditors. This lasted for two years which enabled us to survive for long enough to raise our income.

Don't feel so bad, we have all made mistakes and silly decisions about spending or we wouldn't be on the forum in the first place!

I used to take propanalol because I'd feel panic and guilt in my chest, which is apparently anxiety. I also get cross quite easily and have to really rein it in - however the mental health practictioner I saw a while ago decided I am a "together" person and don't show any signs of anything being wrong.

andydownes123 wrote: »

Can husband look after kids more, saving you childcare? If he is doing his final year, there's not much in the way of lessons and most universities would understand sporadic attendance.

The childcare covers when he's at university and also the summer holidays when he is sleeping during the day twice a week. If he was unable to find a full time job after finishing university then childcare will drop to only being required in the summer holidays

chelseablue wrote: »

Sorry to be blunt but after uni your husband needs to get a full time job.
He must have some ambition or what's the point of going to uni?

He went to university as he is really good with children and was attracted to working as a primary school teacher. He did 7 weeks work experience last year at a local primary school and felt really bullied by some of the teachers, he came home in tears one night so that put him off. This year he did work experience in outdoor education which he really enjoyed unfortunately there aren't many work opportunities in our area so we'd need to move.

He was really struggling in his retail job so I suggested university as a way of working out what he is good and, opening doors etc. I'm trying not to put too much pressure on him and I think he is really nervous about finishing as he just doesn't know what he is good at or what would suit him. I suggested working for the National Trust

Magpie100 wrote: »

So - when your husband graduates he will still have his part-time job and will have an income of £666? But I see he is on a DMP already for his debts. Does he know about your debts, and what, realistically, do you think the chances are of him getting a full-time job once he graduates? Is he studying something in demand? I don't want to be harsh, but 'not wanting' to work full time isn't really a way forward when you owe so much as a household. The only way to fix this will be to work together on it. It's fine not to be ambitious, but your OH does need to increase his income once he graduates - otherwise, what was the point of studying for 3 years (I know people study for things other than money, but when you have a family and are presumably a mature student its a bit different). he should be busy making plans and contacts to hit the ground running, in my view.

But, you AREN'T 'the worst'. It's horrible to hear you say things like that - you wouldn't say it to a friend, so please don't say it to yourself! You've acknowledged there's a problem, and you have asked for help. That makes you the best! You have been given some good advice re debt repayment plans below, so I hope you can find a way forward with one of those.Good luck!

Yes he would have that income, it probably could go up to £888 if he worked 3 nights instead of his current 2. He did 3 nights last year whilst studying but he's dropped to 2 whilst he does his dissertation year.

He does know about my debts, but it's fair to say that his debts are being of me. The only reason I am not in a DMP is because I was able to get all of my debts onto 0% and so am trying my hardest (apart from my last blip) to clear them in order to have some resemblence of a credit rating.

I think it is my perception that he doesn't want to work full time, perhaps I'm seeing things that aren't there - but you know a sigh when I mention working after uni. I should probably stop going on about it, it might just be that he is feeling pressurised by me which isn't good when he has a disseration to start soon.
I do agree that he should be making plans but I think it's hard as we're very different people. I'm constantly looking to what skills I can learn next, how I can increase my earning power. I'm currently undertaking a project at work that will benefit me greatly and 100% increase my earning power by at least 6k. However that probably won't come to fruition for a couple of years. Whereas he really lives for the moment.

I wonder whether I should try my hardest to the American Express by December this year. It's an impossible goal but if I could get rid of that then maybe we could manage it if his income drops.

Alternatively I go straight into a Debt Management Plan.

Thank you all for your responses, I am trying to take it all in and it really helps not to feel alone.

Help - 35k in debt

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