My fault or not my fault?

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Gra76
Gra76 Posts: 804 Forumite
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In early December I got a message from my sister saying she was thinking about buying an under 17's driving lesson for my eldest son for Christmas, and if she did would I be available to take him. I'm separated from my ex and live elsewhere now and I have my kids every 2nd weekend. It fell on a weekend where I was due to have the kids so I said yes I could take him if she booked it.

She told me she'd seen a slot available on the 13th Jan at 3pm. I told her that would be fine if she wanted to book it but to let me know.

Heard nothing since.

Got a message from my mum today asking if he'd enjoyed his lesson. I said I'd heard nothing else since early December so as far as I was concerned nothing had been booked.

After speaking to my sister she said she had booked it and that a voucher for it had gone in a card to my eldest son at my ex's address. I rang my ex who told me that yes it had arrived but she'd totally forgotten to mention it to me.

My sister blames my ex, even my ex admits it was her fault but for some reason my mum has gone an a huge rant blaming me for it.

How is it even remotely my fault?

1 - My sister didn't ever tell me she had actually booked it.

2 - My eldest lad and my ex didn't tell me the voucher had been sent to them

3 - When my ex dropped the kids off last weekend nothing was mentioned then either

The analogy I used with my mum (because she's always on holiday) was "If I asked you if you wanted to go on a holiday on September the 20th, and you said yes" would you then be a bit miffed if I booked it without telling you, then asked you nearly a week after you were due to go why you missed the flight? She still thinks it's somehow my fault...

It's fair to say I'm a bit annoyed that my mum dare even suggest it...

So... my fault or not my fault that my eldest didn't go?
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Comments

  • DoaM
    DoaM Posts: 11,863 Forumite
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    Why didn't you remember the conversation with your sister? Don't you know that men are supposed to be psychic and know what's going on, even if nothing is said? :)

    Mum's are a law unto themselves ... you have the double-edged sword of her being female AND being a parent; ergo she will always be right. ;)

    (Awaits the hate for spouting stereotypes) :D
  • mac.d
    mac.d Posts: 1,345 Forumite
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    Don't think its any one person at fault, sounds more likely everyone is a bit at fault, including you.

    In order of blame I'd go for:

    Your ex for not telling you it had arrived, and then saying nothing on the weekend (and your son?!).

    You for not checking with either your son or ex about it when you knew your sister had said she was going to book it and confirmed a date with you for it.

    Your sister for not confirming she'd booked it.
  • DoaM
    DoaM Posts: 11,863 Forumite
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    I'd flip the last two around ... OP has the least amount of "blame". I might even put the last one first - the sister should have confirmed that she'd booked it.
  • parkrunner
    parkrunner Posts: 2,610 Forumite
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    I'm mostly blaming the sister, why on earth didn't she send the voucher to you as it was you who would be taking your son.
    It's nothing , not nothink.
  • peachyprice
    peachyprice Posts: 22,346 Forumite
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    Sorry, but the blame lies with your son!

    He knew he'd received the voucher so presumably knew exactly when it was but didn't think to mention it to you? Did he not think it was a good gift to receive? Was he not at all interested in learning to drive?
    Accept your past without regret, handle your present with confidence and face your future without fear
  • Pollycat
    Pollycat Posts: 34,689 Forumite
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    Gra76 wrote: »
    My sister blames my ex, even my ex admits it was her fault but for some reason my mum has gone an a huge rant blaming me for it.
    I don't think it's your fault at all.

    What does it have to do with your Mother anyway?
  • Valli
    Valli Posts: 24,781 Forumite
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    Two people knew about the lesson; neither of them told/confirmed it with you.

    - your sister; an adult
    - your son - almost an adult and old enough to learn to drive.

    That's where the 'blame' lies.
    Don't put it DOWN; put it AWAY
    "I would like more sisters, that the taking out of one, might not leave such stillness" Emily Dickinson
    :heart:Janice 1964-2016:heart:

    Thank you Honey Bear
  • DoaM
    DoaM Posts: 11,863 Forumite
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    Valli wrote: »
    Two people knew about the lesson; neither of them told/confirmed it with you.

    - your sister; an adult
    - your son - almost an adult and old enough to learn to drive.

    That's where the 'blame' lies.
    3 people ... you've overlooked the fact that the ex (son's Mum) also knew.
  • Pollycat
    Pollycat Posts: 34,689 Forumite
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    The OP's Mother's reaction sounds odd and over-the-top.


    Maybe there's more to this than we've been told. :think:
  • hollydays
    hollydays Posts: 19,812 Forumite
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    You need to be having this conversation with your mother.
    We are glad to have you on the forum but you need to communicate face to face.
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