out of place at work

MillsMolls · 6 November 2018 at 5:32PM

Hello

I am new to this forum and am looking for some advice.

I have been in my job for almost a year and with the company for 10 years, but I have never experienced anything like this. I am signed off work and am going back to the doctor tomorrow. This whole experience has affected my self esteem. I feel sad all the time and can't sleep and am always close to tears.

I think people in my team just don't like me, I believe I haven't done anything to warrant their behaviour.

My first day in my job was not like a normal first day, no-one knew I was coming and I was the first one in and had no idea where to sit, so I waited for my manager to walk in. I was given stacks of paperwork to read through and then left to sit with a colleague who wasn't friendly at all and huffed at everything I had to be shown. I left there not wanting to come back but told myself it was early days.

Fast forward to this year and its got worse, no-one speaks to me even though I make the effort to start a conversation. I recently went on holiday and not a single person said "have a nice hol" people never say "morning" or "have a good weekend"

Am I being overly sensitive or is this just the way places run these days? As I said before, I have never encountered such unfriendliness in my previous department.:(

MillsMolls · 6 November 2018 at 5:36PM

I am tempted to throw in the towel but 10 years and nothing to show for it, is what is stopping me.

I haven't told management, I know they can tell a lot from my body language. I'm simply not the person who walked through their doors at the interview. I don't know why this is bothering me so much

sangie595 · 6 November 2018 at 6:15PM

I'd have to say that if you haven't spoken to your manager about how you feel, then you can't honestly expect them to do anything about it - if there is anything to do. But in all honesty, there's no law that says people have to be friendly. You seem to be complaining that they don't socialise. But if that's the culture of the workplace, then that's what it is. They don't have to wish you a nice weekend, or holiday. Is that all there is to it? Because if so, it does sound like this simply isn't the environment for you.

MillsMolls · 6 November 2018 at 7:46PM

I know they don’t have to socialise with me. I’m not asking them to exchange numbers and meet up outside of work, I just think common courtesy and politeness in a workplace isn’t asking for much.

I haven’t mentioned it to my manager incase she thinks I’m being silly

MillsMolls · 6 November 2018 at 7:47PM

And in all the places I’ve worked at, its pretty normal to wish people a good weekend!

coffeehound · 6 November 2018 at 8:03PM

It does sound exceptionally unfriendly. Would you have difficulty finding another job elsewhere? I'd suggest you don't allow an arbitrary argument like '10 years and nothing to show for it' to affect your decision. You've given it a very good go and still hate it. Time to move on..

Skibunny40 · 6 November 2018 at 8:05PM

Could you apply for a job in a different department? You mentioned that you'd only been in this role for a year, although with the company for 10 years, so I'm guessing whatever department you were in previously was more friendly?

FWIW I would hate to work in an environment like the one you describe and you have my sympathy.

trailingspouse · 6 November 2018 at 8:08PM

This does sound odd to me!!
I don't think you're being over sensitive. I wonder if these colleagues have been working together for a while and have formed a clique? They managed perfectly well without you before, so now don't feel any particular need to include you.
Are they friendly towards each other?
I've spent my life being the 'new girl' - and sometimes it can take a while to 'get through'. Keep being you. Keep smiling. Wish them a Good morning or a Happy holiday, and if they don't extend the same courtesy to you then shrug your shoulders and walk away with your head held high. At the end of the day, they don't have to like you - and you don't have to like them.

Make time for yourself out of work - give yourself a treat, and try to spend time with pleasant people.

xapprenticex · 6 November 2018 at 8:08PM

You got it good, you can go in, do your job and walk out.

I WISH i could go on holiday without everyone asking me where im going and what im doing. And trust me, being asked about your weekend EVERY monday gets boring fast. And being expected to say bless-you when someone sneezes (I dont do it unless I REALLY like you)

It does sound like they dont like you, but who cares? they are JUST colleagues you are paid to work with, they are NOT your friends or family anyway. (Im not saying they cant become friends, but as they are not, then whatever)

BookmobileBadGirl · 6 November 2018 at 8:12PM

xapprenticex wrote: »

You got it good, you can go in, do your job and walk out.

I WISH i could go on holiday without everyone asking me where im going and what im doing. And trust me, being asked about your weekend EVERY monday gets boring fast.

It does sound like they dont like you, but who cares? they are JUST colleagues you are paid to work with, they are NOT your friends or family anyway. (Im not saying they cant become friends, but as they are not, then whatever)

THIS

I can’t stand tedious small talk,

sangie595 · 6 November 2018 at 8:28PM

MillsMolls wrote: »

I know they don’t have to socialise with me. I’m not asking them to exchange numbers and meet up outside of work, I just think common courtesy and politeness in a workplace isn’t asking for much.

I haven’t mentioned it to my manager incase she thinks I’m being silly

MillsMolls wrote: »

And in all the places I’ve worked at, its pretty normal to wish people a good weekend!

But there's absolutely nothing at all that says that what you call courtesy or politeness is required of people. You cannot force people to want to ask you how your weekend was or where you are going on holiday. That might be your expectation. It isn't your right. Provided they turn up to work and do their work, then they are doing what the employer wants. Anything beyond that is a choice. Maybe that isn't how you want to work. But it's how they want to. If that's all, then yes, sorry - you need to find a job that suits you better. Can you imagine what they will be like if they are forced to indulge in small talk just because you want them to? Our workplace isn't at all like this, but I can easily imagine that if a management instruction to talk to each other came down, there'd be a resounding and long term silence. Not everyone is like you, and that's fair enough.

out of place at work

Comments

Categories

Get our FREE Weekly email full of deals & guides - and it’s spam-free