KonMari 2018 - The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up

Floss · 7 March 2018 at 9:34PM

GreyQueen wrote: »

Show off!

This will be only the second. The original was given to me by another plotholder over a decade ago and is still going strong. It's one of the basic black ones. Pal's text says this is a large Dalek, so mebbe one of the bigger green ones? I will meet it at some point in the next few days.

Ooh maybe it's one of the boss Daleks - or maybe even Davros?! Ours are all black basics

silvasava · 8 March 2018 at 10:14AM

Managed to get out into the garden yesterday and sorted the support canes for the blackberries and loganberries - they are all nice and tidy now and supported. One runner had rooted at the tip and one of my loganberries is at least 40 years old. It's producing progressively less fruit each year so we be decided that karma has replaced it! The new one is thornless too.
I think I spurred DH into action as he came out and cut the rotten wood out of our pergola thingy that had been listing for about three years! A bit more for the wood burner and we're having a rethink about what we do next.
A productive time dodging the showers and hailstones - upside was the garden robin hopping about and the beautiful double rainbow - so clear all the colours stood out individually - serendipity!

Papillon55 · 8 March 2018 at 11:55AM

Hello all - first time poster, long time lurker on OS threads. I'm wondering if I can draw upon the collective wisdom of this thread and the premise of 'does it spark joy'. I toyed with putting this on the In My Home thread, but I would rather it sit here if possible because the KM method appeals to me, and suits the emotional root causes of the problem.

Short story - my partner and I live in a rented 3 bedroom house with conservatory, garden etc. Lots of space in theory! We moved in last summer, we had just three garden chairs and an air mattress. It was really hard to begin with. We rattled around this house a little bewildered.

We subsequently, and gradually, were able to retrieve our possessions (we had both left former relationships) and now have an entire house full of absolute carp. I've thrown a fair bit away but my partner is struggling. There is also a huge amount of emotion, an alienated child (it feels like a bereavement yet he's only up the road but the mother refuses access) a chronic illness, and widdle all money to add to the mix of why we are struggling to simply 'get on with it'. We are struggling so much to sort out the house that we often stay in the in-laws holiday home up the road to just get away from it. Every single room is full, stacked up, including the conservatory and all three bedrooms, plus a crammed storage locker in the garden.

Ridiculous I know. We are both hoarders although he perhaps a little more than me. We also can't add anything that's fixed e.g. Shelves so are making do with various storage solutions, and there's probably a large portion of feeling like it's not worth it because we can only renew the lease 6 months at a time and we don't feel settled in the area for many reasons. We have very little time outside of work, and I am too poorly to do much at all, although I will have more free time soon and hopefully more energy as it's not being used up by work.

Please, please can anyone help us get our heads around how to sort out this house! We have six days off over Easter and I feels like it's then or never with regards to fixing this mess. We both want a lovely home filled with only the things that spark joy, to help us move on from our respective former difficulties and build our life together.

WeeMidgie · 8 March 2018 at 11:56AM

One of the delights of KM is how things speed up with each pass. :beer:

I'm in year 3 of KM. This morning I've done paperwork for the third time, and it took barely half an hour to weed out time expired documents, guarantees for items which have died, etc etc..

My brain still thinks it's going to be a slog, so it's a great feeling when it isn't! :j

[Deleted User] · 8 March 2018 at 12:00PM

I found more stuff for recycling/tip today, decorating fluids, wood hardener and a couple of electricals indoors that I haven`t used in two years. The boot was pretty full so the MK was a bonus. I feel like going out on a cycle but lanes are filthy, drat, my bike is quite clean. I know, I will recycle two bags of bought compost on the allotment and have a potter up there, need to take my cycle pump, bet the wheelbarrow tyre is flat and they are too heavy to carry

allybee101 · 8 March 2018 at 1:27PM

Hello Papillon,

Welcome, I tend to lurk on the KM thread of late but I have used the method to some success, and in fact am on a four day break from work which is including some kon-marieing.
If you have the book, take a look at the section where MK talks about having a vision for what you would like your home to be like. Write it up and stick it somewhere you can see it.
Between now and Easter perhaps you can write a list of the categories you would like to tackle. There's the list in the book and I imagine heaps of detailed examples on the internet. Don't feel like you have to do eveything if it looks overwhelming.
Perhaps between now and Easter you can do some little things to help ease the way, such as starting with your sock drawer. Taking 20 mins to sort through your socks, pair them and fold them (videos on Youtube will help with this).
Another night you could do another little category pyjamas, undies, t shirts etc.
Have a box set to one side for anything you want to donate, if you come across things in the next couple of weeks that you know you don't want to keep you don't need to wait for your KM festival you can let go of it there and then.

Best of luck with it. And don't worry about achieving perfection on the first go, many of us re-visit things time and again as we learn what truly sparks joy.

VJsmum · 8 March 2018 at 2:07PM

Hi Papillon - well done for recognising that you need / want to declutter. it is addictive once you start and many of us are testament to its 'life changing magic' qualities (I gave up my job to do a full-time PhD for example)

Is there some low-hanging fruit you can do first? Things you care less about anyway that can go? Many talk of the "9th square" - having somewhere to put things as you go through them and decide what to keep. For example in my kitchen tidying I always start at the draining board, because the stuff is clean and i can put it away and then start to put things there - so that is my 9th square (it's a bit like those number puzzle things in crackers, where you have to shuffle tiles around to put them in order). Hope that makes sense.

Karmacat · 8 March 2018 at 3:03PM

Papillon, good ideas from allybee and VJsmum. Not being able to add any shelves etc because its a rental isn't so terrible long term, tho I understand it must be frustrating - one of the tricks of Kondo is not to buy long term storage solutions until you know what you actually *have*, that you want to store. And you don't know that yet - if you're both sleeping away from the house, that tells us a lot about how bad it feels

It may not be worth it for the house, with the rental being quite insecure, but its worth it for *you* - you're not talking about decorating or structural changes, you're talking about making the space liveable and enjoyable.

Okay. Low hanging fruit, as VJsmum says. For example: anything that's broken? Two half empty tubs that can be poured into one, and the empty one binned? Or the sock drawer, as allybee says. Small things, easy things, that can give you hope to go on.

Are things stored in the right room, in general? Toilet paper in the bathroom/toilet, that kind of thing? All the coats stored together? How much duplication do you have, since you were both in previous relationships?

You describe yourselves as hoarders. That needs to be addressed, to be honest with you. To have the lovely KM home you want, you're going to have to get rid of stuff - if you just chuck it out because you want it gone, more will be acquired .... but you *can* make the change, you really can! Best of luck, and keep posting - thats one of the most important things!

firebubble · 8 March 2018 at 8:01PM

Welcome Papillon! There are lots of great ideas on the thread, keep reading and what you need will sink in. To add another angle, have a think about why you describe yourself as a hoarder, and what's behind it. For example, are you keeping things because it means something, or reminds you of something (a historic hoarder), or are you keeping it just in case it might be needed someday (hoarding for the future). Behind all hoarding, or even just stockpiling, is usually a worry about something. If you can understand your own worry, in time you'll be able to come up with ways of calming it without hoarding - so for example, if you are concerned you won't have enough, you can focus on saving so that instead of spending money on piles of stuff, you'll keep the money in the bank to give you the same sense of security that you need to not be worried.

Another thing KonMari covers is starting with yourself and your own stuff, and not worrying about anyone else's things. The process is like peeling an onion, you'll go through stuff, and then the next time you go through it, you'll discover even more stuff that can go. So maybe start, box by box, simply looking for things that are broken or worn out and are just rubbish. This first big obstacle I remember was getting stuck thinking I must recycle/sell/give away, and as this is a hassle, I never ended up getting rid of things.

The shaming, embarrassing fact is that - whilst there may be bits that can go to the charity shop - at the start, you will be sending lots of stuff to landfill. It feels horribly wasteful. The only thing to do is to tell yourself you're never going to get into that position again, and that in future you will limit yourself to only acquiring things you will truly use. As the process continues, the rubbish will be gone, and you'll discover good quality items that you can charity shop, freecycle or even sell. So don't let yourself get stuck on binning things at the start! Good luck and keep us posted - I'm pretty much kondo'd but I love love love reading about other people starting out :rotfl:

GreyQueen · 8 March 2018 at 8:07PM

Hello and welcome, Papillon. Good to have your with us.

As I read it, you two have effectively consolidated your holdings and are likely bringing part of the domestic paraphenalia from your previous homes & relationships, but not a full inventory as those households are still running with the exes in them?

If I've grasped it correctly, might I suggest sitting down together and making some lists to determine what your reasonable requirements are for items such as crockery, cutlery, pots & pans, household linens, cushions, curtains, rugs etc etc. Then you can (mentally) review what you would like to keep before you start pulling things about.

This can be a lot easier than standing hip-deep in a room rammed with boxes and bags and starting to get panicky.

Once you have decided on quantity, you will have to decide on whose stuff is best suited to your new lifestyle together and whose stuff is not suitable; too big, too orange, too worn out, too whatever. Then you can start to rehome the excess.

Re clothing and personal goods and chattels such as accessories, entertainment items (books, films, LPs, comic books etc) I'd leave them til last because they are weighted with heavy sentiment for most of us.

Think at all times of what you would like your new, shared life to be like in the future, and hold to that vision and steadily make decisions and actions which lead towards that goal.

Believe that you WILL get there in the end because, as long as more goes out than comes in, the volume of Stuff will gradually decrease.

Good luck!

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KonMari 2018 - The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up

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