Please can anyone give me advice?

anon3485 · 6 May 2018 at 3:05PM

I hope someone can help as I am beside myself. I am the youngest of 7 children. My father divorced my mother 30 years ago. He has had no contact at all with the eldest 4 since they were small about 40+years ago (this remains the case). He would see the other 2 remaining sons now and again over the years. I do not know any family other than my dad. He has looked after me all my life. He has had on and off mental health issues for many many years, however he was fully capable of managing his own affairs and I was never involved. The past year we (me, partner and children) noticed a decline in my fathers memory. As things have deteriorated I started to become involved in all appointments and care. My dad always said that he wanted me and my children to “have everything”. By everything he has very little and lived in a one bed council flat. I told him that he would need to make proper arrangements but he just shrugged it off. We had a discussion and my Dad went to his bank and transferred £10,000 to me. I continued giving care, his state got worse and worse. I have recently managed to get him into supported housing. Out of courtesy, I messaged the one son and told him about the move. Ever since then I have had abusive calls and notes left in my dads new property as all of a sudden they (the son and 3 of my dad’s sisters)keep showing up and now want to be in control of his finances. I am on anti depressants in any case because of the stress of my dad being ill coupled with living an hour away and a full time job. They said they were going to call the police on me for his bank card. I left the bank card for them as I could not deal with the stress and threats so they are now in control of his pension and savings to the amount of £3000 which I have no interest in. They now however have discovered that my dad had this other £10,000 and are harassing me about it. I haven’t yet told them that my dad gave it to me as I felt awkward. I have tried to call the social services for advice and to see if they could take over his finances. They said they can’t as he still has mental capacity - although at this point my dad doesn’t know what day, time, year etc it is. I have spent £1500 out of the £10000 he gave me on moving him into the supported living. I can’t sleep because of the texts, calls and abusive notes. They have just wanted access to accounts and bank cards. They have never once asked about care matters or how they can help. I want to know if it is any of their business that my dad gave me £10,000? Are there any implications to me? Have I done something drastically wrong? I did try to get power of attorney but was told by the professionals that we would have to go to a solicitor and my dad couldn’t be bothered with any of it. Please help.

geminilady · 6 May 2018 at 3:29PM

I do not think they can do anything about the £10,000 he transferred it as a gift especially as social services say he is capable.You did not say how long ago this was ?.
They should not have his bank card surely he will need his pension?and they could spend it,maybe you could phone the bank and get it cancelled or changed.You can get a free half hour from most solicitors so I would get proper advise or maybe contact age uk.

DCFC79 · 6 May 2018 at 3:42PM

Either block the numbers from the son and 3 daughters or get a PAYG some and a cheap phone and give them that number.

Or let any call from them go to answer phone and delete if not needed.

anon3485 · 6 May 2018 at 3:43PM

Hi he transferred it about 6 months ago when his state was not so bad. Now unfortunately he is in a very bad state. I had his bank card for the past few months with the authorities aware as i had set up all direct debits and collected his pension for him and did his shopping.

Zeni · 6 May 2018 at 3:58PM

Honestly anon you sound like you have been looking after him and doing everything you can. I would keep a record of what they're doing if it is abusive as surely that is harassment? Especially the threat of police about the bank when you seem to have already made who needs to know aware of this. You did your duty informed them it just sounds like they are after money. I would notify the bank if they now have the card as any transactions that are suspicious wont be attributed to you if they have you on the account (if thats even a thing?) Either way surely he's still going to need his money. Do they actually go and visit him and talk to him?

Mojisola · 6 May 2018 at 4:09PM

anon3485 wrote: »

Hi he transferred it about 6 months ago when his state was not so bad. Now unfortunately he is in a very bad state.

Does he have a social worker?

Has his GP assessed his health recently?

leylie · 6 May 2018 at 4:36PM

From what you've said it sounds like he could be at risk of financial abuse from his other relatives, in which case I would recommend that 1. (as Gemini suggested) contact his Bank and make them aware of your concerns.
2. Contact Social Services again and ask them to re-assess his needs - and also highlight to them your concern about potential financial abuse.
Care act 2014 “Abuse” includes financial abuse; and for that purpose “financial abuse” includes—
(a)having money or other property stolen,
(b)being defrauded,
(c)being put under pressure in relation to money or other property, and
(d)having money or other property misused.

3. Contact his GP and arrange a check of his mental capacity to make his own decisions.

As the money was transferred to you at a time when the likes of Social Services agreed he was capable of making his own decisions, you could ask them to make a note in his file to this effect.

What you also might like to do is write down what support you have provided so far over this last year - how many times a week you've visited and for how long, plus everything else you've organised on his behalf. Once you add up the hours you've spent you might feel less concerned about the money he gave you. (I can tell that you haven't provided this support for the money, but it can help to realise just how much it would have cost for someone else to do it - and that you are readily able to demonstrate that you haven't been financially defrauding him!).
Keep copies of any abusive texts and letters you've received - as DCFC advised get another phone purely for any contact with those relatives (and remember to block them on you usual phone). Sadly what you need to be doing is keeping evidence now! (It may come under 'Malicious Communications Act')

Also find out about your local Carers Support Group - they can be a wealth of information for you.

Sounds like you have and are doing a grand job. Good Luck

Savvy_Sue · 6 May 2018 at 8:54PM

Leaving aside all the other good advice, has your dad made a will, and if not is he in a position (ie has capacity to understand what he is doing) to make one now?

Because if not, the trouble you are having now will multiply many times when he dies. You may not want to think about this, but just be warned that unless he has a valid will leaving everything to you, whoever deals with his estate will have to divide everything - possibly including that £10,000 - between all his children, estranged or not.

If he's not able to make a will, then I would strongly advise against YOU being the one to deal with his estate.

anon3485 · 9 May 2018 at 2:29AM

He has a social worker and the mental health team visit weekly.

anon3485 · 9 May 2018 at 2:32AM

He has not got a will but I imagine they will be drawing one up along with applying for carers allowance as I’m assuming that’s what the pretence of being dutiful relatives is all about.

Please can anyone give me advice?

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