Renovations and Repayments.

April Targets:

OSPREYS - CHECK.
Make a decision re. bathroom / holiday / potential debt.
Total Grocery Spend: £280/ £400.
Surplus Money: £100 / £800.
Bed before 11.30pm: 6 / 31. Definitely going to be in bed before 11.30pm this evening. I'm tired at a normal time for once and have been active for the majority of the day. Again! This is going well at the moment.
Meditation: 12 / 31.
De-clutter and sell 2 / 5 items.
New Recipes: 1 / 4.
Books (to read for pleasure): / 3. Have got back into a reading routine so this should start to go up.

newgirly wrote: »

I hope that you realise how wrong that is Alex, and worrying that you accept it. Sometimes the things you post are so sad to read

I realise it's wrong enough that I don't hold the same type of expectations for my son.

edinburgher wrote: »

Grownups don't get to tell each other when to speak Alex :mad:

That is the joy (and frustration) of being an adult

:rotfl: Not in my parents' world unless it involves a discussion between the two of them.

Red-Squirrel wrote: »

Oh Alex this makes me so sad.

You have as much right to speak and join in a group interaction as anybody else does (with the usual caveats about politeness, respect, tact etc!) and if somebody's idea of a good day meant you being silent, excluded and not participating then they wouldn't be accepting an invitation to your home!

I know you haven't always got on brilliantly with your in-laws, but that seems to be improving with effort and concessions on both sides.

The relationship with my in-laws is improving a lot. They came up this way to go for a walk and took us for a pub lunch as a thank you for Easter. I needed to curb my prejudices for them to see this but they are brilliant with my son. He loves his grandparents being proud of his achievements and showing him affection. My parents are so critical and he seems to think my in-laws letting him call them more affectionate names means they love him more.

hiddenshadow wrote: »

Just for fun I plugged in random details for myself into Waltham Forest housing benefit calculator. With my age, and assuming dependents (it didn't ask how many?) and no other benefits (no idea how child credits work), on £20k/yr I'd be eligible for £10,244.52/year in housing benefit. That was assuming £1,500/mo rent, though I'm not sure what Walthamstow goes for these days. (Edit: just looked it up and 2-bed is ~£1,300-£1,400/mo, 3-bed is £1,500-£1,700/mo.)

:eek: London really is a different world. I cannot personally see the attraction.

hiddenshadow wrote: »

I do find it silly that you have to jump through so many hoops to relocate. We watched I, Daniel Blake the other day (super depressing, as expected) and jeez, the amount of red tape involved. And the female lead being shunted up to Newcastle(?) from London just because there was a flat there even though her job/family/support were all in the south...crazy.

That's a rant for another day though.

I haven't seen I, Daniel Blake so cannot comment.

hiddenshadow wrote: »

I agree with the other posters - that's crazy behaviour. If you want to play along to please your parents, fine, but it's quite normal for adults to express their opinion (contrary or otherwise!) freely. And I won't even touch on the presence bit (!) except to say that if someone doesn't want to be in your presence, and you're not invading their home/personal space, it's on them to leave, not you.

I think that's kind of the point of the show. Hence all 3 families being so excited to have a takeaway as their first "splurge". (The episode 1 dad being so excited about a stuffed crust pizza broke my heart.)

My parents can be very difficult people at times. I'm not sure if it reflects their generation or is just how they are, to be honest.

Yes, I think you're right re. the show.

newgirly wrote: »

How can any grandparent be critical of a grandson, especially one so young?! I am intrigued to know how he has to address them now too.

I'm glad things are going well with the inlaws, you don't have to have much in common to get along, just a willingness to do so

They are very critical of his behaviour, music and academic achievements. My son is generally very well behaved, so a lot of the problems lie with him running up stairs rather than walking or getting excited about things and not being able to wait to tell them something. He addresses them as grandmother and grandfather. I don't think it's so much how he addresses them but how they reacted when he tried to address them in another way I imagine he perhaps would have preferred and was quite severely chastised.

I think you're right about a willingness to get along.

maman wrote: »

It's really heart warming to hear that the in-laws are so loving towards LittleK.

I suddenly thought yesterday that you might have been expecting LittleK to ask permission before speaking as that's the norm for you. Glad to read that you don't. Children need adults to model behaviour to them. So I'd expect to have to explain turn taking and not interrupting etc. but asking permission appals me.

Similarly, I can understand that when you were staying with your parents you needed some ground rules about having your own space. That's normal with family living together where space permits. But your interpretation that your in-laws might want to choose whether they want your company or conversation when visiting you in your own home really isn't 'normal'.

Hope your enjoying the last couple of days of holidays. Why not plan something nice for half term or the long weekend next week?

Being Welsh I should recommend Cardiff although I don't come from there. There's plenty to see and do whether for you as a couple or with LittleK. For a short break from where you are I'd go to Liverpool (Walker gallery is excellent) or Manchester which has the Lowry as well as the city gallery. From either of these you could go on to Chester and then over into North Wales to Portmeirion which is well worth a visit.

They are very good with my son.

I have expectations for my son's behaviour but enjoy hearing his views and talking to him so apart from taking his turn, not interrupting or dominating conversation there are no rules. Sometimes he gets excited about things and doesn't remember such 'rules' but I can't say I really mind. He will only get one childhood.

Absolutely agree re. ground rules when living with other people but my parents' expectations have nothing to do with whether I / we are living with them.

Hadn't realised you're Welsh. Do you still live in Wales? I know Manchester fairly well but hadn't considered Liverpool. Chester is nice and my wife and I enjoy visiting North Wales ... mainly for the good driving roads.