out of place at work

another_casualty · 7 November 2018 at 4:58PM

If it were me , I would send an email to hr offering my resignation explaining politely the issues from day 1 and inform them I am not returning . You have over 10 years with that company ( which sounds unorganised and unfriendly in places). Your health is suffering because of the scum clique that you have walked into.
Not worth it .
Best of luck in what you decide

ohreally · 7 November 2018 at 5:09PM

Develop resilience and look to move on to pastures new. I'm guessing snowflake generation.

MillsMolls · 7 November 2018 at 5:12PM

My grade is lower than theirs, so I doubt they are jealous of my position.

I don’t contribute to team collections and don’t eat their cakes/sweets either.

I’ve had an awful day today, I’m at home but the worrying is non stop

sangie595 · 7 November 2018 at 6:47PM

To be honest this is all sounding like six of one and half a dozen of the other. The OP is complaining about their behaviour, but appears to indulge themselves in exactly the same behaviour. I wonder what the other side of this story is? Because I rather suspect that somewhere in the sands of time, everyone had a version, and none of them are the same. And all of them are probably completely reasonable on their own.

It seems that where this is is that you are either going back to work, in which case you need to speak to your manager. Bearing in mind that this may mean that the other versions start tumbling out and it may not all be about you. Or not in the sense that you seem to think, because none of this is down to you and it's all their fault - which may not be the central theme of all versions.

Or not going back, in which case you want a smooth exit with no issues and no question marks on your reference.

Possibly a third option is to speak to HR, say you hate your job and can't cope with it, say nothing more, and ask them if there is anywhere that you can redeploy to. Sometimes people just don't like the job, and they might accept that without demanding more explanation.

Tigsteroonie · 7 November 2018 at 7:07PM

Is anybody else reading this thread and looking around at their work colleagues to see if it's anybody they know?

You mention that you've been there almost a year, that it's a large organisation, and that you cannot move until a year has passed. I'd suggest you update your CV and start looking around at what is coming up in terms of vacancies on other teams.

MillsMolls · 7 November 2018 at 7:34PM

The only reason I don’t touch their sweets/cakes is because they put their cakes next to their bank of desks and as stupid as it might sound but I’m terrified of going up there. I’ve only been up there once and saw the way they looked at each other. I did say thanks and happy birthday to whoever it was.

There is a central back of desks for treats and that’s where they should normally go and that’s where I put mine from my holiday.

I can speak to HR but I don’t see how they will agree to just move me. I can’t go back to my old team as there are no vacancies. I don’t want to resign as I have worked very hard for this company.

I do work for a large well known organisation and yes some of you might see it as a joke and wonder if it’s anyone from your office, but this is not a laugh for me, it’s torture.

Skibunny40 · 7 November 2018 at 7:44PM

Have you tried asking the "ringleader" straight out why they don't include you or treat you as part of the team? Not in an aggressive way, but as a genuine question. They'll either deny it completely,so you know you'll nenver be able to improve things or you might just find out that there's some background issue that either isn't really your fault, or there was something you did (obviously inadvertently) and you can clear the air and hopefully start again.

Manxman_in_exile · 7 November 2018 at 7:52PM

Sounds like a difficult situation. But I would suggest the main problem is the lack of training and lack of action re this on the part of your manager.

Not sure if this is a good idea, but you say your employer is a large(?) company. Can you self-refer to Occupational Health and explore what's causing you to be signed off? I say it may not be a good idea as OH's role is more to advise the employer than the employee. Others here can advise.

My first "proper" job was as a trainee chartered accountant. The atmosphere was awful and there was a bullying and intimidating culture. I got another job in a completely different type of employment (Local Authority). It was hopelessly disorganised and I left without another job to go to. After several months of unemployment I got a temporary NHS job.

I then successfully applied for a substantive NHS job leading a small team of management accountants. I got an extremely frosty reception (one of the people I was supervising had expected to get the job as a shoe-in ) and the staff were not at all helpful. (I had the technical knowledge but knew bu99er all about their procedures and computer systems). I became quite anxious and unhappy but decided I would persevere (I didn't want to leave another job). I don't know what happened but after a few months I was accepted and stayed in that role (plus several re-gradings) for about 12 years.

As regards the "treats" policy I would simply ignore it. I successfully ignored the customary NHS policy of buying cakes on your birthday for 25 years. No problem. (But then I never indulged in the "treats" bought by others either). EDIT: And nor did I ever ask people about their holidays or week ends!

Also I never socialised outside work (except for a couple of leaving dos for people I particularly liked or respected). I religiously kept my private life entirely separate from my work life.

If you can't suddenly develop a hide as thick as a rhinoceros then I think you either need to find another job or approach HR and see if they can redeploy you elsewhere.

elsien · 7 November 2018 at 8:02PM

An alternative point of view:

Your colleagues are seeing someone who comes in each day, refuses to talk to anyone, avoids their desks like the plague and only talks to people she used to work with from another department. Won't ask for help when she's stuck until it's too late which takes twice as long for people to then sort.

Not saying that's accurate but it may be the picture they are now getting so it all turns a bit catch-22.

However all this initially arose it's not going to miraculously get better unless you do something about it, other than sitting at home worrying
I presume you have supervisions of some sort. As a starting point you need to ask about training and the bits you're struggling with. I can't see how you've got to a year in the role without it being picked up if things are as bad as you percieve them to be.

Manxman_in_exile · 7 November 2018 at 8:19PM

MillsMolls wrote: »

Maybe, but we spend so much time at work, so why not just be polite to each other

That would be nice, but I'm not sure that it's a realistic expectation theses days. There's not a lot of politeness going around.

If you decide to leave and get another job, bear in mind it isn't always "greener on the other side of the hill." I learned that to my cost when I left the firm of chartered accountants and joined the local authority.

But if it's affecting your mental health so much, you probably ought to leave...

out of place at work

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