£67,031.92 is a frightening number indeed....

armchairexpert · 6 October 2017 at 6:43AM

Although, are those last year's figures, or the years before that? Because you also said:

We probably halved our usual Christmas budget last year and still spent a lot, and I don't anticipate cutting it much further this year.

Treadingonplaymobil · 6 October 2017 at 6:49AM

No no, last year's spend (c.£1,200 including food, tree etc) was around half of previous years

. Most of the money in previous years was spent on unnecessary extras like loads of extra festive booze or expensive treat food, and additional gifts under the tree and big (albeit often homemade) gifts for family and friends. So cutting it down as much as we did was actually pretty easy. £150 per child I'm quite happy with as a spend, and to be honest I'm not really interested in cutting everything else down miles more - I feel like we've been able to cut to where we were last Christmas without sacrificing any of the things we each enjoy about Christmas, and to cut it further would begin to eat away at the things that are special to us. I'm sure there will be plenty of readers throwing up their hands in horror and despair, but as far as I'm concerned the debt is lower than it was in February, and will be lower next February again, even with spending that much on Christmas. I can't get my knickers in too much of a twist about the rest as I'm aware that it isn't just going to be one mega-frugal christmas and our problems are solved - this is a long 10yr+ journey for us, and making it miserable and uninspiring will mean we give up. If we do Christmas for <£1,000 I'll be impressed and moderately surprised.

Sea_Shell · 6 October 2017 at 7:18AM

Hi there. I've been reading your diary from the start, and i know that you don't want to admit to family/friends that you have this level of debt, for whatever personal reasons you have.

However, by not letting them in and keeping them in the dark, this seems to be keeping you pinned in a "keeping up appearances" circle.

This appears to be most noticeable with your need/want to buy for so many (adults) at Christmas, as i guess this is what you've always done, regardless of if you can afford it or not.

Personally, i would feel hurt if, say, my sister had this level of debt, and didn't tell me, and was still buying me presents etc. I'd much rather she didn't, and put the money towards the debt.

Could you not all (adults) agree that you'll just be buying for the kids this year....or would that "let your cat out of the bag?"

System · 6 October 2017 at 7:45AM

TOPM , I read what you say about Christmas and see myself. Our family have always had new pjs at Xmas eve , we always had a chippy tea as well. My own daughter still has new pjs off me for Christmas Eve ! She does the same for her two. Christmas is my biggest spend now with the 2 DGC . However I have cut down now with friends and believe it or not they were relieved to break the present buying habit. Could you be brave enough to ask the question about maybe only buying for children and not adults ? You may be surprised by the answer .
As you said you have already cut costs for Christmas, so I think you need to put some money away every month and try not to touch it , hard I know . This will be my first Christmas in many years that haven't gone on cc . Good luck with it all.

crunch_time · 6 October 2017 at 8:01AM

In my extended family we have a 'only but for the kids' rule. It works really well.

Christmas is the only time I really try and stick to a budget as I hate hate hate the pressure of trying to have the 'best' Christmas ever so it's like I deliberately revolt against it.

I totally agreee with you on the 'not buying tat for stockings' rule. I've always ended up with things they haven't ever played with again!! Last year I tried to stick to a 'useful for £1' theme and it seemed to work as they used everything I bought.

Husband and I haven't bought anything for each other for years!! Last year we filled our stockings with secondhand books and underwear!! Ha ha!!

I'm hoping to only spend £200-£250 on Christmas this year including decorations and food!! We are planning frugal but meaningful activities and traditions instead.

I've found changing my focus to this has helped massively!!

Best of luck!
Crunchy xx

Busy_Mee1 · 6 October 2017 at 8:13AM

I am sure I don't need to tell you that your lifestyle is completely above and beyond what is the "norm" for most families. It is also completely above and beyond anything that you can afford, which is why you have such high debt.

I think you need to have a good soul search about why you have such high expectations for the lifestyle that you need to provide for your family. Is it appearances, as Sea Shell has suggested or is there something more deep seated ? This spending all seems to be about you, and the very high standards you apply to quality and aesthetics, rather than anything about what your children actually need.

The Christmas stockings are a good example ....children all around the country get tat in their Christmas stocking and love it. This doesn't conform to your standards so you spend £75 each instead - your kids would would just be as happy with £10 worth of well chosen "tat"in their stockings.

I don't mean to be harsh but I think you need to try and understand what is driving your high expectations and spending, to be able to tackle it.

You have made some changes to your lifestyle where you have found it acceptable to your standards - for example home baking and cooking, but you do need to go further to tackle this debt and that means you will have to change your mindset about other things.

This is all meant with good intentions as I worry that your finances are so precarious that it could be disasterous for your family if you don't change.

Verbatim · 6 October 2017 at 8:28AM

I was wondering what sort of things go in the dcs stockings?

Suffolk_lass · 6 October 2017 at 9:08AM

My Son's advent calendar is (yes, at nearly 26, he still asks for it!) a pennant on a piece of wooden doweling (a thin wooden rod) with a piece of cord as the hanger (with old curtain tie-back tassels on the ends of the rod), and all the pockets are simple patches with a number on them, randomly over the pennant. I put the occasional pound coin, a note saying do a chore (tidy your bedroom is an old favourite), a promise or two (I will take you to the beach, to watch a film etc), future events, bits of sweets and a note to look somewhere for a little thing (pencil, eraser, gel pen etc). I remember putting a Harry Potter phone cover in the dishwasher one year for Christmas Eve and he was so thrilled. He still references it! - worth the effort!

crunch_time · 6 October 2017 at 10:13AM

Busy_Mee1 wrote: »

I am sure I don't need to tell you that your lifestyle is completely above and beyond what is the "norm" for most families. It is also completely above and beyond anything that you can afford, which is why you have such high debt.

I think you need to have a good soul search about why you have such high expectations for the lifestyle that you need to provide for your family. Is it appearances, as Sea Shell has suggested or is there something more deep seated ? This spending all seems to be about you, and the very high standards you apply to quality and aesthetics, rather than anything about what your children actually need.

The Christmas stockings are a good example ....children all around the country get tat in their Christmas stocking and love it. This doesn't conform to your standards so you spend £75 each instead - your kids would would just be as happy with £10 worth of well chosen "tat"in their stockings.

I don't mean to be harsh but I think you need to try and understand what is driving your high expectations and spending, to be able to tackle it.

You have made some changes to your lifestyle where you have found it acceptable to your standards - for example home baking and cooking, but you do need to go further to tackle this debt and that means you will have to change your mindset about other things.

This is all meant with good intentions as I worry that your finances are so precarious that it could be disasterous for your family if you don't change.

Thanks for this - I can apply it to myself and my own high standards with other things. Great advice!!
Crunchy x

reality_check · 6 October 2017 at 10:18AM

Your advert calander sounds lovely, but expensive and time consuming...money and time is what you don't have. Maybe this year you could do a £1 chocolate advent calander and introduce the naughty Elfs? Not sure if your kids have had them previously.

My daughter is studying primary teaching and is on placement right now, she has a gift box for 2 winners each week where she went to the £1 shop and bought presents to put in it, I was so shocked at what she got! Loads of craft things, a foil art set, metalic water colour pencils and also a few things that I personally would describe as tat but I know when they get it they will love it at the time. Trust me I have older children and you can't get away with a frugal Christmas forever, but your kids are young enough you should embrace places like the £1 shop before they give you lists with items starting at £75 each!

Good luck with it all xx

p.s I don't know if you buy a tree but for the last 2 years I have bought the Ikea tree at £25 and you get a £20 voucher to spend in store in January. Much cheaper than the farm I used to go to and spend a fortune!!!

£67,031.92 is a frightening number indeed....

Comments

Categories

Get our FREE Weekly email full of deals & guides - and it’s spam-free