Advice on claiming after marriage ending

montymud · 24 September 2018 at 9:48AM

I don't really know what to do. My husband informed me this morning that he's leaving us and I just don't know where to turn. I have agorophobia and haven't left my house in over a year. I've never spoken to the doctor about it because, quite honestly, I'm ashamed, and of course it would mean actually going to the doctors which I just can't do. The mere thought makes me want to be sick and sets my heart racing and just makes me feel like I'm going to have a heart attack - I know I'm not, but sense just doesn't reach me in those situations.

I've been searching the internet all morning trying to figure out what I'm supposed to do. I looked up ESA but of course, quite reasonably, they want a doctors note and as I've never actually been to the doctor in the last year, this is a problem. I just really don't know what to do or where to turn. I have no friends to talk to because I really have lived only in my house with only my husband and children around for the last year. I just don't know what to do. Any advice that anyone can offer would be so, so gratefully recieved. Thank you.

bspm1 · 24 September 2018 at 10:03AM

montymud wrote: »

I don't really know what to do. My husband informed me this morning that he's leaving us and I just don't know where to turn. I have agorophobia and haven't left my house in over a year. I've never spoken to the doctor about it because, quite honestly, I'm ashamed, and of course it would mean actually going to the doctors which I just can't do. The mere thought makes me want to be sick and sets my heart racing and just makes me feel like I'm going to have a heart attack - I know I'm not, but sense just doesn't reach me in those situations.

I've been searching the internet all morning trying to figure out what I'm supposed to do. I looked up ESA but of course, quite reasonably, they want a doctors note and as I've never actually been to the doctor in the last year, this is a problem. I just really don't know what to do or where to turn. I have no friends to talk to because I really have lived only in my house with only my husband and children around for the last year. I just don't know what to do. Any advice that anyone can offer would be so, so gratefully recieved. Thank you.

If your husband has only told you this morning that he is leaving you I would imagine you are still in shock.

Can you call your Doctor for a telephone appointment at the very least?

pmlindyloo · 24 September 2018 at 10:04AM

I am sorry to hear of your troubles.

First things first, you need to telephone the doctors and ask for a home visit. There is absolutely no need to feel ashamed. You have an illness which you need help with. Do it now!

To help with benefits you need to tell us your personal circumstances,.

Children? Ages? Disabilities?
Own house/mortgaged - jointly owned? Renting? Joint tenancy?
Any savings/other capital?

Is there any chance that your marriage can be saved? Not trying to pry but I am guessing that life has been difficult for both of you and perhaps speaking to a doctor and getting help may help you with your marriage. Has your husband actually left?

Sorry for all the questions!

There will be help available so try not to worry - just need a few details to make sure you apply for the right benefits.

Are you currently receiving any benefits - tax credits for example?

montymud · 24 September 2018 at 10:18AM

Thank you for your kind replies. I'm so sorry, I should have included all that. My head is spinning.

I have two children ages 13 and 15. I don't claim any benefits as one of us has usually always worked. We do get tax credits but obviously that needs to be stopped today as part of it is working tax credits which I am now not entitled to. My house is rented from the local housing association, so I am extremely lucky in that regard. I have no savings and no capital.

I feel like this was all very out of the blue. I didn't see it coming at all. I don't think there's any saving it though, he was quite clear and honestly, knowing that he could do this to us makes me just not want to. He has PTSD and a gambling addiction and I always looked after him and forgave him. I became ill after doing my postgraduate degree in psychology (oh, the irony) and haven't left the house since. I'm very educated but with not being able to leave the house, it's not going to get me very far at all. I know I should've gone to the doctors but I diagnosed myself and have always sat in the camp of disagreeing with medication although I know I should've sought cognitve behavioural therapy. I just still feel so ashamed of not being able to go outside. I suppose I can't really blame my husband - who would want to be married to someone like me, you know.

Okay, first step - ring the doctor. That's going to take a lot of courage and I hope I can do it - I need to. Thank you so much for your help. I really do have no one but I knew MSE would be the place to turn.

pmlindyloo · 24 September 2018 at 10:36AM

After telephoning the doctor and arranging a home visit the next thing to do is to check whether you are in a full service Universal Credit area.

Check here:

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/benefits/universal-credit/before-you-apply/Check-if-youre-eligible-for-Universal-Credit/

Please come back and tell us what it says.

montymud · 24 September 2018 at 10:43AM

Thank you all so much for taking the time to help me.

Universal credit has not yet been fully implemented in my area.

pmlindyloo · 24 September 2018 at 10:57AM

montymud wrote: »

Thank you all so much for taking the time to help me.

Universal credit has not yet been fully implemented in my area.

That makes things simpler

So you can apply for:
Income based ESA (as you know you will need a fit note)
Housing Benefit - from your local council
Council Tax Reduction - from your local council
Child Tax Credits - inform HMRC of your change of circumstances
PIP - if you feel you meet the criteria

Google for information about all of the benefits and how to apply.

Apply for ESA first as this will make things simpler to get the other benefits. (Hence the need to get your fit note sorted)

Don't forget to arrange child support with your husband.

Don't forget to inform your local housing association of the change of circumstances as they may need to change the tenancy agreement.

Some local housing associations have support staff who assist with claiming benefits so if you need help this may be one avenue to explore - worth asking although they may simply direct you to CAB.

However, most of this, for the moment, can be done by telephone.

calcotti · 24 September 2018 at 11:13AM

Excellent advice from pmlindyloo.

Note that in the case of Child Tax Credits a change from a couple to a single person will require a new claim.

Although you said that Uc has not been fully implemented in your area do you know the actual date. In the case of Tax Credits the usual process is for HMRC to send you a claim form but if there is less than 3 weeks before switching to UC they will take a claim over the phone.

Advice on claiming after marriage ending

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