Please help me - Don't know where else to go?

Burny_Sweetwater_Glasgow

Hi Pixie,
I have dropped by this thread and I am not going to offer advice on your finances, there are many who have given excellent advice. All I really wanted to say is do take heed of what they say, take solace as you now know you are not alone and take pride in yourself for the achievements you have made to date. You have been willing to share your predicament with total strangers, who are now your friends, but you do need to share this with your OH. Having been the OH in a similar situation to you I saw the change, the relief, in my OH when the truth was revealed. Yes, it was not pleasant but it turned our lives around. You sound like a very caring person, not wanting to hurt your OH, but in reality you are the one who is suffering the most and I am sure your OH will have noticed that you are somehow different, naturally through the stress and strain you are experiencing of trying to manage the situation on your own.
I hope you manage to resolve your situation but believe me, I am glad that my OH came clean so that we could deal with situation as a couple.
Lots of hugs, you WILL get through this.

chevalier

So to summarise

You need to tell your OH. Because you are financially linked through a mortgage and secured loan, each time you take out credit, it you do so over several time, then you will be affecting his credit score too.

Also I fed two adults two children and two cats on only slightly more a month that you are paying for 2 of you at the moment.

Basically unless it keeps a roof over your head, keeps you warm, keeps you fed, or keeps you in work, or keeps you legal, you can't afford it. You have to understand how perilously close to the edge you are of REAL SERIOUS FINANCIAL TROUBLE.

So if you need you hair cutting do it every 6 wees not 4, and go to the local college. Your face does not need expensive moisteriser, the simple line is perfectly adequate, or Boots. Better still challenge yourself not to buy anymore face creams, make up or perfume until you have used up all you have in the house.

THIS IS YOUR WAKE UP CALL. You can't spend money on these until you are out of debt.

Sorry
chev

Pixie983

In_Search_Of_Me wrote: »

how you doing? I really, really think you need to discuss this with your oh...put the shoe on the other foot and imagine that you are him and discover down the line that you hadnt been told? I know its hard but the consequences of being dishonest, living what is effectively a lie and having to cover up, hide bills etc is going to take a huge toll on you in the long run...
Have you rung people like sky, mobile etc to try and reduce packages? You are spending a fair amount on unucessaries that could go off debt. Noone can have your lightbulb moment for you...its one of the few hings we have to do ourself! I think at the moment you are more in panic mode (or ooo S*** where can I get more credit) but from experience I know that nothing will change until you change and I hope that you do it sooner than I did...or for that matter many others have - there comes a point (youre not there yet) when it is too late and you'll risk loosing the house because you cant make payments...PLEASE deal with this now while you can take control rather than the money controlling you. I promise that doing so is liberating...unlike burying your head/delaying with another loan....hugs for you!
ps...also with loans you need tio look at the interest. One of my loans has 8000 interest! Wish I'd registered that when I took it out - could have bought a brand new car with that!!

Hi All,

Thanks for all of the posts - I know exactly what you are all saying and I don't have a problem with cutting out cosmetic things - I did it before last year. I actually did feel like I had my wake up call last year (when I first started this thread) and I was doing excellent, cut my cards up, cut out spending on things I didn't need, I had a spending diary and I only used cash to pay for everything I could. I was doing so well.....then I had a lapse :mad:. Along comes another credit card and look where I am now. I have major concerns about telling my OH as I remember what happened the last time (nearly 3 years ago when I took out the secured loan to consolidate). It was horrible, and it was kind of 'well you got yourself into this mess.' I am pretty sure he knows I am spending way beyond my means and that I am in a mess but it also concerns me that he hasn't said anything - he makes comments about how I can afford things but in a 'joke' kind of way. I think this is because he doesn't want to hear the truth either. At the end of the day yes the mortgage is joint and yes the secured loan had to go in his name but it's all MY debt. Oh god I just want to curl up in a ball & disappear. I did feel liberated when I sorted everything out 6 months ago but now I just don't feel I can see a way out. Like I say I don't mind giving up anything that's not essential but then what do I do when anything else crops up? There is no emergency fund and I can't afford to save anything?

Maybe I should hold fire with the loan until I get a decision on the PPI then? In the meantime I can transfer £4500 to the Barclaycard on rate for life - at least that gets some off the mbna card. Also I am still paying for the PPI so once the claim is sorted one way or another my monthly secured loan payment will be reduced.

Fire_Fox

Type yourself up a 'Money To Do' list and do at least one thing off it each and every day starting today. That might include writing a meal plan and shopping list before you go to the supermarket or calling Sky to get a cheaper deal.

You have done this before, and we all know you can do this again. Make it for good this time - cut up the cards and then have a hard think about why you went back to your old ways. DON'T make it a mentally-beat-up-Pixie kind of think, but a positive what-can-I-learn-from-last-time? kind of think. If it starts getting negative jump up and do the first thing on your To Do list. :j

Most people try several times to give up smoking before they succeed, the ones that beat it for good are usually the ones that work out what went well and what didn't go so well the last time. Same with money stuff, lots of us have had a few Lightbulb Flickers before our final Lightbulb Moment! :money:

Just tell your OH that you are fed up of paying interest on your cards as it's money down the drain, or that you don't want a loan secured on your house with all the stories of negative equity, or that you want to do a money makeover on your bills just in case one of you gets made redundant ... you don't have to have crisis talks if you aren't ready for that.

Verbatim

Is there a reason you are still paying PPI?

I think there are some cc 0% deals around for BT. We've been sent a few recently from, I think, Alliance and Leicester?? It was until march 2010 so a good year's worth.

Verbatim

I gather from the BT thread that there are 0% BT offers of 14 months available with Tesco @ 2.9% fee and 13 months with Halifax @3% fee. Any good?

Pixie983

Hi Guys,

So I have made some progress, transferred the £4500 to Bcard at 6.9% for life of balance - that gets my MBNA card down but still have £6500 on there at 15.9%. Good news is that I have won my claim on the PPI against First Plus :j I should be getting about £1500 back but have been told by FOS that it will be several more weeks before the complaint is resolved & I have the money. I just don't think there is any point in getting another 0% credit card as I won't be able to afford the monthly payments on another one, as far as I can see it's only MBNA and barclaycard that have low monthly repayments on their cards and I already have cards with both of those! At the moment I am thinking about getting a loan for £7500 (lower interest rate on loans over 7500) clearing the MBNA card and using the extra to pay off some of the barclay card? BUT I have also been contemplating getting rid of the secured loan with FP and paying it off with a personal loan? Can't remember whether I have said this before but the only reason I took the FP loan was because I wanted a longer repayment term, not because of a bad credit rating. I'm getting more & more worried about having that loan secured on the house and it's also in OH's name (they made me do this because mortgage was joint). I'm not 100% sure but I think the current settlement figure will be around £15000 maybe a bit more? The original amount I took with them was for £17000 over 14 years that was 2 1/2 years ago, they have just dropped my rate to 11.5% but it's still a ridiculous amount of interest I am going to pay over the term of the loan.

Still haven't talked to OH about this - I am coming around to the idea but I would rather do it when I have actually done something about the problem. Like 'I am in a mess but this is what I have done about it' is going to go down better that 'I am in a mess what am I going to do?' followed by tears tears and more tears!

GeorgeUK

Do you know if OH has any debts? You might be able to join forces to tackle them. If he could get a virgin card with a 5k limit that he could let you use, that would be perfect.

I agree that the 11.5% needs to be dealt with, but i think you need to deal with these other debts first so you are in a stronger position to tackle it. If you do decide to take out a loan, i would keep a months repayments in reserve just incase you need a buffer to arrange something else if anything happens in the future.

Have you checked how much the payments will be and how much you can afford?

Pixie983

GeorgeUK wrote: »

Do you know if OH has any debts? You might be able to join forces to tackle them. If he could get a virgin card with a 5k limit that he could let you use, that would be perfect.

I agree that the 11.5% needs to be dealt with, but i think you need to deal with these other debts first so you are in a stronger position to tackle it. If you do decide to take out a loan, i would keep a months repayments in reserve just incase you need a buffer to arrange something else if anything happens in the future.

Have you checked how much the payments will be and how much you can afford?

Yes my OH has a loan which he took a few years ago but I remember he only took it over a short term so it's possibly coming to an end soon. May have small amount on a c/card too I'm not really sure to be honest although we share mortgage/bills etc we pretty much keep our own finances to ourselves which I've always thought was a bit strange but OH has always been a bit like that as in 'his money' and 'my money.' That's why I am so petrified of telling him because I really think he will go along the lines of 'your money, you got yourself into the mess how stupid are you.' rather than give me a hug and say 'calm down we will sort this out together.' If I can help it I don't want any of my debt in his name as it's just not fair, that's one of the reasons I want rid of the First Plus loan.

I am currently having a 'moment', got home from work & just starting crying, it is all getting too much for me to think about, I am so confused about what to do and just can't stop beating myself up for getting into this mess in the first place.

In_Search_Of_Me

you need to tell oh...fact is that you are in this mess and its going to take you a long time to get out of it...not telling him is putting pressure on you tht you dont need. Everyone has their breaking pont. While oh may be annoyed initially I would hope that he is supportive once hes got past the rant...youve made a mistake and thats all there is to it. He must know youve been spending too much so doubt it will be a surprise and I'm sure knowing the truth willbe a relief as people tend to sence when sommats up but its worse when you dont know what! Re consolation loan - I wouldnt. You didnt learn last time and unless you stop spending and get down to paying things back I dont think you will change cos, like all of us who love shopping, its got to be long term change in lifestyle...