Where the Blame lies? (bit of a rant about our credit happy Culture)

turpentinekiss

I’m in money trouble, I guess I have been for quite a while but have managed to stave off the inevitable up until now with further borrowing from Credit Cards and overdrafts, and a part time job to cover my loan and minimum payments.

I have really been beating myself up over the fact I can’t pay my creditors and feel like I’ve let myself down.

As the phone calls from creditors and default notices have started to arrive it’s made me start to reflect on where it all went wrong and wonder if is it all my fault or can some blame be put on the culture we live in?

I don’t want to be laid into here, I am embarrassed by my debts and I know that at the end of the day, I ran them up and I should have budgeted better.

I’m 26 now and I’ve not always been so bad with money my mum taught me to be frugal, I grew up in the 1980’s and my family were really affected by recession. I was taught to save, and only spend money on necessities. Some how as a teen I used to manage on £5 a week and always managed to buy clothes, go out with friends and get the odd CD. I just used to spend money wisely and save until I could by the odd special purchase.

My problems started when I moved away to Nottingham and got a job, everyone around me spent money like water and lived a lifestyle far beyond their means (although I didn’t realise that then).
I was on a really good wage for my age (2003: I was 21 and on £21,000) but somehow the more I made the more I spent. I still felt like a pauper as compared to my work colleagues, everyone would have designer handbags, and manicured nails, and expensive hair cuts, I didn’t have any of this stuff- Its not really my kind of thing, but I would go shopping each weekend, go clubbing a few times a week, and eat out a few times a week as I felt I deserved it as I worked so hard.

I felt justified in my spending as I worked hard and everyone else was spending beyond me, driving nice cars, and going out to trendy clubs, if I think about it now no one had a better job than me EVERYONE must have been living off credit.

That was the thing, the offers of credit started to roll in, and soon I had loads of store cards, and one credit card became 5 and because I paid back quite a lot each month they kept on extending my credit limit- then I was offered a loan to consolidate my cards which seemed reasonable as I was going to uni, but then I didn’t get rid of my cards it just cleared more credit for me to spend.

BUT IT WAS JUST WHAT EVERYONE ELSE AROUND ME WAS DOING and even my mum who had kept my family fed and with a roof over our heads in the 1980’s had caught the spending bug, and had bought a holiday on a credit card, and managed to get a second mortgage so my little sister could move into her own place.

Easily available credit, at low rates, and interest only mortgages on property that was going up in value, I think lots and lots of people have been caught up in this same whirlwind and everyone feels entitled to a lifestyle that is often too expensive for a lot of people to cope with.

5 years of living beyond my means has added up and its only now that I am looking at the damage, I think credit cards and loan companies have a lot to answer for, I think a few cards I just got because people in supermarkets signed me up and I liked the colour of the card or the free gift thrown in.

I have been naive and stupid, but whatever my damage is I know there must be loads of other people caught up that have a lot more to loose than me.

sxw

How true your post is. I too am not blameless who is in our situations but ever since I started work I have had credit almost thrown at me, in an attempt to clear that credit I took a loan out to clear the original borrowing and so the spiral begins. Now I honestly cannot say what the money went on, just living really, our wedding was paid for on credit (another loan) but we weren't extravagent (approx £3k). Like you when I look back at how I used to manage on the wage I used to be on! We took out a further advance on the property and for a very short time were clear of unsecured debit, credit cards etc, but my husband decided to do the house up kitchen mainly, I did try and resist and told him to save for it and then do it - something I admit I was not good at but I did want to start a fresh. No he got a loan and then it started again, one borrowing led to another so we ended up getting another further advance on the property because we knew we would be able to wipe the slate clean again so to speak, we must've thought somehow we could continue doing that because it had been so easy - I see this as the biggest mistake in my life - agreeing to get the kitchen done, we had a chance and we blew it big time.

poppyg_2

Yes I think a lot of the cause of people getting into debt (me included!) is to do with the culture we live in - the desire to have things we can't actually afford and don't need teamed with the ease of borrowing makes it too easy for us to try and have lifestyles we can't sustain

rayday2

I am in debt and on a DMP but it is firmly my fault. I don't think unless a person takes 100% responsibility for their life can they ever take control of it.

You can't blame companies for advertising, you can't blame credit companies for offering credit all these companies add to the economy and are employers we all just need to stop think do i need it or is it worth it and take responsiblity for the decision you make - then you can truely tackle anything in life.

Bismarck

Very well put....can't add to it really!

Kind of sobering....

iwanttobreakfree

I have to say I'm just like you. I think the culture today is I can have it now rather than save and I so badly want to get out of that but I cant stop doing stupid things. I too look back with regret on some of the things I have done. Ah to have a time machine!

turpentinekiss

Yes, I'd love to have a time machine, and tell younger me, not to compromise on lifestyle too much BUT just to be careful with money, and realise that credit is not free money, one day it'll all have to be paid back.

gravitytolls

I think the Op has made a valid point. Sure, we must ultimately take responsibility, but that doesn't mean credit companies are free from blame.

Frankly, these people are paid to be able to advise on finance. That's their job. Okay, it's not rocket science to realise that an individual can't afford any more credit, but often, byt the time that point is reached, it's already too late, panic sets in, and bad credit follows - well bad credit. However, as supposed experts in their field, the peddlers of credit should know via credit reports, how deep folk are in, and prevent their downfall; that's responsible lending.

But they won't will they? They want their commission, and the borrower will pick up the tab, even if it means they have to lose their home in the process.

rayday2

But you can always use the words "no thanks"Believe me I have been there with a second mortgage with First Plus - I bitterly regret it but its accepting responsibility and realising I was the one who said yes and not thinking there is a big injustice that will stop me doing it again!

onedayiwill

Rayday wrote:

I don't think unless a person takes 100% responsibility for their life can they ever take control of it.

Totally agree. Yes, the available of credit is a huge draw to us. But that doesn't mean we have to take it.

To get out of the trouble we get ourselves into (not just debt) we have to take full responsibility for our actions; blame does not help.

boredofbeingathome

I think we are all the authors of our own lives. It is how we now face the situations we are in that matters. It may be possible to undo some of the damage, but really we all have to look forwards not back. It is human nature to want to point fingers and blame,and i am guilty of thinking and doing all of the above as well.
I have thought about it quite a bit. When we were younger, folk were paid weekly cash in hand and a payslip. banks were for savings accounts and a dreaded interview/interrogation before loans or a mortgage was granted. If you were skint you knew there were only a few days until payday. The likes such as provi and tick for furniture abounded.
Then came monthly salaries, and the need for a bank account, and managing a 5 week month. With it came overdrafts and then the advent of credit cards..which were infinately cheaper than other sources.
Industry and trade boomed, as did the grass is greener approach to life.Influential/affluential telly and magazines..... fostering the need for ...that product/clothes/shoes/car.
Really it is a whole cultural/human nature thing. We don't have to have it, but we have and so we are looking for a way out..that's when it becomes harder, and can cause misery. A lot of it is because we care about what other people think of us, and what they will say if something happens when we suddenly no longer have the trappings.