Boyfriends debt £2500+

emma_lewis84

hi all,

I'm panicking after last night discovering that my bf owes ~£2500 on two different credit cards.

I opened his statments (shouldn't have done I know) because I knew something wasn't quite right.

I have loaned him £500 to pay off one card (balance now £1600) and £250 to clear another one. The balance he owes is £1600 on cc and £750 to me. At least I won't charge him interest ;-).

I'm concerned because although he's been using the cc's to top up his 'spending money' (nights out with friends, lunches in work etc) he also admitted he has spent some of the money gambling online - on nights when I'm out with friends and he's sitting in, bored. He said it "doesn't feel like real money".

I'm really worried that when we try and remortgage next year, his bad credit (he missed 3 payments on his cc) will affect the deals we can get - and I'm also sad that he hid it from me. I'm concerned his gambling may be more of a horror story than he lets on - you hear some awful tales don't you?

any advice would be appreciated...

Cleosmum

Can you get him to cut the cards up/close the accounts? I would be concerned about lending him the money and leaving them live esp as he doesnt see the gambling as real money. Can you also get him to work out a budget for spends? Can he do overtime to give himself money for nights out with friends? Can you get him to take lunch to work?

Dont spose there is any chance he can BT the 1600 onto a 0%?

dumpy

I'd be very, very careful about lending any more money.

You say he doesn't see it as real money and now he doesn't have to deal with the consequences of his actions as you have bailed him out (to some extent)

You can't make someone have a light bulb moment but you can stop making it easy for them to avoid having one.

If he has a gambling habit are you sure that htese are his only two cards? Has he any other debt you are not aware of? Would he order his credit file and show it to you?

Good luck

emma_lewis84

don't think he'd get a 0% as he has a rubbish credit rating.

I think he has been 100% honest with me now, so I think these are the only debts.

He has started making his own sandwiched and working lots of overtime - he hasn't gambled for 4+ months (I checked his cc statements!!!) so I think he has decided to 'change' but it's so concerning.

but £1600 is 'clearable' isn't it?? He can pay off £100 a month (we worked out a budget last night!) and he gets a bonus of £2000 in December so will pay me back from that...

I hate debt - it makes me feel sick ( I don't want it to affect out house and living...

Cleosmum

Its easily clearable, he needs to cut back to the bone, give up nights out etc, he really needs to feel the pinch or he wont learn. Wish my debt was £1600, even £2500 would be fine lol.

GeorgeUK

Can't really offer advice, but your concerns are well founded.
This is from personal experience

Fortunately, £2500 is not an unmanagable amount. I would definately not loan him any more money though. First see if he starts paying you back, even a little at a time, or if he is still going on nights out with friends and spending money he doesn't have.

It sounds like you and BF are quite serious - getting a mortgage etc. If he has recently started gambling, then it may be fairly easy to break the habit. If you have had a serious heart to heart about it and you are still not sure, then you can view online a persons gambling history with their account. You could ask him if you could see this if you are very concerned, but you would need to know what site/s he uses.

Has he applied for any credit recently? Might be worth him checking his credit file (free at experian if you cancel within 30 days). He may be able to get a 0% card to transfer the remaining debt to so that he can clear it quicker. Hopefully he will clear it, have DD or SO set up so that he doesn't need to worry about missing payments and it will have no impact on the remortgage.

The gambling is a concern, but on the other hand, at least he admitted it to you which is definately a good sign. Hopefully he's a "social" gambler and can kick it as easily as he started it. Possibly a few computer games will cure his boredom long enough to let him forget the gambling.

My personal experience is not quite so good with this. I gambled for a few years before finding MSE, had stopped, reduced my debt, but still played poker freerolls. Never thought that the worst thing would be to win. A few good months and i started spending money i'd won for free on more games - and still won. Then i started on the casino, won more (probably had about £17k) thought i'd stop at 20. Lost, thought i'd just play until i won back what i lost. Lost, thought i must be due a win etc. Now in debt again.

Not meaning to bore you with this, but i'm just trying to point out that the gambling is easy to lose control of. A few moments of not thinking or getting in a certain mind set can do alot of damage - and i'm not just talking financial. I thought freerolls would be a good way to wean myself off gambling, but i don't seem to have enough control even for that. Please make sure that he has uninstalled any software from the sites and is aware of how concerned you are.

Hopefully he's more sensible that me; pays you back before spending it on nights out and you both live happily ever after.

Edit: You said he's cleared one of the cards. Has he closed it yet? Some banks offer 0% incentives to keep customers. If he has not defaulted too often with this card then hopefully he can get something when he calls to close the card.

phildamb

I think the reality is that is as long as he earns over 15k a year he should be able to pay off a debt of 2500...its not a lot by comparison to some peoples who do far better. It sounds more like a lack of acceptance of the situation. If he cant afford to pay his cc off how can be gambling or going out? Sounds like hes digging his own hole here. And others here are right he wont even be able to move the CC to 0% as he has missed payments so all he can do is pay more than a minimum each month say £100 and destroy the cards so he cant use them. If he needs a top up on his spending money would need to do over time or get a second job.