Trapped in shared ownership?

WSO

I have a shared mortage (50/50) with my ex - only he has been spending a lot of time staying at his new partners place.

However, he now expects to split his time between hers and ours and expects me to allow her to stay for free since they won't owe each other anything for each others rent. However I have said that I would expect him to pay for 2/3 of mortage for days she stays over (mainly for the inconvience of me having to put up with them).

He didn't like the idea and said if she were to pay towards the mortgage then he would expect me to refund him for all the days he didn't spend at the house.

I was of the understanding that if the mortgage was shared then each of us is liable to pay half until it is paid, irrespective of where they spend most of their time. If this is the case then surely he can't ask me to effectively provide him free equity in the house just because he chooses not to spend his time there... can he?

I feel trapped, I can't afford to rent anywhere until my name is off the mortgage - but I don't want to share the house I pay half for without something for the inconvience and extra I'll have to pay for the bills.

I'd like to hear peoples thoughts please...

homer_j_3

WSO wrote: »

However, he now expects to split his time between hers and ours and expects me to allow her to stay for free

Is it me or is this a very very strange arrangement. Why not say, you stay at hers permanently and dont live here?

However I have said that I would expect him to pay for 2/3 of mortage for days she stays over (mainly for the inconvience of me having to put up with them).

I am not sure what to say here.

He didn't like the idea and said if she were to pay towards the mortgage then he would expect me to refund him for all the days he didn't spend at the house.

I was of the understanding that if the mortgage was shared then each of us is liable to pay half until it is paid, irrespective of where they spend most of their time.

You are both responsible for the WHOLE debt. If he stops paying, the whole mortgage is still his debt as it is still yours.

I feel trapped, I can't afford to rent anywhere until my name is off the mortgage - but I don't want to share the house I pay half for without something for the inconvience and extra I'll have to pay for the bills.

I'd like to hear peoples thoughts please...

You may want to explore removing him from the mortgage.

silvercar

However I have said that I would expect him to pay for 2/3 of mortage for days she stays over

if she were to pay towards the mortgage then he would expect me to refund him for all the days he didn't spend at the house.

Both these ideas are as stupid as each other.

You both need to continue being jointly responsible for the mortgage until one of you buys the other out or you sell up.

Why does he need two homes? I don't see why his new partner needs to stay at your place, sounds insensitive.

...but I don't want to share the house I pay half for without something for the inconvience and extra I'll have to pay for the bills.

Thats was the basis on which you bought the place.

There is clearly a lot of bitterness in your post. I think you need to separate the finances from the emotion.

WSO

homer_j wrote: »

Is it me or is this a very very strange arrangement. Why not say, you stay at hers permanently and dont live here?

He wants to be sure they are compatible with each other before deciding if he wants to buy me out. Don't know why he just can't stay over at hers - maybe he feels he wants to get his money's worth out of paying for the house or he just wants to make life uncomfortable for me. I wish I knew what he was thinking.

homer_j wrote:

You are both responsible for the WHOLE debt. If he stops paying, the whole mortgage is still his debt as it is still yours.

The whole mortgage amount comes out of my account - so I guess I'd be the first point of call if we were to fall behind because he wasn't paying his share.

homer_j wrote:

You may want to explore removing him from the mortgage.

I'm not sure I can afford to, the mortgage is about 55% of my salary before bills etc, plus I have loans at about 20% of my take home... besides, wouldn't we both have to agree what to do to be able to change anything?

Is it possible to sell my half to one of those companies that buys property to rent it back so I can free myself from the liability and be able to afford to rent somewhere? I'm not sure if I could live with his proposal.

silvercar

Is it possible to sell my half to one of those companies that buys property to rent it back so I can free myself from the liability and be able to afford to rent somewhere?

The short answer is no.

He wants to be sure they are compatible with each other before deciding if he wants to buy me out. Don't know why he just can't stay over at hers - maybe he feels he wants to get his money's worth out of paying for the house or he just wants to make life uncomfortable for me. I wish I knew what he was thinking.

This is just ridiculous. Are you going to take him back if it doesn't work out with the new one? Sounds like he is walking all over you.

I would put your foot down and say you don't want her staying in your home.

Gorgeous_George

Get yourself a boyfriend (a big one) or, better still, a girlfriend (a big one) and move them in.

Why not one of each?



GG

WSO

silvercar wrote: »

Both these ideas are as stupid as each other.

You both need to continue being jointly responsible for the mortgage until one of you buys the other out or you sell up.

I want to sell up, either to him or someone else - I just don't want to have to deal with him any more. But he keeps changing his mind as to what to do and until we sell I can't afford to live anywhere else.

silvercar wrote:

Why does he need two homes? I don't see why his new partner needs to stay at your place, sounds insensitive.

I'm told her place is small and I think it's on the market - perhaps he's trying to hold on until it sells so he can buy me out... even so there is no need for him to stay at ours - if I had somewhere else to get away to I wouldn't be bothered so much - but there is so much bitterness there at the moment I would feel uneasy in my own home if he went ahead with his plans.

silvercar wrote:

There is clearly a lot of bitterness in your post. I think you need to separate the finances from the emotion.

Thank you for reminding me to keep a level head, but I feel so trapped right now I just want the quickest way out of my liability.

homer_j_3

just because the mortgage comes from your account, it doesnt mean you are any more responsible for the mortgage than he is.

Could you go back to parents or rent a room from a friend?

WSO

silvercar wrote: »

This is just ridiculous. Are you going to take him back if it doesn't work out with the new one? Sounds like he is walking all over you.

No I don't want to take him back, I don't trust him any more - besides I've found someone else, but he lives 3 hours away unfortunately! I feel he is trying to get it all his own way and I feel powerless if he were to insist she stay. The thing is, if we both own half the house how can we resolve whether someone stays or not if opinions differ?

silvercar wrote:

I would put your foot down and say you don't want her staying in your home.

I have, made it perfectly clear I wasn't having it the first time he suggested it (only that time she *was* willing to help with the costs because they wouldn't have somewhere else to go to).

However he just accuses me of being obtrusive and trying to break them up - when the fact of the matter is I'd rather not have to deal with him any more... he can live with her - I just don't want her living under my roof, just a shame I can really stop him staying here either.

WSO

I can't go live with my parents - they are both about 2 hours away... can't think of any friends I could stay with, but even if I could I wouldn't want to overstay my welcome, and with his indecision about what he wan'ts to do it could take a while to resolve.

PasturesNew

How tricky ....

I've no idea what to say.

The only solution is to sell. But I'm guessing you can't make him.