New relationships?

WestWalesWannabee

Hi.

I just thought I'd ask if anybody else feels the same way I do, i.e. scared of starting up a new relationship with someone who probably doesn't have the same money worries/debt as them? The thought of having to tell someone about the mess you're in absolutely terrifies me and makes me think that they would think less of you. It might sound daft I know but I think I would rather meet someone in the same boat as me so that they understand and don't judge you badly. Also, if there are ccj's etc, having to tell someone that you won't be able to buy a house with them because you won't be able to get credit. Anybody else feel the same?

Lucy1982_2

I thought that when I met my ex. And tried to keep up with his spending for a while and then realised he was in a worse state than I was :eek: But couldn't understand that he needed to do something about :eek: :eek:

Which actually put more pressure on our relationship.

secretspender_2

oh my god yes I am going through this at the moment.

I've been with my bloke for a year, he has just moved into my rented house with me and he now on about buying a house together. He knows I am debt but not how much....nightmare.

poppyg_2

I'm settled in a relationship so I have no worries on that front luckily but yes I can see where you're coming from. However, I think the fact you're doing something about your debt not just carrying on spending is a real positive thing, it's not like you'd be saying you had tons of debt and never going to get rid of it.

Also, everyone has some kind of history that they're maybe a bit embarassed about and I think the way the world is today someone being in a lot of debt shouldn't really come as a major shock, it seems like most people have some form of debt, obviously some worse than others

It's a real tough one and I suppose the question is when the subject should be raised regarding debt, guess that's the key thing

Lucy1982_2

My ex's attitude was very much, we don't live together so why do you need to know it doesn't affect you.

But of course it does when he can't afford to do anything, and I can't work out why!! It partly caused the end of our relationship because we never when anywhere or did anything even though I always made sure i had some cash aside.

Bunnyinthelights

Personally, I dont worry about it,
I may have been careless with money in the past, but I am not a bad person and deserving of love the same as anyone else.
x

donner_kebab

Bunnyinthelights wrote: »

Personally, I dont worry about it,
I may have been careless with money in the past, but I am not a bad person and deserving of love the same as anyone else.
x

Well said Bunny, too true :A xxx

Waspeze

I haven't "met" anyone for years, partly due to my constant worry over my money problems, just felt I wouldn't have been able to contribute to a relationship and there was no way I was going to be in that situation.

Ironically it's only now (since BR) that my confidence has come back and i'm a lot happier with everything, all my friends keep telling me of the change in me :)

redsquirrel80

I think it's best to be honest. Money will always come up at some point in discussions and I don't think there's any shame in saying that you've had some problems in the past and you're working on sorting them out now. If you start to get serious about someone then you want it to be someone who accepts you for who you are and support you in how you want to live your life (i.e. get debt free). If you're restricted in what you can do because of a lack of money, then it's only fair on the other person that they know why (otherwise they may think you don't want to do things, and it'll lead to misunderstandings).. and fair on yourself that you're not under pressure to spend uneccessarily, or to lie about your situation, hardly a good start to a relationship.

As Bunny says, it doesn't make you a bad person just because you've made some wrong choices in the past, or found yourself in a difficult situation which has caused money problems. In fact it's part of what's made you who you are today....

Lucy1982_2

redsquirrel80 wrote: »

If you're restricted in what you can do because of a lack of money, then it's only fair on the other person that they know why (otherwise they may think you don't want to do things, and it'll lead to misunderstandings)..

I think that this is what happen with my ex and I, he wasn't honest about it, while I was (just so he knew) and by the time he did admit it, I was so unhappy that the relationship only lasted another month or so.

immoral_angeluk

Completelty agree with Bunny.