Help pls. The wife dropped a bombshell on me of £10k debt

marks260171

Hi
I dont know where to start and am feeling sick with worry over this

My wife told me last night she had accumulated £10k worth of debt and had nothing to show for it on her credit card, and kept it all al secret and bottled it up

I just dont know where to start so any advice is greatly appreciated

We have a joint income of £30k ish ( mine is about £24k )

We have a £300 car payment every month and childcare starting in September of about £300-£400 per month also. The mortgage is appx £420 pm as well as all the usual utility bills etc

She is on her last bit of maternity leave and is at the point where she is going to get zero wages for the next to months....which is what prompted her to tell me as she could not make the payment

The loan was taken out in Feb this year and I have looked at it and told her to cancel the additional £2300 payment protection on the £8k

The only savings we have is £1800 which I thought to use while she has no money income for last part of maternity leave ( use £500 to cover her bills / car payment ) and use the remainder to pay off a bit of her debt

Please help with some good advice as I am losing sleep and becoming more worried.

Thanks in advance

pania

hi marks and welcome. so sorry to hear this. there is a way forward i promise.

Ok, so firstly let us know what your outgoings are, people here can look at that and suggest ways it can be cut back to allow the debt to be hit quick and hard. The main way is spending on food, there are many ways to get this down to free up extra money, encourage your wife to have a look at the old style board and to look at other stories on here, we will always support and give as much advice as we can. we're also quite a fun bunch to be around sometimes and the worry will soon fade.
Who currently has control of the finances? Without making your wife feel inadequate or untrusted (shes probably feeling pretty bad already) are you able to take control and give your wife and allowance per month to prevent this happening again? Has the debt come from her struggling to meet the costs of running the home but not wishing to say anything to you? try to get to the bottom of this and see if there really isn't anything to show for it.
Have you anything you can ebay or car boot to throw a lump at the debt. With a bit of focus and concentration you can hammer this down pretty easily.
But most of all i respect you for supporting your wife with this despite the inevitable anger and disappointment you must be feeling.

Broken_hearted

Don't pay it for her or put the debt in your name.I would support her but make her sort it out herself.

GeorgeUK

Get her to look at her credit file - and you look at yours too (free at experian if you cancel within 30 days). If you have less that 3 credit checks within the last 6 months it may be possible for you to get a 0% CC. This will allow you to transfer some or all of the money from one card to another but not need to worry about interest piling on. Virgin money seems to be doing a good deal right now.

angeldiva

Marks, it’s a great idea that you posted here, you must be a great husband to a) take that action and try to help her sort it and b) be open enough for her to come to you.

I have read many posts on here where the wife is in debt and afraid to talk to the hubby so you have a great relationship. Us women do silly things sometimes (look at my debt) but its good to have support to sort it all out.

Firstly you need to post a full Statement of Affairs on here so that the really clever people (who will be along shortly) will be able to help you get that cleared off in no time!

Clever people, please could you put the link so that Marks knows how to lay it out.

Wishing you the best of luck

tallyhoh

To sort it out I think you need to find why it happened? She's on less money than you, how do you share the bills. I know some people would still expect 50% even off less money.
Buying stuff for new baby? Is she still spending at pre-pregnancy rate?

It might be a one off thing cus of reduced wages & baby on way but you need to find out.

Any chance you could post an SOA? The learned people on here will soon find ways of reducing this debt.

jak

I bhave to say, if you earn £24k and she earns £6k shouldn't you be paying more of the bills therefore leaving her with more disposable income? She must have nothing left after bills on 6K and this is indicative of the problem. You are a family after all. I would suggest a budget you draw up between you and a joint paying off of the debt. You must have a fairly large amount left over from your wages compared to her to I suggest you use that for your family. I realise she has done wrong but if her bills are 500 pcm then she literally has nothing left.
Good luck
X

poppyg_2

I think it's great that you've posted on here, you can now work together to pay these debts off

I do think it's important to establish how the debts were run up, as they could've arisen through any number of issues

If you post up an SOA as others have suggested you'll get some fantastic advice

nicola1982_2

As somebody currently on maternity leave I know how difficult it can be. You have no clue of your family's financial status.

30k should be a good enough joint income to deal with a 10k debt on ccs. It would mean cutting down but it's doable (OH and I deal with about that on less and higher rent than your mortgage payments).

I essentially don't have a penny for me. So if OH overspends then my needs have to go by the wayside. Fortunately my student years (where my debt comes from!) have meant I'm used to it, but I imagine many women aren't.

Sit down and deal with the hows and whys quickly, then get on with being a family. Think about needs vs wants and prioritise.

With regards to childcare are you claiming the chilcare element of the family tax credits? As well as getting busy bees vouchers? Plus will that not mean your wife has an income again? Could she request a small payment break to tide you over until she's working?

onedayiwill

Hi Mark,

I was your wife. Not literally of course! But I had run about about the same amount of debt (actually a little bit more), had nothing to show for it, and kept it from my husband. I bring home under £12,000 a year net, he brings home probably around the same as you.

Telling him was the hardest (and as it turned out - the best) thing I have ever done. I felt so guilty not only for the debt but also for keeping it from him.

Mr OneDay was extremely supportive. He gave me a big hug, told me he loved me and that we would sort it out. He asked what help I wanted - did I want some money to pay it off? did I want him to take over the finances and give me "pocket money"? Did I want ...?

I said I just wanted his support while I paid it off - my debt, my problem. We did adjust some of the bill paying so he now pays a bit more than he is probably due (we always had split them proportionally to our income) but this was the only financial help I accepted. To me it was important for me to learn to manage my money - him paying it off would not have helped, and being given "pocket money" while he worked out how I should pay it off would have made me feel so completely stupid and like I couldn't be trusted.

I am not providing much practical help. But I wanted to share my story as it is so similar (without the maternity part).

I think it is great that you have posted here and want to support your wife through this. But please be sure to discuss with her the help she wants, the ideas you have that might help, the advice you get here etc. Be very careful not to make her feel like you have taken over, that she can't be trusted or that she has been stupid.

She will be feeling really low as it is - she is aware of the mess she has got into and that it not only affects her but also those she loves most - she will be very fragile. Show her lots of love and be supportive. It's not just about the debt.

tigzem

Just wanted to say what a lovely post from OneDay....

Mark - I hope you can work through this and come out stronger as a couple/family afterwards.