I can't stop spending - Updated with SOA

EmptyPurse

Several times over the last couple of years I've thought I had a 'lightbulb moment', tidied up my finances and started living within my means. It only ever lasts a month or two before I fall back into my old ways.

At the moment things are really bad. I broke up with my boyfriend a few weeks ago and just seem to be spending money left right and centre on things I really don't need. I know exactly why I'm doing it - I'm desperately lonely, as well as being very bored at work - but I just don't seem to be able to stop. It's as if the common sense switch in my brain is broken.

I'm guessing that some of you must have been through the same sort of thing before you had your lightbulb moments. How did you finally get things under control and stop spending? How did you keep up your new habits after the first few weeks? How do you manage to have a social life without money? This is really puzzling me - if I'm spending money because I'm lonely, not joining in the few social activities that come my way isn't going to work :-)

**Amy**

:hello:

I have had 2 LBMs and the 1st one i had, within a matter of 2 months I had piled on another £5.5K worth of debt (dont ask! :rotfl: ).

The 2nd one is my current one. We all have slip ups where we go over our budget etc. once in a while, but the best thing to do is forget it, and carry on.

What spurs me on is the fact that if i carry on spending how i did, i would be in constent debt. My wages go automatically on debts, so i wouldnt be able to feel like its worth working (if that makes sense!). I think about the fact that i will have £XX amount left every month that used to go on debts.

As for the social side, i have budgeted myself £50 a week (to include food for myself and 2 cats, any other bits). If i want to go out, i have to make sure i have enough money.

It may sound harsh, but if it means in 12 months time i will be debt free its a small price to pay.

Sorry for rambling. I think your best bet is to post a SOA on here, so we can try and help you cut down (if at all possible) on some of your outgoings.

Then you need to figure out how much money you will allow yourself a week for food etc.

Then do a budget plan, so you can see exactly what is going in and out.

Also, try and get things that you dont "need" and sell them on ebay etc. Its such a great feeling when something that has sat around collecting dust sells.

Again, im rambling, sorry! :rolleyes: But hope you get some ideas.

xx

Cleosmum

I am really determind that I will clear my debts and start doing the things in life that I want to do. I think determination to clear it is essential. To keep focussed I have joined in challenges on here and I keep a spreadsheet for them so that I can see how well I am doing. Seeing the progress on the challenges spurs me on to do more. I also post on the daily small DFW thread, which has been great for keeping me focussed and I cant imagine not posting on it and checking out what small things other people are doing. Its fairly easy to do the big stuff and then feel in limbo, so now the big stuff is out of the way I do the small, like washing 30, line drying, walking rather than driving, etc. As for being lonely and getting out and about, maybe you need to do some things in doors and enjoy your own company? Read, watch dvds (free trials), pamper yourself. Or you could take on an evening bar job which gets you out, and earns money to help with the debts. How about taking on mystery shop assignments? Or you could some volunteer work? I know its unpaid but it will get you out

chevalier

It is different things for different people but in general the following are what tend to bring people up short
1) They are having a family and suddenly realise that they aren't going to be able to cope on one income.
2) They apply for another card/loan and can either a not get one at all, or can't get one unless it is with a really horrendous APR
3) They fall ill, and suddenly can't pay their debts
4) They find an objective the desparately want to do (fab holiday, getting on the housing ladder, retraining) and the motivation to get to that goal stops them spending

With you you have answered yourself, you are lonely and bored. So you could
do an evening course to meet people
look at free training on the web
look for a job that you think you will really enjoy

If you are be proactive (looking for ways to distract you from spending) rather than reactive - something bad happens so I will spend to make me feel better (which of course you know it doesn't after the initial high of the purchase), then it can refocus you away from spending and towards getting control of your finances.

The other thing to do is maybe to go cash only, ie take out £20 at the beginning of the week, and when it is gone it is gone. Ie carry no cards. Or don't go to where you might be tempted to spend. Eg if you always go out at lunch time to 'just get something for lunch', which leads you to buy other things, then taking a packed lunch of some sort, takes you away from temptation.

best of luck
chev

SortingIt_2

Evening,

In my experience, being bored and lonely contributes to spending. I know that when I split up with an ex shopping etc was a instant feel good factor and also kept me busy. The two go hand in hand. So, I guess you need to try and up your social life without spending too much. I am very lucky to have a great group of friends and just explained moneys tight and we had cheap nights like a girls night in sharing a bottle of wine and pizza from tescos or something like that. Dvd nights - or even started jogging regularly one eve with a mate etc.

It is hard to find the balance -but it's great that you recognise that you want to stop the spending etc. Something I didn't do for a while and regret that.

I am currently on a dmp to clear my debts - its going to take a while but I look at what I want from the future, house, marriage, kids - possible change in career (=pay decrease) so I know that I have to pay it off sooner than the length of the dmp so I am saving alongside every spare penny that I can and hope that in a couple of years I will have enought to pay all my debts off.

Boring as it sounds but can you get any overtime at work - will earn you money and keep you busy?? I guess work out what you want i.e to clear debts or save xxx etc and make a plan. Little steps and you will get there!

Good luck & take care.

EmptyPurse

My laptop's not letting me thank everyone right now, but I really appreciated all the suggestions. Thanks all! Will respond properly when I'm back on a computer that works - can't even do paragraphs at the moment! - but at least I have some things to think about tonight.

GirlRacer_2

I agree with SortingIt, I also spend when I'm feeling down because it makes me feel good, but I only feel good for a short period of time. I try and keep myself busy so I don't get bored and think about how I'm feeling. Why not sign up for some of the challenges on here, your too busy thinking of ways to make money to feel sad and go shopping

ltm07

EmptyPurse wrote: »

Several times over the last couple of years I've thought I had a 'lightbulb moment', tidied up my finances and started living within my means. It only ever lasts a month or two before I fall back into my old ways.

At the moment things are really bad. I broke up with my boyfriend a few weeks ago and just seem to be spending money left right and centre on things I really don't need. I know exactly why I'm doing it - I'm desperately lonely, as well as being very bored at work - but I just don't seem to be able to stop. It's as if the common sense switch in my brain is broken.

I'm guessing that some of you must have been through the same sort of thing before you had your lightbulb moments. How did you finally get things under control and stop spending? How did you keep up your new habits after the first few weeks? How do you manage to have a social life without money? This is really puzzling me - if I'm spending money because I'm lonely, not joining in the few social activities that come my way isn't going to work :-)

Hi, I went through a similar phase a few years back when I split up with my ex. I was spending way beyond my means & it really did start to spiral out of control. Don't deprive yourself of a social life,just look at how you can have one within your budget. Invite friends round for nights in. If you would like to go out for dinner with friends suggest going to the local Wetherspoons or places where they do 2 meals for £8-£9. Look out for special offers for days out,meals out etc. Things will fall into place sooner or later if you stay within your budget. It is an awful feeling being lonely & I guess most of us have been there at some time of our lives,but keep your chin up & before you know it you will start to feel better. Good luck!!

EmptyPurse

I sat down last night and worked out my SOA. I've posted it below in the hopes that someone might have some bright ideas about how to cut back/cut down on my expenses:

Monthly Direct Debits/Standing Orders
Rent £675
Contact Lenses £24.95 (have to have special toric lenses which are more expensive than ordinary lenses)
TV Licence £11.75
Charity £3
BT Line Rental £4 (£11.75 per quarter)
Electricity £27 (no gas so covers all usage; pay set amount monthly so that high use in winter is offset in summer)
Broadband £18.99 (under contract so can’t change)
Mobile £35-£40
Art History Magazine £4.60 (£13.85 per quarter)
PruHealth + Gym £60 (under contract so can’t cancel)
Council Tax £78
OneTel (landline) £0-£3
Home Contents Insurance £13.28
Credit Card 1 £80 (minimum amount - will go down to c.£65 shortly)
Credit Card 2 £150 (set amount – above minimum as trying to clear this one faster)
Credit Card 3 £70
Christmas Savings £25
Emergency Savings £50 (this is to cover unplanned/unforeseen expenses)
Travelcard: £102
Groceries: £150 (in theory; often end up spending more)
General expenses: £150 (in theory; often end up spending a lot more. Includes going out, new clothes, birthday presents, dry cleaning/shoe repairs, train fares to visit friends/relatives)

Total: £1739


Take home pay is £1672 so am always £67 in the red, even if I stick to my grocery & general expenses budget, which I never do......

I used to take home c.£1700 but have just started paying into a pension plan, hence the discrepancy (they put in £200 for every £100 I put in, so I thought it was worth it at the time and can't drop out now).

I'd really like to cut back by around £100 per month and also learn to stick to my budget of £150 for general expenses. Any bright ideas?

RAS

Hi

how long before you can cut out the Gym?

You mobile is high - cut this.
Query the art magazine or charity be cut out?

General expenses seems high - this is what you need to hammer, particulalry as you have a large emergency savings fund.

And can you cut even £20 off the groceries.

EmptyPurse

Gym: have only just signed up (last month - pre lightbulb moment) so no chance I can cut that out for a year. I'll just make sure that I use it very regularly - if I'm at the gym, at least I won't be out spending money

Mobile: Am definitely going to cut this. Thinking about going for PAYG instead of contract and using for emergencies only, but would need to buy new handset (current one has just died). Need to work out cheapest option.

Art Magazine: Good point. Love reading it every month but it's a luxury. Will cancel sub.

Savings: Don't understand logic about stopping my savings. They aren't long-term savings, just putting aside some money to cover Christmas and emergencies (e.g. if I broke my glasses). If I didn't put this money aside I'd end up putting stuff on the credit card and getting even deeper into debt.

General Expenses: Yes, I agree they're high and need hammering. I'm just stuck as to how to do this. Next month, for example, I'm off to a friend's wedding. Transport alone will cost me £50-£60, then there's £30 for a wedding present and £10-£15 for drinks at the reception. That's £100 (two thirds of my monthly budget) just on one day :eek: