Would you get involved with someone in debt?

ms_london

Hello hello.

Just thought I would ask the above question. Would you get involved with someone who is in debt? Whether that is someone you meet while you are in debt and you find out they are too, or you find yourself eventually debt free and you find out they are in debt?

Just wondered really. I know it is easy to think about the 'what if's' - and you dont really know until you meet that person & know how you feel about them, I just think I would be slightly put off. Actually saying that, I think I would be put off if they were lousy with money, but if they had debt but were a reformed character, this would be different. I would also have to try VERY hard NOT to shove MSE and the DFW down their throats, hehe!

Does this make me sound harsh?? I know that when I was in debt I found it hard to meet anyone, and couldnt really afford to date, so kind of gave up. I know people can do it, and as I said, its about who you meet and if you want to make it work.

I just feel as though I have been there and done that and I would hate to have to go through it again, as at the end of the day, I would still feel the burden of their debt.

I have also mentioned before, and I know most people will not agree, but do you think it is wrong to have a savings account kept secret from your partner/husband? This is exactly what I am going to do.

I wonder when I got so bitter and cynical :rotfl: :rotfl:

Please understand I am not slating people for being in debt, so dont take it personally.

xx

ZTD

It's not whether people have a positive or negative bank balance.

It's whether they are in control, and heading in the right direction. A spendthrift can have a positive bank balance because of a dead relative. It doesn't mean they are a good prospect.

Buffythedebtslayer

I am not sure, since its not something you shout about and once you are close enough to talk about stuff like that you might be in too deep?

one thing I won't ever do is have a shared Credit card or pay all my wages into a joint account, I will always have my own bank account and pay my share into a joint account.
now that sounds mean!

xx

ZTD

Buffythedebtslayer wrote: »

I am not sure, since its not something you shout about and once you are close enough to talk about stuff like that you might be in too deep?

one thing I won't ever do is have a shared Credit card or pay all my wages into a joint account, I will always have my own bank account and pay my share into a joint account.
now that sounds mean!

xx

It's how I've always done it.

Buffythedebtslayer

ZTD wrote: »

It's how I've always done it.

i feel better now you have said that Z, makes things far more straight forward I think.

xx

duchy

If being attracted to someone because they are wealthy (think 70 year old millionaire with twenties wife) is tacky or shallow......is refusing to get involved with someone because they are in debt as tacky and shallow...or different-and if it's different-then why ?
Personally I don't creditcheck my prospective dates I'm more intrested in if they are decent human beings and can carry an inteligent conversation.

Bayblue

That's a very good question....

Um..I think that yes, I would get involved with someone who is in debt, after all, I expect that most people are one way or another, but only with someone who was taking steps to get out of debt and secure their future, if that makes sense. Everyone makes mistakes in life and I'd be a hypocrite if I ruled out a man because of a few financial problems, but at the same time there would be no point in getting together and pooling resources with someone who had no intentions of trying to improve their problems.

Also, past experience has taught me that if two people have vastly different views on handling money the relationship is going to be very hard work and probably (for me) ain't gonna work.

I don't know about the savings account thing.... I can see that it's important to have your own 'stash' as it were, but I don't necessarily see the need to keep it secret, well, maybe the balance on it but not the actual existence of it. I think I'd be a bit miffed if my boyf was hiding accounts from me, it would feel like he didn't trust me. Mind you, that's just me, and if there's one thing I've learnt from all this money saving, it's that everyone must do what's right for themselves, it doesn't make you bitter or cynical ms_london, just very cautious, and that's a good thing for all of us to be.
I wouldn't want a millionaire (as if!) just a man who only spends within his limits. If that means value baked beans, but he's a lovely guy then that's good enough for me.

jak

I did once. By the time he admitted it we were living together and had joint everything! Nightmare. Ended up in a lot of joint debt when we split. He went bankrupt and I paid the debts back. NEVER AGAIN!!!
Plus he was a total git...used to say he'd paid bills but hadn't...first I knew about some of them was after we'd split and i'd moved out. Took 3 years and a lot of help from Mum to pay it all back and has wrecked my credit rating. So no way would I get into a relationship with someone in debt..if I knew about it that is!

Sue-UU

A good and thought-provoking question. Our Son got in to a fair amount of debt and nothing we said really made a great deal of difference, but then along came his GF and her complete opposite way of life changed him dramatically. Slowly they paid it all back, got married and now save so well that you wouldn't believe it was the same lad. So, I guess it all depends on the people concerned and the influence one can have on the other.

First of all I thought you meant friends and how people would react if they found out they were in debt. To that I'd say that I don't think I'd care at all - so long as they weren't 'asking' for money from me! I'd certainly try and help them and point them to here, plus trying to help them all I could...and why not!

Yep, good question, but lots to be considered.

Sue.

frannyann

Hi
Can only add my experience (excuse the spelling, am v.v. tired!!) I met OH when he was in severe debt, but because he had "head in the sand" approach to it, was not facing it. As I was the "detached" one, after a few months of being together I offered to draw up a budget plan and we would work together to sort it out. I worked out what he had coming in and what was going out, and gave him a fixed weekly "spend" which took a little off his overdraft each month. It took a couple of years but he is such a good MSE'er now he has a better bank balance than me!!

bathgatebuyer

I wouldn't have a problem being with someone in debt, and to be honest, it would be much harder not finding someone in debt these days but only if they were being positive about tacklling it. I really would struggle, however, if that person was a spendaholic and wasn't recognising the harm that they were potentially doing to themselves and the relationship. For me, I have struggled with money for one reason or another, and have forced myself to the top of that very dark deep hole I was in before. I'm now only £3000 away from clearing my debts. Two and a half years ago it stood at just over £34K!!!!

Getting out of debt has been so difficult, such hard work, that I don't think I could be with someone in that same situation unless they were actually tackling it. Emotionally, I don't think I could go through the strain of being frightened of the mail arriving, the phone ringing, knocks at the door, etc, etc.