Hoping for some constructive advice!! DESPERATELY!!

Panda1969

Hi everyone, my story is a long one so I will try to condense it for you, but please bear with me...

I am separated from my husband, and have been since April 2006. 3 years previously we had bought a house together (our first, despite us both being 35 at the time with 2 children). Throughout our entire 19 year relationship, finances had always been a problem and without wishing to bore you with the details of our split, my husband had a very strange habit of hiding anything to do with money - he would not allow me to see bills or statements, and would deliberately destroy them or hide them. He would also constantly overspend, cancel direct debits or not pay bills (and as I was often unaware of them, I couldn't do anything). This led to huge arguments and difficulties and the problem got worse after we moved into the house as it was very soon after his father's death. He was working from home (self-employed) but as I was going out to work, I didn't realise he was doing nothing, earning nothing and lying about it. We got in a huge mess. He had a breakdown, ended up in a psychiatric unit and meantime I was trying to hold it all together. Eventually the relationship broke down but by this time the damage was done...we were in arrears with the mortgage, he arranged a loan without my knowledge and things were spriralling out of control.

We did the sensible thing and put the house on the market in April 2006, but would you believe it is STILL on the market. We have had 2 sales fall through at the last minute (it is an old house and both times the purchasers solicitors have found some ancient legal issue that has "scared" the vendors). Our lender has now taken over the sale, and there is an offer on the table for £142,000.

This is £10K below our redemption figure. We also have an £11k loan secured on the property, and there are other, smaller debts - £3,000 we owe to Powergen, and some smaller amounts in Council Tax and stuff which I am trying to service at the moment. We are making NO payments whatsoever towards the mortgage and the arrears must be massive.

I should also add that we both moved out of the property, my husband straight after the split and myself last August when the purchasers we had at the time told us that they wanted to move in asap, and their solicitors told us that draft contracts were being arranged. I moved out into a rented property in readiness. The sale then fell through.

At that time, I was working part-time for an estate agency...our girls were spending their time equally with both of us, but the stress of trying to manage was enormous. Even with tax credits, some maintenence from their Dad and Child Benefit, along with £600 salary per month I was struggling. Then I got made redundant. I had been there 18 months and so they gave me 1 weeks notice and no pay.

I couldn't catch up. I am bright, and resourceful and I got a job within four weeks as a temporary part time legal clerk (something I used to do) but I never bridged that gap and at Christmas the situation collapsed. I realised I would have to work full-time, but in the meantime I couldn't manage my immediate costs. My girls were suffering with the stress I was under and I made the most difficult decision I have ever had to make. They went to live with their Dad (he has good income and works from home and seems to be stable now!) and friend of mine has rented me very cheaply their second home until I get on my feet. I managed to get myself a full time job with a salary of £16K.

So, to summarise (sorry that was so long):

Monthly income:

£1000 (16K gross per annum)
£114 tax credits

Total - £1114

Outgoings:

£140 maintainance for children
£150 in bills for house
£300 rent for house (very cheap but temporary)
£180 petrol (I travel some distance to work)
£150 food
£100 other bills such as car insurance etc

Total £1020

You can see, I have VERY little left at the end of the month.

The joint debt is likely to be in the region of £20K, so half of that will be mine.

I am looking at a second job and have asked for a pay rise, but there is no overnight fix. And I am STILL a mum, I have lost my children through all of this, but still need to make time to see them as often as possible.

If anyone has any advice please tell me. Should I write to my debtors now (even though the house isn't sold yet) and tell them that I don't stand a chance of being able to pay them off in a reasonable time. I haven't even got the fee needed for bankruptcy.

Please don't tell me I have been stupid or naive - I beat myself up often enough as it is.

Thanks for listening.

Panda1969

fermi

Hi.

Looks like things have just conspired against you, so don't beat yourself up too much.

Have you talked to any of the free/impartial debt advice agencies?

See: Non-profit Debt Counsellors' List (and the signatures of a lot of us).

You need to consult some of them before you can even consider bankruptcy.

Is the joint debt truly joint? Liability for credit cards only falls to the account holder, even when there are other card holders.

For debts that are truly joint, your ex would be fully liable for the whole of the debt if you went bankrupt under the principle of joint and several liability.

dodecanese

Hello Panda
You sound like youve had a bit of a rough time recently, dont beat yourself up over it.
Try giving CCCS/National Debtline a call in the morning- they both really helped me and will advise on your situation.
Also, keep posting/reading on here- no one will judge you and I found this site very useful when I was deciding whether or not to go bankrupt.
All the best.

scaredwitless32

Hi Panda, welcome to the boards!
Once you have contacted one of the debt help charities then we will be able to help you more once you know your situation.
Keep posting, it really does help to talk about your situation

lookingforhelp_2

Hi and welcome,
Hope things start to get easier for you. This site is wonderful.Everyone will help not judge.
Take care
Sarah

tigerfeet2006

Hi Panda and welcome to the board,

I can't add anything to the excellent advice the others have given but just want to send you some cyber (((hugs))) and say well done on taking steps to taking control of your life again.

Panda1969

Thank you!!

I just logged on before going to work and just the fact that I have had some nice replies has made me feel better!!

I will take your advice and definitely keep posting.

Bye for now

Panda1969

philnicandamy

Hiya panda..welcome
you've already had some excellent advice..I cant add anything else, keep posting your in safe hands here!

FeelingLow

hi Panda i cant add anything either but i just wanted to welcome you to the board

Panda1969

Thanks for the response guys and I will definitely contact one of the debt charities over the weekend to get some advice.

But in the meantime I have a couple of specific questions:

1. Can I go bankrupt BEFORE the former marital home is sold? To briefly explain so you don't have to read my long first post I am separated and we have massive arrears in rent on the mortgage, and it is also under offer for way under the redemption figure. There is a secured loan on the mortgage and other joint debts. The bank have taken over the sale so I have no idea what the score is as they won't talk to me now. But I do know I will not be able to honor that debt and half of the other joint debts me and ex have.

2. Further to above, if the debts are joint, can I declare bankruptcy if my ex chooses not to? He earns way more than me (almost double and might choose to pay his off - I don't know).

3. Do I/should I inform my boss of the situation? He might or a colleague might read it in the paper - is that an issue? I work for a web based private enterprise in administration.

4. I have a Halifax CardCash account (no overdraft just electron card) will I be able to keep it?

So many questions, thanks for reading!!

Panda1969 x

fiveyearplan

Panda, sorry to hear your troubles. You can go BR before your house is sold thats not a problem. Your ex will then be liaible for all the joint debt.

As for the Halifax account, they will close it. The only accounts available for BRs are Coop (that is the one I chose and it works well) and Barclays. Coop comes with an electron card whereas Barclays only has a cash card.

Keep asking if you have anything else on your mind.