Help required in putting BR behind me

AmIdone4?

fiveyearplan wrote: »

I meant that sometimes when we are in situations like that we only hear the things we want to hear and not the whole story. Totally agree

wherediditallgo wrote: »

If you think you were badly advised, then you might have a case to speak up about it. However, before you do so, I suggest you consider this:

• Laws may have changed, as well as patterns of practice, in between the time you were advised (2006) & when you actually went BR (Nov 2007). Given such a long gap between the two events, the onus really was on you to get up-to-date advice rather than assume things hadn’t changed. There was also nothing to stop you contacting more than one advisory service, or a different one from the original one, in 2006 or at any point after that. Slight confusion as I didn't explain I was with them all the way up to BR, but I hear your points.

• If the advice you’d got about the IPA had been the 3 years of payments instead of 1, would that have changed your decision to go BR? No, I probably wouldn't have! It was only £12,500, but even if I do get an IPA when I start working, it will be cheaper than if I hadn't gone BR...

• Lastly, when we’re under pressure, we do sometimes hear what we hope to hear. I know that I told a friend the Co-op was BR-friendly but that she had to tell them she was BR when she applied for the account. She rang for an account, but didn’t tell them her BR status, thinking they’d realise because she’d asked for a basic Cashminder account - she wanted the account, & all she heard was that they'd probably give to her, not that she had to supply certain info in order to get it. They didn’t automatically give it to her - her application got referred & it took a good 3 weeks to sort it out. I totally agree

If I were you, I wouldn’t be writing to them. With reference to my own case, I’d be thinking “1 year or 3 is still a darn sight better than the 13+ that I was looking at, & the much higher amounts I’d have been struggling to find for all that time.” You say you appreciated the support you got. In that case, as at least part of the problem may well have been down to you (not knowing dates, not updating your advice), I’d leave it at that & be grateful that I’ve come through the other side with their support & help. If you really want to write to them, tell them thanks for the support & help they gave you. Will do!, but I will mention IPA's (very nicely though).

Well 5YP & WDIAG,

You wouldn't believe how much thinking I've done on the points you both made yesterday, especially about "hearing what we want to hear". Thank You:):)

All that thinking has produced this...

I have been in debt ever since I started work at 16 (now 32!) sh*t... half a life time ago! Nothing serious, but always living beyond my means; borrowing money off family and friends; withdrawing a hundred pounds here and a hundred pounds there (on cc's) in my early to mid twenties when my millionaire weekend (first weekend of a monthly pay check:rolleyes:) was over; booking holidays but not saving for them, and then banging everything on the cc at the last minute... stuff like that...

I remember in 2001 I went through a stage of cashing cheques at work on a Monday, then a slightly larger one on a Wednesday (to cover the previous cheque and give me drinking money for Wed/Thurs night), then a slightly larger one on Friday (to cover Wednesdays cheque and give me money for the weekend) and of course tearing round to the bank (anxiety fuelled Formula one style) in my lunch breaks to put the money in the bank to cover the cheques! Then of course a nicely depleted pay check come Monday + rent + outgoings + consolidation loans x 2 = Spiral of Debt!!! What a Total F***ing Nightmare! (TFN add that to the ‘abbreviations list’:))

In between then and now I've been through a lot of pain, and without going into detail, things have been tough...

But the points made re: "maybe you were hearing what you wanted to hear" struck a chord on a general level, and got me very seriously thinking... I thought about it all night (a relaxed, but serious bit of introspection - something that a year or two ago would have probably been intense anxiety) and realised that because of the crap Id been through over the last few years, I had forgotten that it was actually me who had gotten myself into the debt in the first place! The 'roots' of my debt came back to me, up to now clouded by anger at anyone, be it the OR, the OR's assistant, my pre-br advisers... next doors cat... So a lot of my anger has dissipated overnight:T Therapy in action folks, I kid you not! I'm not being flippant or giving lip-service either, this forum has done and is doing the trick.;)

So I write this post (definitley a common theme today ie. 'This forum is excellent!'), in thanks to WDIAG and 5YP, tigerfeet the other week when I was feeling sorry for myself with the OR's office (you prob won't remember) , fermi (uber-knowledge), richard s, philnic&amy, madoldbat, DD, scarlett, broken hearted, dilap, toon dave, jono, rog2 and loads others, god those names came out of nowhere... dodecanese (i know that spelt wrong, so sad angel, got2change....I know I've still missed loads... Who have either directly or indirectly helped me

Anyway, if this post is confusing or you think I'm mad, don't worry, it's been great for me just writing it and I mean every word. Cheers All :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D better add lookingforhelp too.:D + BLTN, bald runner, GG , empty wallet + anyone else i've forgotten!

So_Sad_Angel

Hey AmIDone4

Great post & I understood every point you are making!! I agree that although we sometimes don`t want to hear it...we all make our own decisions in life & there comes a point of reckoning!! I`m there also at the mo...as recent posts of mine have shown.

Its tough for me at moment but I can only offer my support to you & agree therapy really does work!!! Strangely I was thinking today also that this forum has turned my thinking around & now I know that I can do this...there is always someone to ask & that has changed my outlook no end!! Even a week ago I did`nt know these guys existed & now I feel like I have a whole new circle of friends...that feels so good!!

Ps I`ve been in debt since I was 17 (when started work) & now early 40`s still there...having paid off one mtge & still in debt!!! kids , cars, renovating property etc,etc but I hold my hands up & admit I made the decisions...so its down to me to sort it & now I`m ready to do that...

Sorry to waffle but thankyou for helping me back ...knowing others are in same boat just helps so much.

Angelxxx

AmIdone4?

Hi So Sad:),

Yep, I think we're on the same page, lets just say I've experienced therapeutic environments before, and the support everybody gets on here reminds me of it so much sometimes.

It was only after you posted yesterday, from your openness, made me realise there was still a thing or two I was holding on to, in turn I started this thread, got some feedback, and that made me think (all last night) and then today I felt top-hole as I realised it was time to take responsibility for my past actions.... Brilliant. Realisations don't always come that easy, but it's nice when they do!

And I agree, this forum is v.v.good and just by seeing other people are in the same boat, helps a lot!:):)

Cheers

edit: well I say realisations come easy sometimes, you have to go through the crap first, so I suppose they're well earned!

wherediditallgo

Great last two posts, AmIdone4. One of the many things I've learned from sorting out my debts (not necessarily from going BR in particular) is that I'm not always in the wrong, but I'm not always in the right either, otherwise I'd be further forward in life than I actually am. It's hard to admit that some of the blame lies with us, not just the spending but life decisions related to them & even some not directly related to them, but I've found acknowledging that quite an awakening.

AmIdone4?

wherediditallgo wrote: »

Great last two posts, AmIdone4. One of the many things I've learned from sorting out my debts (not necessarily from going BR in particular) is that I'm not always in the wrong, but I'm not always in the right either, otherwise I'd be further forward in life than I actually am. It's hard to admit that some of the blame lies with us, not just the spending but life decisions related to them & even some not directly related to them, but I've found acknowledging that quite an awakening.

Thanks and I agree, acknowledging that I am partly to blame has been an awakening:D. Took me a while to admit it though;)

Many thanks:)

edit; poor english!

So_Sad_Angel

Hi AmIDone4 & WDIAG

In many ways that realisation & acceptance of debt problems is a major part of the `moving on` process & is necessary to WANTING to solve our problems...

I`m not in the medical profession...(I`d make a cr*p carer) but I am understaning more issues on my journey here than just debt remedy...alot is about wellbeing as well.

Angelxxx

AmIdone4?

I like it So Sad;). Don't empower me/us any more though, I won't get to sleep:dance:

fiveyearplan

Fantastic post AID4. I won't say anymore in case you can't sleep tonight! Except (sorry, couldn't keep quiet!) all this has made me think about what is really important and it certainly isn't debt!

AmIdone4?

Cheers 5YP ,

I hadn't even noticed this thread until just now... busy tonight, doing all sorts of stuff... But, you're right 5YP, lot more important things in life... You should know today... Here's to new beginnings...:beer: