Son got beaten up

countrygal

Hi
My DS (16) is into rock music, plays in a band etc and has decided to grow his hair long, is very laid back about life, and generally doesn't look for trouble.
He went into our local town (rural country town) last night and was walking back from some shops (about 9pm) with a few mates when some 'chavs' who were very drunk or 'on something' approached them and started on my son because of his long hair, he told them to leave them alone and they kicked him to the floor, whereupon they kicked the sh*t out of him, and ripped his jeans.
When we got him home and I examined his injuries the most worrying thing is that these 'chavs' didn't just kick him it looks like the stamped on him, repeatedly.
He has very clear foot marks over his belly and all over his legs in the shape of shoes/boots.
He doesn't want to involve the police because he doesn't want to press charges as he feels nothing will happen. He knew of one of the chavs who attacked him and he is a nasty piece of work and I can understand not wanting to draw attention to himself as it's a small community.
I am so sad this has happened and we've obviously spoken to him about the risks of being out at night and that sadly because of his choice to grow his hair long he may be a target for this kind attention in the future. He says that if this happens again he will 'run for it'.
I have explained to him that it could have been so much worse.
Isn't it awful that youngsters can't go out to the shops in what is a very respectable area in a rural town without this happening.
Is there any other advice I should be giving him? (Apart from telling him to get a haircut - which he won't!)
Does he just have to accept that he will be a target because he has long(ish) hair?

withabix

You MUST report this to the Police.

It is extremely irresponsible not to.

VickyA_2

Your poor son. Is there CCTV in the town centre? I know you say that it's a small country town, but my brother was beaten up a couple of years ago in a small country town which luckily had cctv. My mum forced him to report it to the police and they were VERY good with him - and there was cctv evidence.

leoetal19

your poor son, i hate this sort of thing it just makes me feel sick
and its catch 22 isnt it-report it and they will want revenge-dont and they will think they can do it again-between a rock and a hard place
my eldest-now 22- was out with his gf when he was c18 and a group attacked him in our small town-called his name-he turned round and whack!! awful black eye. he didnt fight back cos he was alone with gf and dint want them turning on her-there was a gang of them
he knew the lad and ds worked part time in the local chippie so he waited for the lad to come in and when he asked for his order he couldnt look ds in the eye-even the black one-ds just said you dont seem quite so brave without your mates do you??? he didnt know where to look and mumbled apologies etc
ds didnt have long hair-tho i think if they have something to make em stand out it makes them more targetable somehow
ds never had anymore trouble from this lad or his mates but i hate my youngest-15-being out and am so glad when hes in
hope hes ok xxx

chuckles1066

leoetal19 wrote: »

your poor son, i hate this sort of thing it just makes me feel sick
and its catch 22 isnt it-report it and they will want revenge-dont and they will think they can do it again

Hmmm, that's why a lot of people these days prefer to mete out their own brand of silent justice, usually after dark.

It's a sad reflection on society that such action is usually more effective than involving the Police.

countrygal

I have a good relationship with the local police (through my job) and agree that I should call them but my son was so distressed last night our main concern was to get him home and check him over.
He is adamant that he will not press charges as the one thug they recognised is a really nasty piece of work who has lots of other 'friends' and it's a small community so my son won't be safe out again as there are more of 'them' than my son.
I'm not sure it's 'extemely irresponsible', we have to live in the real world and, it is unlikely this would ever get to court, and even if it did then nothing much would come of it, sadly the legal system does not do much in these situations.

setmefree

This is totally uncalled for, but not surprising in this day and age.a similar thing happened to a family friend, he wouldn't go to the police for fear of repucussions. however what he did do, was got a friend of a friend from another area to get a few of his big mates together and hire a new merc for the day.
these lads turned up at my friends house all innocent for a cup of tea, but on the way made sure that everyone saw them drive through the village, you would not believe the chinese rumours that followed, but those bullies have stayed well clear ever since.
I'm not saying it will work in your situation,but in a small village you will find that those pot heads get completely paranoid when outsiders turn up

aliasojo

I KNOW exactly how your son feels but if you dont involve the Police, all you are doing is hanging an 'easy target' label around his neck.

When this yob has a bored moment in the future, who is he going to aim for? Yes, the lad who he got some fun with the last time and didn't have any comeback over.

I agree it's a difficult situation. I too live in a small rural place and I understand the problem. On balance though, I think not doing anything would be worse than doing something.

When my son was the same age, he had some problems with lads from the next small town. He never let on as he knew I would 'make a fuss' and he tried to deal with it himself. All that happened was the yobs targetted him constantly because they knew they could.

One night, 3 of them turned up at 3am when we were all in bed. They threw stones at my son's window to wake him up. I dont think they wanted to actually do anything other than intimidate him but I was furious and phoned the Police (son didn't want me too).

Police visited the boys homes at 4am , they said if the lads could visit at that time, so could they, lol.

Anyway, upshot was that son got threats shouted to him from time to time immediately afterwards but they never came near or lifted a finger to him again and they soon got bored of the shouting.

I am certain that if we had done nothing, things would just have continued to be bad for him.

(He's now almost 19 and 6' tall and thankfully doesn't feel intimidated by anyone anymore so I worry less when he's out.)

Good luck with this, it's not a pleasant situation to be in for you or your son.

aliasojo

Alternatively, follow setmefree's suggestion. I Liked that! Make sure they wear hoodies and lots of bling.

ailuro2

What if the thug had a knife with him, or what if he had stamped on your son's neck?

Your thoughts today would be very different.


What if these thugs have done this kind of thing before- what would you think of the family who didn't go to the police and take a potential killer off of the streets, but left the situation to escalate?

Please please call in some favours from the police to come and have an unofficial word with your son. Take pictures or a video of his bruises.The police might be able to reassure him this piece of scum will be taken off the streets.

Get your son to some self defence classes to give him a few ideas on what to do if he can't escape.
Get him a 'kubotan' and give him some ideas on how to use it.
http://www.themartialist.com/0503/pocketsticks.htm

countrygal

DS is too stressed to discuss it any further at the moment - he just wants to put it behind him and is adamant that even if I call the police he won't press charges.
I will call the police when I get back to work on Tuesday (where I have access to the mobile number of the local bobby).
I have explained it to DS that he has a responsibility to make sure this person doesn't do it to someone else but he is too traumatised to deal with anything else at the moment.
I will speak to him later if he calms down enough. He is very scared and doesn't know what to do for the best.
I am torn as I know what he should do, but agree with him in some respects that it could make things worse.