Secret Debts!

Too-Sad-To-Cry

Hi Everyone,

I've been looking at this site for a while and have just plucked up the courage to ask for your help......

I am 23, married with a lovely little boy - we've always had money problems in our marriage, not least that we're still paying off our wedding of over 3 years ago!!! But I thought that we were kinda dealing with them - I mean money has never been readily at hand but we haven't been on the breadline. Until now.

My darling husband came to me last week and told me that he has run up twenty thousand pounds of gambling debts that I didn't know about. I didn't even know gambing was an issue. As well as feeling like my world has fallen around my ears and i'll never trust him again - we also now have 20 thousand added to our already massive debt.

Before he told me about his 'extras' our debt stood at a £30k secured loan (over 25 years), and credit cards mounting up to £25k. All on 0% but still crippling us. But now with his extra loans and credit cards (he was using the credit cards to pay the loan repayments - a total mess!) we have a massive amount of debt and I can't help but feel totally overwhelmed by it all!

Parents have taken out a £25k loan on our behalf to consolodate the credit cards and cut our payments but its still scary.

Our bank have been worse than useless, not helping at all just threatening to cut our overdraft. Am worried about that too as we live in it every month.
We've never ever missed a payment on anything but I don't know whether that is a good thing or not at the moment. All I know is that we can't afford to buy new shoes for our baby son!

Not only am I asking you all for advise on how I can get us out of this hole, but I am also asking if there are any other wives or partners out there who are in/or have been in a similar situation to me?? I feel so alone. All my husband does is tell me how sorry he is and he doesn't have a plan how to get us out of this either - doesn't really help. Feel like a very old woman before my time!!!

Please help, I am very very desparate x x

mrsclecoco_2

Hi just to say welcome, i'm no expert pretty new here myself but there is loads of lovely people giving good advice.
well done for posting, keep it up. I know everyone will ask you to put up a SOA theres a sticky at the top. This gives them the info they need to start helping you
xx

beanielou

Just wanted to say hi & well done on posting.
The experts will be along soon.
Take care.

leoetal19

welcome n huge hugs-the experts wil be along soon
but my advice would be too arrange to see someone from cccs-have a look online at thier tools and advice-they're a charity and their advice is free
also you need to post an soa-statement of affairs so people can advise you on your best course of action, where to cut, nip, tuck etc
as for hubby having secret debt-you see it on here all the time, and lots of people try to deal with it and still keep it secret from their other half-at least hes told you now-and as bad as it is at least you know
my advice is to point hubby in direction gamblers anonymous or something similar-if your tackling debt you dont want it getting worse
good luck sweetheart, there is always a way out n that lovley boy prob sleeping like an angel is worth more than every debt anytime xx

MissEyre

Hi there,

It's good that you haven't missed a payment, and also good that you have found this brilliant board-sit down with a cup of tea and see if you can make a list of how much you having coming in each month, and what your outgoings are-this is your SOA, or Statement of Affairs, and the more detail you can give, the better (interest rates on loans, credit cards etc). There is a sticky at the top of the Debt Free Wanabee board which says something like 'For Newbies' which gives lots more information for you, and a template for your SOA.

Other than your wedding, what has the money been spent on? Is it anything you can sell, like a car, or bits and pieces here and there?

I know it's scary, but you can get this sorted out xxx

chappers

Really sorry to hear that. gambling debt is probably one of the worst to deal with as you need to be sure that it isn't going to happen again.
It's down to you two how you sort the problem out. but with regards to your debt you really should get in contact with someone like CCCS, at least you do seem to have a fair bit of spare income as you have been keeping up on your payments.
Maybe entering into a DMP might be a good thing for you as it will probably freeze interest, allow you to make payments that are having a sensible effect on your debt and more importantly prevent your husband having access to credit.
good luck you can come through this ok

suzialwaysbroke

Just wanted to say good luck with getting thru all this. What a horrible thing to happen to you. Did your husband gamble online or at the bookies? There have been loads of posts on here from gamblers & their partners, so I'm sure you will get masses of support & ideas to help you & your OH through this

Love Suzi xx

Cleosmum

Hi lots of support and advice here

Keeping_Motivated

Hi after contacting CCCS or the like I would the be making sure that you got your husband to read this thread and be an ACTIVE part of anything you do debt wise from this moment on. Don't deal with this alone he also needs to be on board and as clued up with any future money plans as you are.
Then I would look into barring gambling sites from your PC and his mobile phone and also ask him to agree to get some kind of help for the gambling.
If he says he doesn't have a problem with gambling then he is deluded because £20,000 is a problem.

I wish you loads of luck and the only other thing I can add at the moment is to say you have come to the right place for advice on this. The people on here are not only knowledgeable the are genuinely caring so keep posting and ask anything you are unsure of.

Mrs_Weasley

i agree with km he needs to read this..... i was the 'secret gambler' but no where near to the tune of 20k mine was spending money we needed for other important things!!!!!! If your lucky he will be come addicted to this site instead!

i wish luck and will be keeping an eye on your posts to see how your doing.

sorry can't offer much help but someone will be along shortly who can.

love and hugs bess xxx

southernscouser

Firstly your OH needs to get help for his gambling addiction. Go to http://www.gamcare.org.uk/ as a starting point.

Then secondly you need to talk to the CCCS. They are a registered charity and are qualified to advise you better than any of us on here. http://www.cccs.co.uk/

Good luck.