When to tell a (potential) new employer your wife is pregnant?!

stargirl73

My husband has been my carer for the past 5 years, hence not working.

Our situation has turned around and we are both able to make a move back into the workplace:D

I've been off work sick for about 3 and a half years - but have retained my position within the NHS for that time - so I have a job to go back to as soon as the logistics are sorted. But that's another story......

As you might imagine, finances have been tight over the years and getting back to work has been a priority for us both.

DH had an interview a couple of weeks back in his old industry (engineering) and it seemed to go well for him and has a second interview next week. At the first interview, he was asked about me and likelihood of recurrence of my illness. I think he answered the question fully and tactfully, whilst maintaining my confidentiality.

And herein lies the problem.....

I am actually pregnant, due end of May.

If he's offered this job - which looks hopeful, he would like to take some time off around the birth. Now we know he won't be entitled to any statutory paternity pay or anything like that. But how and when should he inform them that I'm pregnant? Does he have any obligation to tell them of the situation? Is it better to get into the job and then tell them? He wants to be upfront and honest with them - but he also wants the job and doesn't want anything to jeopardise this opportunity.

I know many of the answers to these questions will be dependant on the kind of employer the company is - that is something we don't know yet.

Usually employers ask if you have any upcoming holiday commitments - he can't give them a definite date because babies come when they are ready generally so it is a bit of a moveable feast in that respect.

He may not be entitled to any holiday as he will only have been in the position a couple of months at the most - so what he's really wanting to know is might he be allowed to take a week or two unpaid leave around the time of the birth? Again - probably an unanswerable question.

Or should he, as I have suggested but know it's a bit mean, forego spending any time with his new offspring, for the greater good of one of us having paid employment? There will be plenty of time in the future to be dad and I sometimes wonder whether those two weeks paternity leave are much use to anyone?

I would appreciate anyone's advice or experience in this area as we really don't know what the "best thing" to do is.

Thanks in advance

Zazen999

googled paternity leave and this was the first page - from the gvt website.

Are you entitled to paid statutory paternity leave?
To qualify for paternity pay and leave you must be an ‘employee’. If you are a ‘worker’ you will not qualify for leave but may qualify for pay. If you are unsure if you are a ‘worker’ or an ‘employee’ read the article below.
Are you a 'worker', 'employee' or 'self-employed'?
You can take statutory paternity leave if you:
are an employee, with a contract of employment (most agency workers and sub contractors don't have the right to paid paternity leave) and
are the biological father of the child, or are the mother's husband or partner (including a mother's partner in a same-sex relationship) and
have been with your employer for at least 26 weeks by the end of the 15th week before the beginning of the week when the baby's due and
will be fully involved in the child's upbringing and are taking the time off to support the mother or care for the baby.
and this leave is paid if you:
earn at least the lower earnings limit (LEL) for National Insurance contributions.
If you earn less than the LEL, (currently £87 a week), you have the right to unpaid paternity leave if you meet the other conditions, and could get Income Support while on paternity leave.

If the timescales don't allow paternity leave, then it is up to him to negotiate taking his leave or some unpaid leave when he is in the post.


Hope that helps.

Savvy_Sue

While I can see that you were the reason he hasn't been in employment for the last few years, I'm not sure they should have been asking about your health at an interview, any more than they should ask a woman about her plans to start a family or her childcare arrangements. If someone has been out of the workplace for family reasons, and is now returning to it, then I think that a good employer will assume some thought has been given to family arrangements before taking that step.

I would wait until he's started and see what they're like. There is a risk that they'll say "You should have told us your wife was pregnant at interview" and find some reason to sack him if he asks for unpaid leave, but if they are that kind of company and he tells them at interview they may not employ him. And if they are that kind of company, they'll be a nightmare.

Good luck to both of you.

stargirl73

Thanks for that Sue. We also felt they shouldn't have asked about our situation but on the other hand felt that some degree of honesty was required if they asked the question. We spent a lot of time debating possible responses - ranging from telling them it was none of their business (which it isn't) to being fully honest.

My condition was a mental one which carries with it it's own set of problems and prejudices. In some ways it would have been easier if I'd had a physical problem and he could have said that I'm now cured! I think I'm cured of my depression - but I have been warned I'll have a propensity to relapse in the future, but I don't want to think about that - I guess no-one wants to live in fear of any condition recurring, you've just got to go out and make the best of the here and now don't you?

DH expected the question to be asked - engineering is an industry not known for its pink and fluffiness, and while it is none of their business, could have taken offence if he'd said that to them. They seemed happy with his answer anyway - and he didn't feel as though they had pushed it too far.

My inclination is to do as you have suggested - but DH is just too honest for his own good! He would hate to feel as though he's misled anyone in anyway, fearing that could be grounds for unpleasantness in the future.

Thanks again for your reply

narabanekeater

My hubby started a new job while I was pregnant
He was honest with them in the interview and he had a week unpaid with me
There were no bad feeling and everyone wanted to see pictures of them and everyone always asks about our baby
Indeed now Ive read his contract of emplyment its in there that unpaid leave can be took by everyone in such circumstance like wife going into labour, child gets took to hospital
If by law your entitled to be paid for that time (which hubby wasnt) payment shall be made

stargirl73

narabanekeater wrote: »

My hubby started a new job while I was pregnant
He was honest with them in the interview and he had a week unpaid with me
There were no bad feeling and everyone wanted to see pictures of them and everyone always asks about our baby
Indeed now Ive read his contract of emplyment its in there that unpaid leave can be took by everyone in such circumstance like wife going into labour, child gets took to hospital
If by law your entitled to be paid for that time (which hubby wasnt) payment shall be made

Thanks for your reply. That's good to know! Hope his hopefully-to-be-soon employer is as decent. But it's comforting to know that such employers exist. Thanks

Zazen999

Hi
Upon further reflection, I would take the notion not to come forward with any info but to answer honestly whatever question is asked.

Are you planning to take any leave this year 'yes, a week or so at the end of May, unpaid if necessary'.

That's enough for now; if you cannot 'not employ' someone due to them being pregnant, then you sure as hell can't 'not employ' someone because their partner is pregnant; otherwise no parents would ever work.

Just answer the question if asked, he will know what sot of employer they are if he gets the job as time goes on.

I hope he gets it and all goes well.

jobbingmusician

You don't need to tell your employer of the pregnancy at any point, really! You have various scenarios in front of you if you DON'T want to mention pregnancy.

1. The employer will honour any pre-booked leave. This is actually what happens at the start of any new jobs, so you could just book a week (or even 2 weeks') leave around the planned birthdate.

2. The employer will be open to unpaid leave.

3. The employer won't be open to either of the above suggestions. Now, if you turn this option around and look at it positively, you have a husband in a new job earning £x a week which you HAVEN'T given up in order for him to take unpaid leave. Could you use this money to buy you some help in the first few weeks of birth?

Another thing to consider. Although your husband won't be entitled to paternity leave because he won't have been in the job long enough, if anything goes 'wrong' (God forbid, but it's important you know your options) he should be entitled to dependant's leave. DL is to cope with unexpected emergencies, and I would have thought that it would be an unexpected emergency if you went into labour at an unexpected time, and he had booked a decent amount of leave to cover the expected time, IYSWIM. There is no obligation on the employer to pay for DL, they just have to give it to you.

more info at http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Employment/Employees/WorkAndFamilies/DG_10026555

Hope this helps!

stargirl73

jobbingmusician wrote: »

You don't need to tell your employer of the pregnancy at any point, really! You have various scenarios in front of you if you DON'T want to mention pregnancy.

1. The employer will honour any pre-booked leave. This is actually what happens at the start of any new jobs, so you could just book a week (or even 2 weeks') leave around the planned birthdate.

2. The employer will be open to unpaid leave.

3. The employer won't be open to either of the above suggestions. Now, if you turn this option around and look at it positively, you have a husband in a new job earning £x a week which you HAVEN'T given up in order for him to take unpaid leave. Could you use this money to buy you some help in the first few weeks of birth?

Another thing to consider. Although your husband won't be entitled to paternity leave because he won't have been in the job long enough, if anything goes 'wrong' (God forbid, but it's important you know your options) he should be entitled to dependant's leave. DL is to cope with unexpected emergencies, and I would have thought that it would be an unexpected emergency if you went into labour at an unexpected time, and he had booked a decent amount of leave to cover the expected time, IYSWIM. There is no obligation on the employer to pay for DL, they just have to give it to you.

more info at http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Employment/Employees/WorkAndFamilies/DG_10026555

Hope this helps!

That is very helpful INDEED! Didn't know about dependant's leave - so that's very useful.

Thanks very muchly