Innocent Victim of hidden debt

Bargainfinder_3

Hi
I have been married for nearly 2 years, to a guy who I respected highly, especially as he was in control of his money and we worked together to live a managable lifestyle. I have always spent money when I don't have it, a bad idea I know! However, never more than £300 at a time, on something like a holiday, a television etc, and I have always paid it back from my wages within 3 - 4 months of borrowing. I have 1 credit card, which I use for emergencies, a £200 overdraft and an Argos card.
I was under the impression my husband was slightly more in debt than I was, about £1500 in his overdraft. We made the decision to renovate our bathroom, which cost us £2000 that we didn't have. I had never spent that amount of money before, however over the last 11 months, I have been paying into his account, £100 a month to pay off the credit card. By my calculations it should now be about £1000.

Yesterday I opened a statement from that Credit card, and found it had a balance of £3000. When I confronted my husband, I found he not only had this credit card, but two others, one a balance of £5500 and another with a balance of £1300, and a loan of £75000+high interest.

I feel like my life has fallen apart in some ways. Although I have a theoretical knowledge of how to deal with debt, I have never thought I would have to apply it to my life. Although it is his debt, we own our flat jointly, and as his spending has spiralled out of control, it is my life that would have been affected had he failed to pay the mortgage, the electric.

I'm not sure this post is even in the right place - but I would like to ask for 2 things.
1) A board for those who are innocent victims. Has your partner lumbered you with their debt? Do you need to talk about how it made you feel? Do you want to give the relationship a chance, but need practical advice and support as to how to support someone in debt without shouldering the responsibility?
2) A point of view from those of you out there who hid your debt from your partner. Why? When did it start? Are there good reasons for hiding something of this magnitude?

I cant be judgemental of anyone who is in debt, because I know how easy it is to spiral out of control. However to find it under my own roof has shocked and upset me, and I would love to know if there are any others out there who have been through the same thing and come through it.

Thanks

lostindebt

Bargainfinder wrote: »

Hi
I have been married for nearly 2 years, to a guy who I respected highly, especially as he was in control of his money and we worked together to live a managable lifestyle. I have always spent money when I don't have it, a bad idea I know! However, never more than £300 at a time, on something like a holiday, a television etc, and I have always paid it back from my wages within 3 - 4 months of borrowing. I have 1 credit card, which I use for emergencies, a £200 overdraft and an Argos card.
I was under the impression my husband was slightly more in debt than I was, about £1500 in his overdraft. We made the decision to renovate our bathroom, which cost us £2000 that we didn't have. I had never spent that amount of money before, however over the last 11 months, I have been paying into his account, £100 a month to pay off the credit card. By my calculations it should now be about £1000.

Yesterday I opened a statement from that Credit card, and found it had a balance of £3000. When I confronted my husband, I found he not only had this credit card, but two others, one a balance of £5500 and another with a balance of £1300, and a loan of £75000+high interest.

I feel like my life has fallen apart in some ways. Although I have a theoretical knowledge of how to deal with debt, I have never thought I would have to apply it to my life. Although it is his debt, we own our flat jointly, and as his spending has spiralled out of control, it is my life that would have been affected had he failed to pay the mortgage, the electric.

I'm not sure this post is even in the right place - but I would like to ask for 2 things.
1) A board for those who are innocent victims. Has your partner lumbered you with their debt? Do you need to talk about how it made you feel? Do you want to give the relationship a chance, but need practical advice and support as to how to support someone in debt without shouldering the responsibility?
2) A point of view from those of you out there who hid your debt from your partner. Why? When did it start? Are there good reasons for hiding something of this magnitude?

I cant be judgemental of anyone who is in debt, because I know how easy it is to spiral out of control. However to find it under my own roof has shocked and upset me, and I would love to know if there are any others out there who have been through the same thing and come through it.

Thanks

Hi, you'll be better off posting this in the debt free section, a few up. Lots of excellent people on there to help you.

Incidentally, I am in an awful lot of debt, around £30,000 but i have always been honest with my other half and we are working through it together, its tough, but if you work together it gets easier.