Hitting A Dead End

kezzy100

Before I post this I should make it clear that I'm posting using an alias as I'm desperate for help but don't want to make this persons situation worse as my username is one I use on a lot of forums and it's not hard to work out for those who know me as some people do on here - who I'm talking about.

I'm absolutely terrified for my friend. She's going through a real rough patch and seemingly refuses to help herself at times with looking for other solutions which I understand isn't easy but I'm at a loss for how I can help motivate her to get more help.

I've tried to get her to post on here herself and she's adamant that there's nothing more she can do other than be in touch with the debt management agencies (I think it's just the CAB she's going through) and the local housing agency (I'm not sure just what/who as I don't live in the same town as her).

I'm just an internet friend as it were, but we've been friends since 03 and I'm very fond of her. We've been through a lot and she's been a support to me as I hope I have been for her - we share a lot of the same interests and a sense of humour and I always try and advise her as best as I can when she has a problem but this one has really left me stumped as I don't know the best ways to go ahead.

The only income she has is JSA and has debts to pay off even before buying her necessities. These completely swallow up everything she has and it's still not enough - I know before Christmas she was selling what she could to try and make some extra cash and it really wasn't helping.

On top of money worries, she's had a letter demanding £100 that she doesn't have by the end of the week otherwise she'd be taken to court. She moved out from home after a lot of problems and lived in a houseshare for a few months before she had to go home again due to losing the job she had. At the time it was just for a week or so but it's stretched into months and she's really not happy there, she keeps being made to feel like an imposter and is recieving plenty of emotional abuse and they make it clear that she's not especially welcome and is one bad day away from being thrown out.

It's becoming more unbearable for her and today she told me she was so close to just walking out and taking a full bottle of pills which has terrified me even further. I'd love to welcome her here but for my own reasons - health/living at home myself/finances (I have debts too but I'm managing to mostly cope with them for the time being) I really can't.

I've linked her today to loads of homeless type charities (Shelter, Crisis, Centrepoint, Crash) as well as this specific forum and I don't think she looked at them.

She does have a lot of problems personally - not least relationship wise as well as having a very addictive personality (She doesn't have a drug or alcohol problem, nor does she take them regularly but I do fear that it wouldn't be too long at all before she does take something bad or does something stupid.)

I'd love a little bit of more informed help of what I can offer to her. Thanks very much xxxx

Merlot

How much are her debts?, she couldn't get a DMP whilst she is on JSA, no surplus income left over.

Has she spoken to anyone regarding Bankruptcy, it may be an option.

I do think your friend may need to seek advice from a GP, if she is suffering from depression and it certainly sounds from your post that she is.

Sometimes as much as we love someone, we can't do anymore for them than we already done..you are being a great friend but don't get too bogged down by your friends troubles, you have pointed her in the right direction, its up to her if she stands still in the middle of the crossroad or moves forward.

Merlot.x.

kezzy100

Thank you very much for your kind reply.

She has spoken to her GP and has been offered AD's (which she has taken before) she really doesn't want to take them as they really zombify her and it's not a nice place to be in (though neither is how things are now)

I'm not sure how much her debts are, I assume they are a possibly no more than a couple of thousand pounds, and we're 23 so bankruptcy really does seem like a massively last resort (as I understand it's 7 years before you're officially clear? please forgive my ignorance, i've only read a few things about it on here so I don't fully understand).

I know she's been dragging her heels in seeking help for some time and I'm just so glad she's finally found somewhere in the CAB that she can go to for professional help and much more than I can give her.

And thank you again for your kind words, I'll be fine, I just worry about her (and everything :rolleyes:)

(I'm not entirely sure what's going on below me.... it seems to have posted four times but it says '#3' on all of them. Sorry if you see 4 replies)

Merlot

Get your friend back to the GP, the ADs may be the problem, they may need to tweak the medication a wee bit.

I think it is 6 years the bankruptcy stays on file, but your friend could be discharged after a year, there is no shame in declaring one self bankrupt, why not speak to the CAB or the National debtline and ask about the options open to your friend.

I do really wish your friend the best,
http://www.nationaldebtline.co.uk/england_wales/factsheet.php?page=01_bankruptcy

Take alook at this website, it just may help, and get your friend to call for advice from either the CAB or nationaldebtline.




Merlot.x.

amani_2

your friend could go on a DMP on JSA (if she has any surplus money). We started our DMP when we were on JSA.

kezzy100

Thanks guys

Amani, she doesn't really have any surplus money at all

Merlot - she's not on any at the moment, it's just what the doctor said as apparently there's a long waiting list for counselling and tablets will be a stop gap as it were.

Thank you so much for your advice, I'll pass the phone number on and talk to her about the possibility of bankruptcy and see what she says.

I knew I could rely on you guys for help xx

ETA: I've just seen that it costs around £300 to declare yourself bankrupt (though she wouldn't be liable for the court fees cos of her JSA)

Merlot

I know it cost money in the short term, but it could save your friend an awful lot of hassle in the long term, could she asked family to help her with the fees?

Cleosmum

Is she able to get a job? Might mean taking something shes really not keen on but she could see it as a stop gap to something she does want to do. Could she register with temping agencies maybe?

kezzy100

That's what she's trying for She's worked a couple of agencies and done some temping jobs and has her name down for a couple more. She's trying hard to get a full time one but they're sadly so hard to find

She's worked in a couple of pubs and has had to leave because of being messed around and is obviously not in any position to be messed around.

Merlot, you're a life saver thank you We're looking into bancruptcy. She confessed last night that the debts are between 6 & 7 grand.

(Land_of)_Maz

If your friend manages to get a job she will find that the whole cycle becomes less and she might be less depressed/stressed...... i know how difficult it is to get back on when you are off the work-wheel as it were. Especially if you haven't got a home sorted out etc.

You mustn't take this on too much yourself, i know this woman is a friend but you must look after yourself too. You'll be no help to her if you are only hanging on by your fingertips yourself.

Maz
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