What will happen to these debts?

ltm07

Hi,this thread isn't about our debts,but my Mum's. You guys are the only people i can turn to regarding this as apart from my OH, my brothers & their OH's no-one knows about her debts & apart from one brother who i confide in,the others don't know what's going on! Three or four years ago my Mum asked if she could have some of her post sent to ours as my Dad sometimes opens her post by mistake as they have the same initials. I wasn't happy about doing it but i agreed as my Dad would hit the roof if he ever found out about her debts. I knew that they were letters about her debts but didn't realise how bad the situation was. Basically i thought she was using our address as a care of address. At first i didn't open her letters but as time went on i felt more uneasy about the situation so i started to open the letters & told her so,as i wanted to know exactly what was coming through the door. I have fallen out with her in the past about the situation as nearly everyday we get letters & phonecalls from debt companies,but she is paying them a set amount each month & the letters & phonecalls are basically about trying to get her to pay more. The other day i was shocked to open a letter asking her to send in my wage details & any other adult who lived here as she had sent off an income & expenditure form saying that she lived here & was paying out large sums towards the mortgage & bills! There is no way that we will agree tothis & she said that she wouldn't expect us to. They sold their house a couple of years ago & downsized to a 1 bedroomed 50% equity share flat & have no mortgage so i thought great,she will be able to pay her debts off & there'll be no more hassle. Her debts at worst were around £19k so i reckon she still owes around £15k,probably more. We've worked out that at the amount she is paying she will be paying most debts off for the rest of her life. I don't blame her for getting into debt,as my Dad had to pack up work about 15 years ago with a bad back & they carried on life as though they were still on two wages. My Dad used to earn good money & give my Mum so much towards housekeeping money. Basically my Dad has always been good with money but my Mum worked out all the finances. We had a great upbringing as kids & always had holidays &days out & part of my Mum's debts probably stemmed from that aswell. Without sounding morbid & i hate to type this & i hope it's many,many years away but with my Mum using this address what will happen about her debts when she passes away? Please don't judge her or slag her off as she has been a brilliant Mum & has always been there for me in times of need. I just ned to sort this situation out.

ltm07

Anyone help? Thanks in Advance. I know it's a complex situation but will we be left with the debts?

savingforarainyday

I know you said your dad would go ballistic but, she should tell him. for your sake as well as her own, and although he hasn't been able to work because of his back, he still does bear some responsibility for the debt and he has left all the finances to her to sort out. This will alleviate some of the consequences for you, ie people ringing, letters etc. what happens if the bailiffs come round, its your furniture they will repossess, and your mum wouldn't want that to happen to you.

I am sure there are people here more qualified to give advice on how to handle these debts, but all i can say is take her to get professional advice, debt charities, citizens advice. i am sure people on here will have some much better ideas.

Don't let your mum get too depressed about her situation and reassure that she isn't alone. ((((Big hugs))) for you and your mum

chardonnay_2

i would say as it's your mum & (dads) debt she has to change her address back to where she lives. you shouldn't have to put up with the hassle. if you are with bt they will change your phone number for free if you tell them you are getting nuisance phone calls.

experts on here should be able to give your mum extra help, especially if you can supply her s.o.a statement of affairs, ie all their incomings and outgoings.

bryanb

I think it would be wise to get your mother to get advice (CAB etc) tell her creditors where she really lives, and of course TELL your father. Possibly write to the creditors yourself telling them the real situation

ltm07

I know what you're saying & this is what my brother & I have said,that she shuld come clean. She has never lived the high life & most of her debt has been spent on her old house,ironic really as she has had to sell it to have a better lifestyle. My Dad does spare alot of the responsibility & carried on going to the pub every night as he did when he was working & we used to drill it into my Mum that he shouldn't be doing this anymore as they would only be living on one wage. The thing is whilst my Dad was spending on booze,my Mum would be spending more & more on the house & say if my Mum bought a rug for £80,she would tell my Dad it cost £30. We have had the bailiffs around once,but OH was quick enough to tell them she was the babysitter & i dread to think what the situation would be like if i didn't open the letters. I had another talk with her last night & i think she knows that her creditors are starting to back her into a corner. I said why do my OH & I have to put up with this & she doesn't know what to do,as she is terrified of my Dad finding out. Like i say though,she really is a brilliant Mum & when she sold her house has lent one of my brother's & i thousands to help our debt situations. My brother & I are both paying her back so much a month & we are thinking of suggesting paying back her creditors instead of her. We could help her clear everything within about 5 years.

ltm07

chardonnay wrote: »

i would say as it's your mum & (dads) debt she has to change her address back to where she lives. you shouldn't have to put up with the hassle. if you are with bt they will change your phone number for free if you tell them you are getting nuisance phone calls.

experts on here should be able to give your mum extra help, especially if you can supply her s.o.a statement of affairs, ie all their incomings and outgoings.

Like i say i thought that she would clear all the debts when she sold the house. I can't really understand why she doesn't as at least then every penny that she earns will be her own apart from half the rent & bills. Hopefully for all our sakes the situation will soon come to an end,but i can't see it. She had another letter yesterday saying she could settle an account that she owes over £1800 on for £288. I asked her if she was going to pay it & she said no! I really can't understand that. Is it because she's afraid that the other creditors will find out & be onto her for everything else she owes?

chevalier

If they are offering such a low settlement figure then my guess is that she has had this debt a long time, and they just want to sort it out. So maybe she should settle this one
chev

ltm07

Thanks Chev. I agree & i think my brother & I will be having a chat with her about it. After all if one of my creditors gave me an offer like that i'd snap their hand off! Like i say i think that they are starting to back her into a corner,so will start to up the payments she makes. I can understand why she's so reluctant to pay the debts off as since selling the house this is the first time since my Dad had to give up work that she's had money in her pocket. However,i think she should realise,as the most of us DFW's do,that she borrowed it & should pay it back. Thanks for your replies & i'm off to bed now as up at 5 in the morning. I will be on tomorrow to keep you updated on the situation & if anyone else can offer any advice then please do. All the best to you all.

Bismarck

Hi, sorry to hear about what must be a tricky situation.

If I've missed the answer to this, I apologise:

"Her debts at worst were around £19k so i reckon she still owes around £15k,probably more." - this sounds worrying - it may be a lot worse and that's why she's had to deflect some attention to you. How much does she owe now?

You know that this has to go back to her - more so as you've got your own stuff to handle. Your Dad has to find out - it's just a question of how. What will he do when he is told? You can't keep this from him forever as it doesn't appear to show any signs of going away by itself.

It's only a matter of time before he gets the phone call or knock on the door and then ballistic will be an understatement.

good luck - not an easy one!

ltm07

Thanks Bismarck. From the letters that come to my house we reckon it totals around £15k, but have never added them all up to be honest,so i couldn't give you an exact figure. I will add each one up as they come through the door from now on to work out how long exactly it will take for her to pay each one off. My Dad would hit the roof,but he wouldn't hit her or anything like that & they seem closer now than they have been for years so i think he would help out after the initial shock, as they split the money that they made from the house 50/50. My Dad is responsible for some of the debt through ignorance but if my Mum hadn't lied to him about how much things cost & bought things without him knowing then things would have been much different as he would never have let her get into debt. I think one of the reasons behind her debts is because of a lack of communication between them. Just spoke to my other brother about what's happened & he can't believe it & says she is selfish to leave her debts at our door. I agree in a way but she isn't a selfish person in general. She just seems to think that she can let it all go over her head. She texted me this morning saying that she rang her creditor's that wanted the income & expenditure form have agreed to her paying £2 extra a month! I think i am going to have to have it out with her once & for all when the time is right. I wouldn't worry how many letters she had coming here or how many phone calls we get,but i do worry what will happen to the debts after she passes away. She is only 58 so obviously hopefully she will live for at least another 20 years but some of the debts will take over 30 years to pay off at the current rate. Would we have to pay them if the letters are still coming here?