Try not to be disheartened

karenf_2

Hi
I thought I would try and give a little help from my own experience to show that it can get better.

I am now divorced but in my former life (only divorced Oct 2007) we had debts of 52k. My ex would not look for work and didn't contribute hardly to the amily 'pot', that was all up to me.
My main concern was to keep the family home as that was the one thing that in better times we had both worked hard to provide for our sons. I also wanted to be sure that there was something left for them to inherit in the future.
The letters from the bank and credit card companies were the worst, closely followed by the utility companies. But by far the worst was the debt company from Scotland who were acting on behalf of a well know high street bank. They were calling early Sunday mornings (from 8am!), in the evenings and whilst I was at work even though i had asked them not to. It was relentless! I went to the CAB and worked away in disgust after the 'advisor' asked me 'how on earth did you manage to egt yourself in this state'!
The Credit Consumer Council were my saviours, I had a brilliant booklet from them with sample letters and the steps that could and couldn't be taken.
My first step was to stop using my bank account and have my wages paid into an old building society instant access account. This meant that i had full access to all of my earnings and they weren't being eaten up by the overdraft and I wasn't being charged every month.
I then sent letters to all of the creditors offering the minimum to be paid and asking for interest to be frozen as a starting point, using the formula given in the booklet. The formula worked out disposal income and shared it equally between all the creditors. Surprise surprise that the credit card companies that refused this offer! But I persevered and came to agreements with all of them.
Each month on the Saturday after I was paid I went to the building society with a list of payments to be made and had cheques made out to each one of them and sent them in the post that day. I can't tell you what a relief it was to know that I was managing it all for once. Where the interest wouldn't be frozen I took the decision to default so that they would be passed onto debt agencies, after all I had nothing to lose as my credit rating was totally shot anyway! The debt agencies were far more accomodating at freezing the interest and at least the small amounts being paid were eating away at the amount owed. I managed to clear some of the smaller debts this way and felt so good but also very ashamed and totally stressed at my exhusband's attitude not helping me.
After doing this for about 18months I realised that I needed more help to try and manage all the various payments and following advice contacted Payplan and set up payment agreements, this meant I had only 1 cheque to get each month and the amounts reduced. They had more clout than me and could better deal with those creditors (the one in Scotland still the worst!) who would still not freeze interest or agree a manageable payment figure.
This agreement stayed in place for about 12 months, during which time it was obvious that my marriage was totally over. I did a lot of reading about debt clearance and decided to ask each of the creditors what they would settle for in full and final settlement. This was a suggestion in my booklet. On average they agreed around the 70% mark this meant that I needed to find 35k. I was aware that they would still show on my credit rating but this was dreadful anyway and again, I had nothing to lose. Luckily there was a good deal of equity in the house so I convinced ex to release 35k to clear the debts, the building society was brilliant too.
What a massive relief when I sent all those cheques with the amount agreed clearing all the debt, meaning I only had the mortgage and normal bills to find! I had managed to do the mortgage each month by doing as much extra work as I could, sometimes doing 2 jons at once. I was an IT trainer, luckily working 9 til 10 on a shift pattern which meant I could work 9 til2 then go to the local college and work 4 til 9 teachng in the evenings and completing my Cert Ed to give me the qualifications to be a lecturer. Working at the college meant I got the qualifications paid for or I wouldn't have been able to afford to do it.
There were a number of very very tough months whilst my lovely home was sold and I bought my own house in a lovely part of the world. I went from a 4 bed detached to a 3 bed semi with no parking but i was happier than I had been for years!
I am still debt free apart from my 75k mortgage and embarking on a new relationship and have a great new job.My credit rating is still shot and no one will give me a 'normal' bank account, I have a cash minder account from the Co-op Bank and I manage my money very well now there is just me, although I do help my son out with his Uni accomodation and have been able to give my other son some money towards his wedding.
Ex walked away with a lot of money's worth of 'stuff' saying that it was his hobby, he also cashed in his pension whilst I was paying for the family house before it was sold and also paying my own or i would have lost it...this was my lowest point. But at least i was out of it and knew it wouldnt continue for ever, the selling of the old house was very stressful and was delayed meaning I was paying for 2 homes, at one point I had 36p in my purse, couldn't afford the fuel to drive to work (luckily i could work from hom) and only had a bag of pasta and a bottle of pesto in the cupboard. But it made a filling meal!

I would like to say it does get better, however bad it might seem at the time. Talk to your creditors, tell them how it is, ask for their help, get the wonderful booklet from the credit consumer council and above all.....keep positive and believe you have the control to get out of it. Keep the payments on the mortgage at all costs...!

Thanks for listening and GOOD LUCK!

floss2

Great to hear your positive experience Karen

Floss x

ilovecheese

I think postings like this are great, it gives hope to people who can not see the light at the end of the tunnel. Well done.

spendthrift66

Brilliant story! Thanks for sharing and good luck with the future!

MissEyre

Great reminder there about priority debts-glad it's working out for you, thanks for posting! x

karenf_2

Thanks for your good wishes. I have now managed to pay more on my mortgage than I should be and have reduced my capital by 7k. I still find myself thinking twice about buying something and really try not to sound like a skinflint all the time! It is so easy to lose everything and so very very difficult to keep it all, but it is possible! I had to learn to be really blinkered in my thinking and get used to buying something only if I had the money....but when you think about it..isn't this just what people had to years ago before the credit people got their claws into everyone.
I have a deep mistrust about anything now to do with credit and banks etc...
thanks again x