Lending money to friends & family

samsondog

di3004 wrote: »

Hello there

Oh I am so sorry to hear of this hunni, I really am, my heart and thoughts are with you and your family.

This is very bad indeed......I really don't know what to say but hope you don't mind me saying how brave you are writing this, after everything going on.

Thank you so much for posting this, and I am sure others will be more alert on these issues in the future.....after reading this, thank you so much.

Love Di.
XXXX

Dear Di,
thank you so much for your kind words. I'm not used to online forums, and came accross this one where so many people have lent money in good faith and have been let down.

Ok, we can just about stand the loss, and we would much rather have our dear son back with us because this is a los we can never get over.

But it just shows how ruthless some people who are meant to be relatives can be.

Thanks agaian Di xxx

samsondog

maz1964 wrote: »

yes i totally agree trust no one

i am so very sorry that you have had to endure this after the loss of your son

i do hope that some peace will come your way and that nice things happen to you in the future

my thoughts are with you

and let this be a warning to others, take care of yourself and your family and help others out with your Time and knowledge but NEVER with your money

take care all maz

Thank you Maz
You are really kind. I'm not used to online forums, and came accross this one where other people have also lent money in good faith and have never got it back.
We learned the hard way, and our biggest loss is our son, which we will never get over and we'd much rather have him back.

It just shows though, how your own relatives can be so ruthless. I just hope people will stop and think after reading my message, and do as you advise...give your time and knowledge....never your money. Thanks again for caring.

Woodyrocks

Welcome to the forum Samsondog,

The actions of your niece & her OH is despicable and even your sister in law. I am disgusted that people can just abuse the good nature of others so. We all live and learn but 9K is a huge blow on the learning curve. I would love to say hopeful words about you recouping the money back but unless you take them to court I doubt you will.

I am sorry about the loss of your son, no parent should have to bury a child and although your grief is yours and yours alone, you would imagine that people would be a lot more aware of your sensitive state and not take advantage of this as I believe your niece did.

maz1964

hey listen samsondog

anytime you want to chat we are all here

and yes online forums are fab, you learn a lot from others and sometimes your own quirky experiences in life do help others in a small way

i am having to deal with my debts that have spiralled because i helped someone who i honestly thought would lose their home, and yet 2 years on, another court hearing and yet another stay for her and her family, she says yes going to pay me back, pays a little but its my credit file gone up the river without a paddle not hers

i feel exhausted but i feel also empowered that i have to address my debts and half are hers but hey go, i need to look at everything to get my life in some kind of order now

so yes the forums are fab, im learning something new every day,keep positive but i do understand your pain , that you would of course have your son back and at the expense of the money,

again i reiterate come on here for a natter anytime dont forget us
much hugs and best wishes

maz
.

garthdp

I set up my business with a loan - quite a substantial amount- from a wealthy friend.However it was done on a business level with watertight agreements,a repayment schedule,interest rate etc drawn up by solicitors and a charge against the property and other assets I bought in favor of the lender should things have gone tits up.They did not and 8 yrs later he has been paid back in full we are still firm friends .I got my business up and running, he got an excellent return on his investment.
it can work lending to friends and family but it MUST be treated as a business,not a casual loan.If the lendee will not spend on getting a legal agreement in place then walk away.Lending to set up a business will always be risky but you can minimise your exposure to loss by protecting yourself in this way.

samsondog

Hello Everyone, it's such a comfort to read such kindness from you all in response to my contribution to this forum. Maz thanks again, Woodyrocks thanks you, and yes garth, we know now with hindsight, and appreciate exactly what you say. We have been very foolish, but we had just lost our son so we were not thinking straight, and as this is family.....we put our trust in them. We wouldn't have lent this amount to anyone else. I'm glad your own business has worked out so well and you have made a go of it, and repaid your very good friend in full plus interest.

reiselaender

Karma, even good or bad, will make its way to a person. These persons who conned you will surely meet theirs someday, and for sure it won't be a good karma. It's really disgusting how these people, after all the good treatment you've given them, will still have the guts to do bad things to you. I've also experienced something like this with some of my relatives.

david001

I don't think you can take any legal actions if you have nothing in written or any agreement. You have no proofs that you landed him money.

Warriorsith

Hello

I need some advice for the following situation please:

3 years back my OH was in financial trouble with a couple of companies, her Aunt stepped in w/o being asked and got a loan out to cover these debts, it totalled approx £3700. The Aunt said to repay £120 for 36 months, so repaying approx £4300. Last year my OH asked for a settle figure ( from July) and her Aunt said she couldn't get one as the loan provider Cahoot couldn't assist her. Well the loans due to finish next month and the Aunt has informed my OH that a total of £900 is outstanding and that the loan that she signed for is a Flexible loan with the rate ranging from 7% to 16.8%, the aunt states she didn't realise it was a flexy loan and even though Cahoots emailed her when the rates changed she thought nothing of it nor informed my OH. The aunt also states that as long a the minimum repayment of £50 or 2.5% of the total (I think) each month was paid in to the account Cahoots wouldn't have mind as that was the agreement. The aunt states that had if she'd informed my OH that the rate has gone up theres nothing my OH could've done...surely we could've increase the repayments? I and my OH have worked out that she owes around £200. The aunt has now said she'll get a solicitor involved, cancel the direct debt and any charges etc my OH can repay it. Also the aunt reckons that her Credit Status has been affected by this loan, which we can't work out why if payments have been made regulary for each month for the last 35 months.
The Aunt paid off the companies directly from her account and no money was placed in to my OH account. My OH has made payments straight in to the aunts current account and not the loan account.

My OH is going to ring the Citizerns Advice to see where she stands. I thought I'd see what you lot thought.

harryhound

Has auntie kept all the paperwork and is she prepared to produce it all?
If anyone was silly enough to get this spat into the legal arena, that is the first thing they would have to do.
Not knowing auntie's credit rating and income, I cannot really comment on the wisdom of the loan she took out.
If it is all above board and it all reconciles (ie none of the extra interest is the fault of auntie missing payments etc. ) then the two of you have a moral obligation to keep on paying until the debt is settled.
Is this a case of two foolish women playing the "this is doing my head in" card when faced by the small print of the loan agreement?
You will soon find out when you offer to play the honest broker and audit the whole sorry story "to see if lessons can be learned". You might get a negative "shoot the messenger" attitude from both women.
Remember "expectation is a far more powerful emotion than gratitude" that is why banks have to act like bar stewards. Auntie thinks she has done her niece a huge favour and probably says so. Niece feels trapped by a stupid (mendacious?) member of the older generation.
"You can choose your friends, but you are stuck with your family" so there is some patching up to be done. Next time stick with the bar stewards - there is not the emotional baggage involved.