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Don't know what to do to help?
skysky69
Posts: 436 Forumite
OK, this is such a long story that I hope I do not bore anyone to tears, but I don’t know how to help my friend for the best and what to advise him to do.
He met his currently girlfriend at our wedding. We had been friends with him for years and he is the nicest kindest man who would do anything for anyone. The girl he met up with at my wedding and starting seeing was my now new sister in law (so if anyone is lost, my OH’s sister hooked up with our close friend at the wedding!). She was living on her own with her 4 kids, 2 by one person and 2 by another. The relationship had broken down with her previous partner as when he came home from work one night early (he worked nights), she was caught with some bloke who she was having an affair with on the sofa. She was in the process of trying to financially sort everything out, she only worked part time and the father of the youngest two children paid for everything. In the end she struck a deal with him that if she kept the house, he would take the two youngest children and they would live with him. Effectively she managed to get the house and had hardly paid a penny towards it. The dad was pleased with the outcome though as she said his children were priceless.
When she started seeing our friend we were dubious but they seemed very loved up and happy so we left them to it. When our friend moved into the house she had lived with with her ex, a mortgage had to be taken out against the property to change the house into their name from the ex’s name. Our SIL had, with the two older children’s father, had a house repossessed and so it was decided that our friend would have the mortgage and the house put in his name. He had some savings and so put £20,000 down and everyone was happy.
Everything seemed hunky dorey for a while. Our friend worked all hours under the sun to pay for everything. SIL only put in about £200.00 a month to all the bills including food and eating out, everything else was paid for by our friend. Apparently earlier in the year last year, SIL became moody and started being nasty to our friend. He thought she was worried about money. She had told him that she had got herself into quite a lot of debt. By September time, it became clear that she had an enormous amount of debt. She had £10k on credit cards and had a secured debt against the house of £36k. She pleaded to our friend and together they decided that they would remortgage the house, taking out some of the equity and pay the debts off. They mortgaged up to 95%, she talked him into getting her name on the deeds and the mortgage as a few years had passed now since her repossession and so she had £46k of her debt paid off. The money came through in November.
About 3 weeks after she had paid everything off, (they hadn’t even paid a mortgage payment yet!), she decided to tell him that she didn’t love him anymore and she wanted to leave him. It has since become apparent that she has been having an affair with a man (we know this to have been going on since before the re-mortgage). She first of all said that she was going to move in with a friend of hers and then finally went and we found out that she was going to live with the bloke she had been having the affair with. After only a few days, he decided that it wasn’t what he wanted after all and kicked her out. She has since moved back in with our friend but is still seeing this bloke. She comes and goes when she pleases, is still only contributing £200.00 towards the bills. Her only daughter that remains at home is 18 and keeps coming and going at 2.30am. SIL sometimes just doesn’t come home, is out all the time partying, spending money and off all the time. The daughter has loads of mates round boys and girls, he is pretty sure that there is a boy in with the daughter and there are bodies sleeping all over the house and our poor friend just doesn’t know what to do. The mortgage company have told him they can’t take her name off the mortgage until May because they need 6 months payment history before they will do that. She is refusing to move out anyway. If they put the house up for sale, they have a £5,000 redemption penalty on the mortgage and with estate agents fees, that means they have negative equity by about £5,000. Our friend is going crazy as he feels he can’t get on with his life. He wants to kick her out but doesn’t know how he stands legally. I told him I think he has been defrauded out of thousands by a vindictive and malicious cow but we don’t have the proof to prove she knew she was ripping him off for thousands whilst shagging around (pardon my French).
I have told him that he should go to Citizens Advice but he doesn’t seem to have any ooompphhh in him. I sometimes just feel like shaking him and telling him to pull himself together and not to let her walk all over him. Because she now has her name on the mortgage we seem shafted. All he wants is for her to leave and he can afford the house on his own and start rebuilding his life. She can no way afford to stay in the house on her own so I don't think the option is there for him to leave in May and get his name off as I doubt they would do it for her (especially with her history).
She has already borrowed more money off those people who knock the door to collect the monthly payments and is talking of upgrading her car. I can see a whole new load of debt being registered against this poor man’s address and feel helpless as we don’t know what to do.
If anyone has any advice, I would really appreciate it. I feel so sorry for this nice guy who wouldn’t hurt a fly who has been walked all over. He really does not deserve to be treated like this. Sorry to post here, I really don't know what to advise him to do for the best
He met his currently girlfriend at our wedding. We had been friends with him for years and he is the nicest kindest man who would do anything for anyone. The girl he met up with at my wedding and starting seeing was my now new sister in law (so if anyone is lost, my OH’s sister hooked up with our close friend at the wedding!). She was living on her own with her 4 kids, 2 by one person and 2 by another. The relationship had broken down with her previous partner as when he came home from work one night early (he worked nights), she was caught with some bloke who she was having an affair with on the sofa. She was in the process of trying to financially sort everything out, she only worked part time and the father of the youngest two children paid for everything. In the end she struck a deal with him that if she kept the house, he would take the two youngest children and they would live with him. Effectively she managed to get the house and had hardly paid a penny towards it. The dad was pleased with the outcome though as she said his children were priceless.
When she started seeing our friend we were dubious but they seemed very loved up and happy so we left them to it. When our friend moved into the house she had lived with with her ex, a mortgage had to be taken out against the property to change the house into their name from the ex’s name. Our SIL had, with the two older children’s father, had a house repossessed and so it was decided that our friend would have the mortgage and the house put in his name. He had some savings and so put £20,000 down and everyone was happy.
Everything seemed hunky dorey for a while. Our friend worked all hours under the sun to pay for everything. SIL only put in about £200.00 a month to all the bills including food and eating out, everything else was paid for by our friend. Apparently earlier in the year last year, SIL became moody and started being nasty to our friend. He thought she was worried about money. She had told him that she had got herself into quite a lot of debt. By September time, it became clear that she had an enormous amount of debt. She had £10k on credit cards and had a secured debt against the house of £36k. She pleaded to our friend and together they decided that they would remortgage the house, taking out some of the equity and pay the debts off. They mortgaged up to 95%, she talked him into getting her name on the deeds and the mortgage as a few years had passed now since her repossession and so she had £46k of her debt paid off. The money came through in November.
About 3 weeks after she had paid everything off, (they hadn’t even paid a mortgage payment yet!), she decided to tell him that she didn’t love him anymore and she wanted to leave him. It has since become apparent that she has been having an affair with a man (we know this to have been going on since before the re-mortgage). She first of all said that she was going to move in with a friend of hers and then finally went and we found out that she was going to live with the bloke she had been having the affair with. After only a few days, he decided that it wasn’t what he wanted after all and kicked her out. She has since moved back in with our friend but is still seeing this bloke. She comes and goes when she pleases, is still only contributing £200.00 towards the bills. Her only daughter that remains at home is 18 and keeps coming and going at 2.30am. SIL sometimes just doesn’t come home, is out all the time partying, spending money and off all the time. The daughter has loads of mates round boys and girls, he is pretty sure that there is a boy in with the daughter and there are bodies sleeping all over the house and our poor friend just doesn’t know what to do. The mortgage company have told him they can’t take her name off the mortgage until May because they need 6 months payment history before they will do that. She is refusing to move out anyway. If they put the house up for sale, they have a £5,000 redemption penalty on the mortgage and with estate agents fees, that means they have negative equity by about £5,000. Our friend is going crazy as he feels he can’t get on with his life. He wants to kick her out but doesn’t know how he stands legally. I told him I think he has been defrauded out of thousands by a vindictive and malicious cow but we don’t have the proof to prove she knew she was ripping him off for thousands whilst shagging around (pardon my French).
I have told him that he should go to Citizens Advice but he doesn’t seem to have any ooompphhh in him. I sometimes just feel like shaking him and telling him to pull himself together and not to let her walk all over him. Because she now has her name on the mortgage we seem shafted. All he wants is for her to leave and he can afford the house on his own and start rebuilding his life. She can no way afford to stay in the house on her own so I don't think the option is there for him to leave in May and get his name off as I doubt they would do it for her (especially with her history).
She has already borrowed more money off those people who knock the door to collect the monthly payments and is talking of upgrading her car. I can see a whole new load of debt being registered against this poor man’s address and feel helpless as we don’t know what to do.
If anyone has any advice, I would really appreciate it. I feel so sorry for this nice guy who wouldn’t hurt a fly who has been walked all over. He really does not deserve to be treated like this. Sorry to post here, I really don't know what to advise him to do for the best
Official DFW Nerd Club - Member no. 607 - Proud To Be Dealing With My Debts :T
One day maybe I will be debt free
One day maybe I will be debt free
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Comments
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OK, this is such a long story that I hope I do not bore anyone to tears, but I don’t know how to help my friend for the best and what to advise him to do.
He met his currently girlfriend at our wedding. We had been friends with him for years and he is the nicest kindest man who would do anything for anyone. The girl he met up with at my wedding and starting seeing was my now new sister in law (so if anyone is lost, my OH’s sister hooked up with our close friend at the wedding!). She was living on her own with her 4 kids, 2 by one person and 2 by another. The relationship had broken down with her previous partner as when he came home from work one night early (he worked nights), she was caught with some bloke who she was having an affair with on the sofa. She was in the process of trying to financially sort everything out, she only worked part time and the father of the youngest two children paid for everything. In the end she struck a deal with him that if she kept the house, he would take the two youngest children and they would live with him. Effectively she managed to get the house and had hardly paid a penny towards it. The dad was pleased with the outcome though as she said his children were priceless.
When she started seeing our friend we were dubious but they seemed very loved up and happy so we left them to it. When our friend moved into the house she had lived with with her ex, a mortgage had to be taken out against the property to change the house into their name from the ex’s name. Our SIL had, with the two older children’s father, had a house repossessed and so it was decided that our friend would have the mortgage and the house put in his name. He had some savings and so put £20,000 down and everyone was happy.
Everything seemed hunky dorey for a while. Our friend worked all hours under the sun to pay for everything. SIL only put in about £200.00 a month to all the bills including food and eating out, everything else was paid for by our friend. Apparently earlier in the year last year, SIL became moody and started being nasty to our friend. He thought she was worried about money. She had told him that she had got herself into quite a lot of debt. By September time, it became clear that she had an enormous amount of debt. She had £10k on credit cards and had a secured debt against the house of £36k. She pleaded to our friend and together they decided that they would remortgage the house, taking out some of the equity and pay the debts off. They mortgaged up to 95%, she talked him into getting her name on the deeds and the mortgage as a few years had passed now since her repossession and so she had £46k of her debt paid off. The money came through in November.
About 3 weeks after she had paid everything off, (they hadn’t even paid a mortgage payment yet!), she decided to tell him that she didn’t love him anymore and she wanted to leave him. It has since become apparent that she has been having an affair with a man (we know this to have been going on since before the re-mortgage). She first of all said that she was going to move in with a friend of hers and then finally went and we found out that she was going to live with the bloke she had been having the affair with. After only a few days, he decided that it wasn’t what he wanted after all and kicked her out. She has since moved back in with our friend but is still seeing this bloke. She comes and goes when she pleases, is still only contributing £200.00 towards the bills. Her only daughter that remains at home is 18 and keeps coming and going at 2.30am. SIL sometimes just doesn’t come home, is out all the time partying, spending money and off all the time. The daughter has loads of mates round boys and girls, he is pretty sure that there is a boy in with the daughter and there are bodies sleeping all over the house and our poor friend just doesn’t know what to do. The mortgage company have told him they can’t take her name off the mortgage until May because they need 6 months payment history before they will do that. She is refusing to move out anyway. If they put the house up for sale, they have a £5,000 redemption penalty on the mortgage and with estate agents fees, that means they have negative equity by about £5,000. Our friend is going crazy as he feels he can’t get on with his life. He wants to kick her out but doesn’t know how he stands legally. I told him I think he has been defrauded out of thousands by a vindictive and malicious cow but we don’t have the proof to prove she knew she was ripping him off for thousands whilst shagging around (pardon my French).
I have told him that he should go to Citizens Advice but he doesn’t seem to have any ooompphhh in him. I sometimes just feel like shaking him and telling him to pull himself together and not to let her walk all over him. Because she now has her name on the mortgage we seem shafted. All he wants is for her to leave and he can afford the house on his own and start rebuilding his life. She can no way afford to stay in the house on her own so I don't think the option is there for him to leave in May and get his name off as I doubt they would do it for her (especially with her history).
She has already borrowed more money off those people who knock the door to collect the monthly payments and is talking of upgrading her car. I can see a whole new load of debt being registered against this poor man’s address and feel helpless as we don’t know what to do.
If anyone has any advice, I would really appreciate it. I feel so sorry for this nice guy who wouldn’t hurt a fly who has been walked all over. He really does not deserve to be treated like this. Sorry to post here, I really don't know what to advise him to do for the best
Wow, don't know what to say really.. your poor friend. I've said it in the past and I will say it again.. women can be evil. I am a woman and I would NEVER do this to anybody. Its disgraceful. I mean a woman who gives up her kids for a house is pretty damn low in my estimation, so why couldn't your friend see what she was like from that fine example?
Not sure what to say really. Personally I would wait for her and her older kids to be out the house, pack all their stuff up, put it outside and change the locks. Shame she let him talk him round to putting her name on the deeds because changing the locks is not allowed.
I hope somebody comes along soon and gives more constructive advice.0 -
Nasty indeed. He needs legal help pronto. I can't see that he's got any legal responsibility for her ( like a wife ) but the house needs sorting asap.
If he wants to sell and cut his losses - he'll need her agreement.
If he wants to stay, take her off the deeds, take her off the mortgage - how the hell does he get her and daughter out ? Legal advice big time.
Don't forget debts can be charged against a property ( legal process I know ) and you said SIL is taking on new debt. I know only against her equity but it just complicates even further.
He needs GOOD legal help now.
Edit : Skysky I know a bit about the law, but if this were me, I seriously wold be with the lawyers now. It's nasty and complicated.0 -
What a cow.
I have a mate, a lovely bloke also who's wife did a similar thing to him it nearly ruined him and it just isn't fair. I can't believe women can be like that. its beyond not fair.
I would get a solicitor involved, I would think until her name is off the mortgage he can't do much...still it would be good to find out for sure.
Once its may, change the locks and dump all their crap in the garden.
Please like other posters have siad get a solicitor - he would do that wouldn't he?
if not you do it on his behalf. good luck and please come back with what happens - i would really like to know the scummy tart got what was coming to her.
sorry if that sounds mean, but I hate my mate's ex, in the end it was easier to give her what she wanted. she an evil evil old witch. so I have some pent up anger there! just transfering it!Nevertheless she persisted.0 -
How did she manage to get a 36K debt secured against the house if it was all in his name? If that was fraudulent couldn't he get her charged? he also needs to be careful that more debt isn't secured against the house now she has her name on it0
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Oh god, that's terrible. It's women like her that gave the rest of us a bad name. I haven't got any advice other than what's already ben said above - he should get a solicitor and get one now!
Poor bloke, I hope he gets sorted out.
GOD BLESS DURAN DURAN
Official DFW Nerd Club - Member no 293 Proud to be dealing with my debtsMarch NSD 5/10 March Make £5 Day £99.28/£1550 -
A good point is to contact experian and equifax - and start to get what is called a notice of disassociation - this means in credit terms, your friend is not to be association financially with his ex-girlfriend - then the debt she gets herself into is hers and not his. My sister went through something similar and her ex-husband got my sister to pay for everything on her cards - he upt and left, leaving massive debts and the house being repossessed - so don't let your friend fall into that trap.'Proud To Be Dealing With My Debts' : Member number 632
Nerds rule! :cool:0 -
Similar happened to a friend of mine, it went on for years and he lost everything he had ever worked for. He felt so much better having atken legal advice and then had the strength to change things. He is now in a house (mortgaged) with his son and happy. Your friend def needs legal advice.
There are so many nasty grabbing women out there...........always makes me wonder why, when I am self sufficient and try my best to be a good/ nice person all the time, I am always alone and they are in relationships with these good guys?? Self pity over now!0 -
'I sometimes just feel like shaking him and telling him to pull himself together and not to let her walk all over him. Because she now has her name on the mortgage we seem shafted. '
Sounds awful to me, just wondered why the above comment?
Are you guys involved in the finances somehow?What's he building in there???
Debt at highest £30,450 (Dec 05)
Debt at lowest £9, 113 (Jul 07)
How much did we over spend whilst on maternity leave :mad:0 -
'I sometimes just feel like shaking him and telling him to pull himself together and not to let her walk all over him. Because she now has her name on the mortgage we seem shafted. '
Sounds awful to me, just wondered why the above comment?
Are you guys involved in the finances somehow?
No not financially associated, this guy was an usher at our wedding, has worked for my OH for years, his mom is quite old and he doesn't really have anyone else to turn to. For these reasons and because we are nice people and can't bear to see someone treated so badly, we (me and OH) are trying to help him as much as possible. Because the house is now in joint names though, we don't seem to have any options really :mad:, it just seems we are hoping the bloke she is still seeing wants her to move in as when she went very briefly, she said she would let him keep the house and all the contents in it and would walk away. From an outsiders point of view, this new bloke has now got his cake and is eating it because the affair is effectively still going on but he hasn't got the responsibility of her nagging him when they live together!Official DFW Nerd Club - Member no. 607 - Proud To Be Dealing With My Debts :T
One day maybe I will be debt free0 -
Hi sky,
Your friend is a better man than me because she would be under the patio by now, the !!!!!Sparky0107 - Sealed pot challenge member #002. Total for SPC3 £1,030.57 Total For SPC 4 £2247.00 Total for SPC 5 £2574.62 :T Total for SPC 6 £4552.91:T
:rotfl:LC2 & Jakes-Mum are off their heads :rotfl
:j DEBT FREE AS OF 20/01/2012 :j0
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