Brother-In-Law Outfit

Sam_Spends_Too_Much

My younger brother is getting married next year and has just been sorting out the male outfits. He said that only himself, my dad and his best man will be wearing 'wedding outfits' and that my husband should just be in a suit. I disagreed and said that I thought he should be in the same outfit as the main party as he is close family. Does anyone know what the correct ettiquette is?? We don't mind paying for the suit hire ourselves as I know wedding costs just run away.

Also, he wants my 4 children (3 girls, 1 boy) to be bridesmaids/page boy. I said that my son (who will be 9) is too old to be a Page. Would he not be the Usher?? Girls will be aged 11.5, 9 and 5.5 so the youngest would be a flower girl with the other 2 as bridesmaids??

Any help would be most appreciated, I trawl thro the net but can't seem to find the answers to questions I want

Mrs7ones

I hope you find the answer to your question, and I hope that unlike us, you are not going to be told what to wear/hire and be expected to pay for it yourselves!

bandraoi

If they don't want him in a wedding suit, then don't put him in a wedding suit.

Timmne

bandraoi wrote: »

If they don't want him in a wedding suit, then don't put him in a wedding suit.

Absolutely - it's their wedding and they seem to be acting quite reasonably.

It's not like they're making him wear one when he doesn't want to! I would feel quite sily personally wearing the same as the wedding party but being totally uninvolved!

I think you need to be grateful for your brother including your family and not give him the extra pressure of you trying to get your own way. Wedding planning's stressful enough without people making demands of you, just imagine what your brother's fiancee's feeling with her sister in law butting in all the time.

Sorry this is blunt but I'm getting married this year and am all too aware of people getting involved when they're not wanted.

paddingtondoo

We are getting married in August and OH best man and older son (who is giving me away) are wearing kilts the rest of the wedding party are wearing what they want to.

Younger son is 10 and is wearing a suit but he isn't being either page boy or usher as we aren't having any of either and he's at an age where he would feel really uncomfortable.

It's really up to your brother as to what he wants everyone to wear. Why do you think he should be wearing a hired outfit?

MsChazzer

There probably is some correct etiquette but it should really be what the bride and groom want (I may be the wrong person to advise here as we are not having matching suits and people can turn up in jeans and tshirts as far as I'm concerned!), maybe they are trying to save you the money of hiring a suit?

As for page boys, my 12 and 11 year old brothers asked if they can be mine, I thought they'd think that was a bit beneath them especially since they will be 13 and 12 by the time the wedding comes round, quite sweet of them to offer really. Maybe being an usher might be a bit much for a 9 year old? I suppose you know him better than anyone though.

floss2

Re your son, I would think that at 9, he's a little young to be an usher as he may not be aware of which family side someone is from or of any particular seating requirements - maybe he can hand out hymn books / orders of service?

I would go along with your brother's request that your husband wears a normal suit - after all, it is their wedding day, not your husband's.

I didn't force that issue when my brothers both got married, my then husband wore a new suit each time, as he wasn't part of either wedding party, despite me being their only sister.

Sam_Spends_Too_Much

I would consider my husband to be part of the main family group, at my wedding my dad, brother, best man and husband all wore the same morning dress with my husband wearing a different waist coat. I assumed that he would simply do the same, in my opinion its as good as saying that my husband isn't good enough to wear main party dress. I'm sorry if that offends everyone else that has answered, but he can't expect a 'family' wedding but when everyone wants to be involved, cut them short.

I honestly don't know why people have big weddings any more, the times I read through how everyone is upsetting everyone else - I'll hang my head on that one as well - it just doesn't seem worth the hassle. If I had my time round again, I'd be on a beach with the people that mattered.

paddingtondoo

I know I'm asking to be shot at here but as i understand it............

Using my own wedding as an example here.....
What you are saying is my brother should be in a kilt the same as the groom best man and DS who is giving me away even though he has no special responsibilities.

Does that also mean my future sister in law who I consider to be very close family should wear a bridesmaid dress?

If so where do you draw the line?

floss2

Sam_Spends_Too_Much wrote: »

.... at my wedding .....

but this not your wedding, it's your brother & his fiancee's wedding

Sam_Spends_Too_Much wrote: »

....I assumed .....

one should never take anything for granted - especially where weddings are concerned

I know you probably won't like what I say, but at the end of the day, it is not your decision. Your brother and his fiancee have made their choice and you should respect their wishes - just as he respected your wishes for him to wear the same suit as your dad, your husband & his best man at your wedding.

Just out of curiosity, does the bride have any brothers or brothers-in-law?

floss2

paddingtondoo wrote: »

I know I'm asking to be shot at here but as i understand it............

Using my own wedding as an example here.....
What you are saying is my brother should be in a kilt the same as the groom best man and DS who is giving me away even though he has no special responsibilities.

Following on from this, that would mean that I would have to provide the same outfit for DF's mum as my BM, and my DS's would both need kilts (hired or made), along with DF's best man and father & my BM's husband because DF will be wearing his kilt at our wedding. BM's hubby, Mum, Dad & the DS's will be guests, not taking a lead role.....I'm starting to be glad it's only a very small do!