Worried About Fiancee's Debt?

bestmumof3

Do you feel that your partner spends far too much?

Why, if you are the cautious one with money, do you not take full control of all the income, including benefits, and you work out a repayment with her brother.

Also you work out all the repayments for all the debt and just allocate your partner a set amount [a reasonable budget, which includes nappies] taking into account birthdays.

All these birthdays should be set out on a calendar so that you can budget for them. Very few family events actually take us by surprise. Engagements and baby presents do not need to be bought the second they occur:):)

You might actually be suprised with the actual outgoings, compared with the incomings, and therefore be slightly more sympathetic.

System

tallyhoh wrote: »

Hi,
I think the above post from Tine is good advice.

I am a bit puzzled though reading your remark about your partner being stuck in the benefit trap? Do you not claim benefits as a couple? Or do you allow her to keep all the money that you get.

I think if you put your SOA on here it might make things a bit clearer & people might understand & not judge so quickly.

Correct, My name is down but I never see any of the money, Oddly when we done this originally we got overpaid by £2k as she didn't put my name down, they found out and who has to pay it back

Already posted an SOA and there was nothing that could be done, But thanks anyway

grace

You sound really unhappy...but I think its something you need to talk over "calmly" with your girlfriend....you will need to find a budget that works for both of you....and more importantly stick to it....

carrottopsuk

I agree with Grace. You don't seem happy at all and seem to [STRIKE]resent[/STRIKE] disapprove what she is doing with the money.

Is she spending frivolously? If so, what is she spending the money on that you disagree with? Have you spoken to her about this?

Does she keep all the benefit because it is intended for the children ie child tax credits etc?

saffronflowers

I have checked through your posts to find your soa - the real problem with that is that is not a full break down of your income and expenditure - there is always something that can be done with an SOA!!

Your really do need to post a full SOA up that shows exactly where the monies go - after tax your income is not too bad, your rent is low in relation to your income.

When you have managed to do this everyone will be able to give you great pointers to help you out

SFx

deliciosa

I am quite shocked how everyone has jumped at his throat. People please be nice, and after all, think a little bit. If a couple live together, they should be paying for the accomodation jointly. Whether you call it "her paying half the rent" or her paying half the mortgage, or giving me £500 a month to cover costs - it all comes down to the same thing, why should we condemn it?? Nirelandguy came here for help and we jump at him saying to grow up? I'm sorry, but I think his girlfriend is the one that needs to grow up. It must have been very comfortable for her to have her OH pay for everything and not taking responsibility.Now the man who paid for her debt loyally so far, comes here and asks for advice because he can't do it anymore, and we all jump at his throat? It's her fault, and yet, HE is the one posting here, looking for advice, because he wants to help HER! (And them, and the kids, as a family).
Nirelandguy: I think you need to set up joint finances for joint expenditure, like home, food, kids, holidays etc, and you should both contribute to that. And if you have elftover, you should help her to pay back her debts, of course, but on the condition that she reviews her spending process, youc an do it together, and that she will also make an effort. You need to post a proper joint SOA and do it WITH HER!!!! Good luck!

floss2

Nirelandguy, please post a FULL SOA, so we can see where you may be able to save a little bit of cash. Read MSE Andrea's sticky for Newbies, and put everything down - all incomes & benefits, all outgoings, food, nappies, petrol, all debts & APR's & repayments.

I know you've said you have already done this, but I can't find it. We've all gone through similar situations to the one you are currently in, and we'd all like to apply our "learnt the hard way" experiences to help you.

Wildchild_2

I totally agree with deliciosa! Sounds like your OH has had a very easy life with you paying most of the bills and and HER debts. You need to stop this or you will get very frustrated.

The way it stands at the moment you work and earn and she spends and it doesn't even bother her that she owes money to her brother.

She needs a LBM as soon as possible so you can get the situation sorted out.

Best of luck and post a full SOA

GreyPilgrim

Everyone seems a bit aggressive today, don't they? I've only read three or four random threads and in each one it seems the OP's head has been bitten off.

Wassup?

Something in the water?

carrottopsuk

Bumping this for NIrelandguy, hopefully someone can help when you post your SOA.

Also, as I said before, I think Grace is right in that you need to chat to your girlfriend in at some point about the situation as you just don't seem happy at all.

Good luck!