Who's head is it????

Ellidee

Hi ginabling when I read your post this quotation came to mind :-
' A good friend is someone who expects no more than you can give and accepts you for who you are ' Anon

belfastgirl23

ginabling wrote: »

You see, the other bit to my long winded issues is that many many years ago, when we were all alot younger, one of the girls cheated with my boyfriend of 5 years. At the time (I am a big believer in trusting your instincts) I knew and I could feel/tell something had happened but two of my close friends said I was imagining things and shouldnt anaylze so much!!!!

To my shock (NOT!!) the truth was revealed many years later and yet no sign of an appology or the fact that this "Knowing" it had happened and being told that it was "me" "stop being stupid" actually made things worse, as now, it takes me great time to trust anyone, and I am concerned that this is whats happening again!! Hence why I asked if anyone could share any thoughts - because I didnt know if it was me anylizing or them just being out right - whats the words - Selfish? Nasty? Uncaring? Im not sure?

Any way, thank you for your thoughts, its great to hear other peoples views.

Thank you

I'd say you have to talk to them about this. Not so much the person who did the cheating - sorry to say she just isn't a friend, end of story - but the others. They might have ended up lying to save your feelings or because they were under pressure. I suppose I guess if they were proper friends they'd be happy to have a chance to apologise.

this has probably been hanging over you all for a long time, it's worth giving it an airing....

ginabling

Thanks again,
Your right, it has been brewing for a long time, you shouldnt dwell on thngs, but when trust and friends come in to the same conversation its hard not too!!! I think I shall be having a few words...

Thanks for your support, I appreciate it
xx

ginabling

she_grinch wrote: »

I don't think you are unreasonable just swamped with all that is expected of you. Try to delegate more jobs to your other half so freeing you time to other things. Do not feel guilty as sometimes women are expected to just be constantly flexible and I know how that feels as I work full time and am a mother/ housewife in my 'free time' lol

Thank you for advise and thoughts,

It is hard, yes, some days you feel like people do expect you to be bionic woman!!!

I do need to delegate more to the other half......

Thank you once again
xx

ginabling

morganb wrote: »

Sometimes our lives take us in different directions and to different 'stages' to those of our friends and we find that we no longer have things in common or mutual support from those we considered close. I hope that makes sense, I am v. tired after work today, but don't feel that you are selfish, it's just that life makes us all evolve in different ways, perhaps your friends who aren't juggling as much as you simply haven't moved along or evolved as much as you have and expect everything to be the same ... I'm lucky that I am able to work part-time, I sincerely do not know how anyone who is a parent works full-time without going mad (I mean both parents i suppose), I certainly haven't got the energy to juggle any more than I already do, but my resolution this year has been to keep in touch with friends and family more than I have done previously. Email is a godsend for me, I don't get on with texting, but I do try to plan in a day out once a month, which I plan in advance and try to double it up with meeting up with a friend, so that not only do I and the kids get a nice day out but we see our friends too. And they don't have to cost the earth, we're seeing some good friends in half-term and we're going on a treasure hunt at the local forest (and if it's chucking it down, I suppose it will be more of a bonding experience!!)

It does hack me off at times that I seem to always be the one organising things, but I do know that it's appreciated and it gives us all something to look forward to.

Can your mates come round for dinner, can you all 'bring a plate' and take it in turns to host once a month, that will give you some time out for yourself and also for you to forge ahead with your friendships ... just some things that I try to do that stop me going slowly mad at times!!! HTH!

Hi,

Thank you for your response, its nice to know there are others out there who can understand "The Juggling effect"!!! ha ha

I will suggest the meeting up once a month, but I think after I have a good think about what I would like from these "friends" know. After hearing different opinions about my post its kind of gave me a few suggestions and also gave me lots to think about too. My friends at work I have spoken to and they all think exactly the same - that they cant be real friends otherwise they would be a little more understanding, however, its nice to get some views from people who dont know you because you can get some real answers (your friends - real friends may say things that support your side as such, as they dont want to upset you) .

Its comforting though to know that sometimes your not the only one who's struggling with lifes tasks, questions, choices etc.

So, thank you so much for your support

xx

ginabling

conradmum wrote: »

Time to get some new friends I think.

True friends understand when you're under pressure.
True friends help you out if they can.
True friends don't whine if you can't fit in with their plans.

I've recently been seeing more of a friend who's been very distant for some years. I wasn't happy about it and didn't know why but I stayed in contact and didn't moan. I've known her since we were eleven. It turned out that her (now) ex was abusive and made her life so hard if she saw other people that she just gave up on her social life.

Real friends would be there for you. Your friends sound whiney and self-centred tbh.

Thanks Conradmum,

Yes, I see your point too,

Real friends should be there to help and should support you too.

Its so hard sometimes

Thank you

ginabling

January20 wrote: »

These people are not your friends! Get them out of your life. Concentrate on what is important to you: your son and your home. You will soon feel much better!

I like your honesty!! Ha Ha

Its always the best policy!

Thank you for your support I really appreciate it

Thank you