HELP desperately needed, son in debt!

worriedmum2

Hi everyone,
I am new to this board so please forgive me if this should have been posted elsewhere.

My son is in debt. Not a huge amount but it is causing great problems.
It all started with university and has just been compounded with interest.
He owes in total, between his student bank account and credit card, about £3000, as far as I know. He hated university and dropped out, then got sacked from the next 2 jobs..he has a major attitude problem. Since then he has retreated to his bedroom, sleeps all day and is up all night...largely I think to avoid everyone who has run out of patience with him. He was depressed but now I think he has just got himself in a rut that he can't get out of. He signed on for a while but isn't even doing that now...he didn't get out of bed to go down there and he is just living off me. I give him no money in an effort to motivate him but I am giving him a roof over his head and providing food. He never goes out, as he has no money, and has lost all his friends, noboby contacts him anymore. His Dad and everyone else tells me I should chuck him out but I just can't do that, probably should but I would worry even more about him and I think it would just make things worse.

The problem re his debts is that he is doing nothing about it and I can't get him to wake up!! We are having endless rows as I am taking dozens of calls from his creditors chasing him and now letters have started coming, which I am now opening, threatening legal action, bailiffs etc.

I have told him till I am blue in the face that ignoring things doesn't make them go away and that he needs to deal with it but I get nowhere. He did finally speak to one of them ages ago and agreed £14 a month, the first 2 months I paid for him but then he has done nothing since. I can't do anything because of course they won't speak to me because of data protection and he is nearly 21.

I have told him that everything is solvable if he would just make the calls. Also that he should try and get the debt reduced and see if they will take a lesser amount in full and final settlement, as it has grown so much due to interest. Anyone got any advice on how to go about getting it reduced?

He has got a little money coming to him from his Dad for his 21st and he could use that, shame because it is meant to go towards a car, but then that's just tough. I have read all the advice on this site and given him the telephone numbers to ring for debt counselling but he has done nothing.

AAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!

This situation is driving me crazy and making me ill. I am also worried about the impact it will have on my address, mortgage etc. and what to do if the bailiffs arrive...the only assets he has are what is in his bedroom which is nothing really, a very old computer and some clothes...and the state of his bedroom I doubt they would want any of it anyway!

Anyone got any advice? I am at my wits end.

MissEyre

I think you need to get him to your GP-it sounds like he is depressed, and you won't get far trying to get his debts sorted out if he is so down he can't even get out of bed in the morning. Or get your GP to come to him, if you really can't get him to go...it sounds like you are trying to support him, and I don't think throwing him out would help-get a medical assessment, antidepressents if necessary, then make a plan about the debts with him. The CAB can advise, or any of the free debt charities which you have tried, and try not to worry about the impact on your address-checking your credit file can reassure you that you haven't been affected. Hugs! x

aligerdie

hi! :hello:

Wow, sounds like you're having a struggle there, but hats off to you for standing by him and not throwing him out like has been suggested.

I don't have too much to say consrtuctively about his debt as there are very clever people on here who know their stuff far more than me.

One thing that has stood out though is the fact you say he had depression.

Has he taken any medication for it? It might be an idea to get him to go to the doctors. I suffer from depression, and although i'm not as bad as I was, I behaved in the same way. I could quite happily stay in bed all day, wouldn't go out, lost touch with friends and my parents were tearing their hair out. One issue i did have was the fact they thought i was lazy. I wasn't I just did not mentally have the urge to get up and do things, i could not be bothered with anything at all. Its a horrible feeling and I know that only people who have suffered it can understand it.

Maybe if he can get that sorted he'll have more drive to sort himself out.

Sorry if i've rambled a bit, hope you find a solution soon. xxxx

aligerdie

MissEyre wrote: »

I think you need to get him to your GP-it sounds like he is depressed, and you won't get far trying to get his debts sorted out if he is so down he can't even get out of bed in the morning. Or get your GP to come to him, if you really can't get him to go...it sounds like you are trying to support him, and I don't think throwing him out would help-get a medical assessment, antidepressents if necessary, then make a plan about the debts with him. The CAB can advise, or any of the free debt charities which you have tried, and try not to worry about the impact on your address-checking your credit file can reassure you that you haven't been affected. Hugs! x

snap, just took me sooooo long to type! x

MissEyre

Tell me about it aligerdie, I keep cross posting too! x

aligerdie

MissEyre wrote: »

Tell me about it aligerdie, I keep cross posting too! x

:rotfl: :rotfl: perhaps i should just give up....or type faster!

boredofbeingathome

You can get a letter of authority to act on his behalf, and that way if you start the ball rolling it will halp. Has he any siblings he can talk to? It's going to be another tricky one getting him down to GP's perhaps book appointment but make it a joint one in both of your names, that way you will get double time and talk together. Regarding friend front, are there any old mates on the scene whose name you can mention so that he may get in touch. is there a local drop in centre for young adults in your area?Any friends of yours who have job openings- i know this may sound a daft one but sometimes with a bout of depression and the negative cycle of not being in the career they want to be in etc. that any job where they can succeed in will boost their confidence. Were the reasons he dropped out of uni behind this? If so would it be worth getting him down for a good chat and seeing if you can't get him on a course nearer home. Don't chuck him out unless he is being violent, if he's so unhappy he needs your support and help to get over this and i know you wanted the money to go towards a car but in the end it may just be the boost he needs to kick start him on the road to sorting his life out.