me too

gas4me

Been searching around the site taday and come across this.
Glad to find its not just me in this situation

I personally hade cc debts of approx 10k and a loan of about 7.5k to pay off over the next two years. I thought that was all the debt that my wife and i had together untill since xmas my wife has been getting calls in the evening from egg, hsbc,halifax,mbna etc. when i challenged her about she became very defensive and refused to share the information with me so that we can sort it out. This has now caused some major rows between us ( we havnt ever argued in 15 years of marriage) and I now feel that we are on the verge of splitting up over it.

I would be grateful of any suggestions for resolving some or all of my problems, I cant eat or sleep with worry

hopeless_case_2

gosh not worth splitting up over she obviously owes alot and does not want to tell you.Maybe you could show her this site,tell her you can help her and you dont want to argue. good luck.

Mupeteer

This is a difficult situation for you both. Your wife is probably feeling embarrased and ashamed (as many of us here have been) about the debt she has amassed.

If she will not talk to you face to face perhaps you could write down your fears and explain that you only want to work this out. By letting her read this you should be able to keep emotions out of it so everything stays calm.

Once she has told you you can then take it from there to work out how to sort it all out.

I wish you luck. Remember that there are always people on here you can vent to if it all gets too much or if you need some support.

tesuhoha

Say to her in a calm pleasant voice - look I really don't care how much you owe. I promise I won't freak out/hit the roof whatever the amount because it is a whole lot worse not knowing what the problem is. I would rather know so that we can sort it out as a united couple/family rather than let it tear us apart and that is what it is doing. Is that what you want or are you going to be reasonable. Theres no point in hiding it as I will find out eventually anyway and if you tell me then its much better coming from you. I just want to discuss it without emotion. I want to try to sort it out- I dont want a row.

gas4me

thanks folks have tried all these already and getting nowhere, she just shuts me out and says she can,t see a future for us. Can't think about how i'm gonna miss out on my kids growing up

Life is sh*te at the moment

SpongeBobSP

I am sorry to hear of your situation. Sometimes life does seem like its not worth living. Please hang in there, and good luck and prayers.

chevalier

How desparately do you want to know? You could hunt around the house for the statements. This is going behind her back and only you will know whether the knowledge is worth the pain that might come from her finding out you know this way.

Likewise you could get her credit reference report. But again I would imagine this wouldn't help your relationship any.

Is there a trusted family member who you could confide in, who could help your OH face up to her problems?
chev