Whats the best thing to do?

moonlightpjs

Hi folks
though this is nothing to do with our debt, some advice would be most welcome, about 3 years ago my brother lost his job, had his house broken into, neighbours threatening him etc etc (most of which i must admit was his own fault) at that time he was in a lot of debt and there were CT baliffs knocking at his door, I tried to help, gave him lots of money, asked the creditors to deal with me and I made the minimum payments on his debts. Things escalated with somebody setting to fire to his house which he then had to sell, he sold it for more than the amount owed on the mortgage but still refused to pay his debts - at this time I stopped paying them as he had money left over from the sale of his house.

He then lived with my parents for a while and within a couple of months got a brand new Housing !!! Flat and went back to college - he did 2 years there and is now at Uni. I have no contact with him since my husband thumped him (another story but it was justified) according to my Mum he has now changed his name (surname) due to being frightened of his neighbours finding him

But I still frequently get letters to our home for him from DCA;s, OC's etc asking for money/threatening court action etc etc. Now the threats dont bother me - I know they cannot do anything but today has broken the camels back so to speak, I've had a letter from his old mortgage company saying that there was an amount he didnt pay off the mortgage when he sold his house and he had an arrangement with them which he has not kept to for quite some time. I phoned them and explained the situation and told them I dont know his address (I do though), they said he was traced to my address a week ago and could I get his address for them, normally I just phone the companies concerned back and say he doesnt live here or send the letters back, marked "Not at this address". Anyway, I contacted my Mum by e-mail today and said I've had enough, I'm giving them his address - I get on average 2/3 letters a week and now my Mum has fallen out with me, says I cant give them his address, he cant afford to pay, he'll sort it out when he gets a job etc etc

So, any ideas welcome, hubby is of the strong opionion that we should just give them all his address, says it not down to us and we shouldnt be getting any letters for him. He said my Mum talks bullsh!t etc (no love lost between them)

Should I just keep doing what I am doing, returning the letters etc or should I just give them his address and let him sort it out himself (and fall out with my Mum - she can see no wrong in it) We are hoping to move in the no so distance future so dont know what will happen then or if it will affect us

Or am I just being mean

consultant31

He's an adult, he has to learn at some point to sort out his own problems!

I would give them his address and tell your Mum you're not bailing him out any more or he's never going to grow up.

Sea78

Given the history, I think I would also give them his address, but I feel that it'll be a difficult decision.

Sea xxx

elantan

weller i would give then his address as well you dont want any more hassel its his debt not yours let him sort it out

Snaggles

Hi Weller - I was just about to PM you (about something else though, not this ).

I'm tempted to agree with your hubby hun - you have been through enough and are finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I would contact your brother and give him one final chance to contact them himself, and if not I would give them the address.

The only thing that I found a little bit odd was that, when you sell a house, the funds are paid to the solicitor, who pays off the mortgage, so it's a bit strange that there can be monies still outstanding. I would maybe offer to help him get some letters sent off (I know you are an expert in this field ) to confirm first of all that he definitely does owe the money.

Good luck and you know we will support you, whatever you decide.

chookwoose

I think I would also give them his address and he can sort it out himself. Sounds like you have helped him a lot, with little or no thanks.((hugs)) x

spud30

I agree it's a difficult decision. Only you knows the full story. and how much trouble it could cause with the rest of your family .

If it were a relative of mine, I would give the DCA an anonymous tip off of his whereabouts/new name.

Why should you have the hassle? He doesnt seem to appreciate what you've done for him in the past, so let him sort things out for himself

Good luck with whatever you decide x

moonlightpjs

I know you are all right but its really hard - I've told me Mum to ask him to ring me but he probably wont. I would help him though but he is a very difficult person to deal with and he wont come to our house, even though I have offered, to see Mollie (shes 20 months and he has seen her once), he doesnt want to see hubby but as he is/has been at work I cant see the problem.

Snaggs - The amount outstanding from the mortgage is just over £1000 and I think it was an early redemmation fee or something - not sure

chevalier

Hi Weller
My first thought was that if you are moving then the problem would no longer be yours, as you would only redirect your mail?
My second thought was that it sounds as though he has had his hand held a lot both by your mum and by you, and that he hasn't appreciated it at all. Nor does he appreciate the aggravation that he continues to cause you by his thoughtless behaviour.

It makes me think, that as long as he can go blythly through life confident that if he mucks up someone will help him, then he is not going to grow up. So I would tell then his new address, or else tell the DCA's your mums address! (but that is a bit evil)

I would also check your credit file to see if you have somehow become associated financially. If so then you can put a notice of disassociation on your file, which might stop some of the hassle.

chev