ADVICE REGARDING CHILD AND CAN I CHOOSE WHO CARES FOR HER IF I DIE (long read)

sassi

if this in the wrong place feel free to move - was unsure where to post....


Hi, i've never been on this part of the forum before, and have very little knowledge of these subjects so firstly i wanted to apologise in advance if this has been asked before, or if its a silly question.

I have an Autistic daughter (as you can see from my signature) and i split up with her father almost 5 years ago. My current partner is who is the dad to her. her father never has nor will be able to call himself her dad...he sees her about 12 hours a YEAR!!!!

(SEVERAL VISITS PER YEAR FEW HOURS A TIME)

he did not even send her a birthday card this year.

I am 28 years old, so am hoping i have some years left in me yet, but am thinking about her future and what would happen if i died. I am not married so my partner would probably have no rights whatsoever to be her guardian?
is this correct?
can i detail my wishes in a will - or other document, and would this be carried out?

i doubt her father would even try for custody, but you never know, so would like to draw up some kind of document that could prevent this.

As she is Autistic, she despises changes to her routine too, and if she were to go away from her 2 brothers (who i had with my current partner) she would really struggle to hold things together mentally.

The other option would be my mum / dad if they were still alive and i died. could i put them down to be her guardians / look after her?

any advice?
hope this makes sense.....?

seven-day-weekend

AFAIK you can specify a guardian for your child - in fact this is one of the purposes of a will.

I'm sure if the guardian is suitable your wishes will be carried out.

Is there any reason why you can't marry your current partner (especially as he is the father to your sons/her brothers) and then he could adopt her?

sassi

I hope we will be able to afford to marry at some point, that is why we haven't so far.
Would i have to have the fathers permission, to have her adopted by my partner?
he is named on the birth certificate, but does not have parental responsibility, as her birth registration was before that law came in.

seven-day-weekend

Sorry, I don't know whether you would need his permission. I would assume so.

It doesn't have to cost a lot to get married .... you can do it in your lunch hour! (Sorry, that's none of my business, but meant well).

destiny_star2006

lol at ure post seven day hehe not laughing at the original ? but maybe us girls want marriage to be a bit more special than during ourr dinner break hehe made me laught sorry going ot

zfrl

I thought you could adopt now without being married - someone might be able to add more info.

seven-day-weekend

destiny_star2006 wrote: »

lol at ure post seven day hehe not laughing at the original ? but maybe us girls want marriage to be a bit more special than during ourr dinner break hehe made me laught sorry going ot

The MARRIAGE is of course more special and important than that. The WEDDING doesn't have to be.

I can quite understand that some people want the wedding to be a bit more special than that, but felt I had to point out that all it NEED cost is the cost of the registrar and licence!

I actually know someone who got married during their dinner break, they did it so that the husband would have rights over their expected child, which he wouldn't have done otherwise.

That baby is now 30 and they are still together.

By the way...I'm a girl (well female!) too!).

sassi

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

The MARRIAGE is of course more special and important than that. The WEDDING doesn't have to be.

I can quite understand that some people want the wedding to be a bit more special than that, but felt I had to point out that all it NEED cost is the cost of the registrar and licence!
.

this makes a lot of sense...thats probably how we'll end up doing it....i can always dream of having a big wedding though:o

thanks everyone, you've been really kind, though i still don't know where i stand legally.

olly300

sassi wrote: »

this makes a lot of sense...thats probably how we'll end up doing it....i can always dream of having a big wedding though:o

thanks everyone, you've been really kind, though i still don't know where i stand legally.

Lots of my friends have got married in registry offices and then a few years later they got blessed in a Church. The Church blessings have been like their weddings. And one of the reasons they have done it this way is for their children.

I personally think you should put more than one guardian down on your will for your daughter i.e. a aunt, uncle or cousin who is your age or younger and name a guardian for your other children. That way they will all be looked after.

Primrose

I do think in your case it's advisable to have some "reserve" guardians in the unfortunate event that you and you partner died at the same time, i.e. in a car accident. A solicitor will be able to advise you and also how to set up any trust funds for any life insurance policies you may have which could be for her benefit. Incidentally, if you and your partner do have any life insurance policies, and you are each other's beneficiaries, you can generally obtain a simple form from the company to sign to put the benefits "in trust". This would ensure that the money could go straight to the beneficiary rather than having to wait to be included in a Will going to probate. This might be worth considering especially if you are not yet married with legal marital rights, and could also help if money was urgently needed for the care of your daughter.

seven-day-weekend

olly300 wrote: »

Lots of my friends have got married in registry offices and then a few years later they got blessed in a Church. The Church blessings have been like their weddings. And one of the reasons they have done it this way is for their children.

I personally think you should put more than one guardian down on your will for your daughter i.e. a aunt, uncle or cousin who is your age or younger and name a guardian for your other children. That way they will all be looked after.

We got married in a registry office because at the time we didn't have any religious belief. Then thirteen years later when we both came to faith we had a church blessing and retook our vows (not because we felt we were not married, we just wanted to make our promises before God in public). We've been married 37 years this year.

I know we did not do this for financial reasons, but nevertheless if you do it this way you can have TWO weddings!!:rotfl: