Here we go…

futuremewillthankme

I have almost £40k worth of debt due to initially an abusive relationship leading to depression, then followed by struggling to decrease it due to the monthly payments. I took the bull by the horns yesterday. I have cancelled my direct debits. I have tried contacting Step Change and Payplan without much luck yet. From what I understand though it will take time now for my debts to default and then the next steps begin.

In the meantime I am going to be the best budgeter there is! Ok, well I’m going to try my best. I am single mum of 2 boys. They’re with me half the time. I sat last night and worked through my Starling pots. Changing them, making them hopefully work for me.

There are so many different things I want to discuss, but I’m going to keep this first post short and sweet, and then come back tomorrow with a little more.

As the title says…….Here we go…

futuremewillthankme

My head is buzzing this evening with the things I need to be doing so I thought a list would be good (and hopefully mean I can sleep!).

Things I need to do:

• Start a new email address just for creditors,
• Update email address on my accounts,
• Check what subscriptions I have with Nationwide and change details over to new account,
• Look at the best way to budget groceries and petrol (there’s always too much month left at the end of the money),
• Make a list of cheap/free things to do with my children (9 and 13).

Things I need to stop doing:

• Buying wine/beer. I drink a lot less than I used to, but still spend far too much money on it,
• Buying books. I love books. However I have so many I haven’t read, as well as a perfectly good library card,
• Food shopping without a meal plan……need I say more?
• I am a little scared of mentioning this…….mounjaro. I have been on it since March. I am 3 stone down. I need to stop for financial reasons, but for my mental health I have decided to keep it going until after Christmas. Will look at this closer then.

Recent achievements:

• I have recently changed my dog’s food (he eats raw) from a big named brand to a lesser known brand (but ingredients still as good). It has reduced his food costs from £2.95 a day to £1.66.
• I have a £50 Amazon voucher from doing online games, as well as £23 in Amazon credit from a return. That will be put towards Christmas.
• My son wants a Switch for Christmas. The cost of a new Switch 2 was horrendous so we compared the Switch 1 and Switch 2. He agreed a Switch 1 would be great, so I ordered a refurbished one with 12 months guarantee and also used a 10% off coupon today. Still a lot of money, but about half what the Switch 2 would have been. Also, I had the money in a pot for Christmas so not used any credit.

Upcoming Concerns:

• My car is going in for an MOT on Friday. No idea if it will pass or not. I have put £100 aside (which I know won’t get me far if there are issues, but I did need 4 new tyres during the service this summer so at least they should be fine,
• A few planned events coming up. I have set up a pot for my personal spends which this money will come from, but I need to make sure I budget and stick to it,
• Christmas and one of my children’s birthdays (because obviously having a child close to Christmas was a great idea 🤣🤣). I have been putting money aside, but not as much as I wanted.

Ok, I think that’s a good starting point. Not too overwhelming.

Rhyddid2026

Welcome! It sounds like you've made an excellent start. I can't wait to see how it all goes for you. Future you may have a few wobbles along the way but will definitely thank you.

futuremewillthankme

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/82191356#Comment_82191356

Thank you (or diolch as I’m guessing from your username we’re from the same country!). I’m hoping that by posting here I’ll have somewhere to share my wobbles and talk through them (even if it’s with myself).

My whole idea of writing lists to help with sleep didn’t quite go to plan. On the positive side, I have created a new email address and updated all my credit card details with this new email address. Whilst doing this I checked the balances of all accounts and my total owed is: £39,287.99. Ouch!

I really do need to try going up to bed now. Goodnight!

honeybee1234

You're being very thorough and thoughtful which is great! I enjoy finding budget activities for my kids. You didn't mention their ages but there's plenty out there. I find it's great to plan school holidays beforehand by scouring online, there's often a lot of free or minimal activities on, particularly by the council and I see a fair bit of stuff in our local shopping centre which may be useful for you, again depending on age?

Christmas is an especially good time for there being a LOT of things happening so worth starting to research locally now in case anything needs booking!

ArtyJ931

Well done. You sound like a woman after my own heart! There are actually not too many diaries on here of people actively going through debt management so it'll be great to have another one to read :)

Re: dog food. I have 3 dogs and switched from 'dog food' to raw+ natural kibble, then raw + potatoes/ rice and vegetables and then final switch was to normal regular run of the mill human food! It is far far cheaper than any alternative 'dog' food. For 3 dogs it costs me less than 7.00 a week to feed them. I buy 3kg of potatoes and they have jacket potatoes with veg every night (the offcuts of my veg - broccoli bits/stalks/ the ends of green beans/ carrots etc) and I split a tin of tuna between them.

They also have cereal for breakfast lol (rice krispies or corn flakes usually). In addition they will have the odd out of date boiled eggs, packs of ham, etc that are yellow stickered. They LOVE their dinners now. Basically I just thought one day 'I've managed to feed 4 human beings and keep them alive and healthy to adulthood, why on earth do I think I can't do the same for dogs??' and of course the answer is that powerful marketing has convinced us otherwise. As a child my family dogs had cereal for breakfast every morning and leftovers for dinner and lived for 17-18 years+

Look forward to reading your diary :)

futuremewillthankme

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/82191395#Comment_82191395

My boys and 9 and 13 so I think I’ll need to put effort in to find enjoyable things for them. I do have an annual parking pass for a local country park so should use that more. There are plenty of beaches and nice walks around me. Just need to have a good look for other fun, exciting things.

futuremewillthankme

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/82191399#Comment_82191399

Thank you! I will definitely look more into more human food for the dog. He does share our meals that are good for him, such as a roast dinner when I make one.

I read through your diary last night (and may have stolen your ideas for lists, my brain loves a list). I will definitely be referring back to it as the weekly updates were great to look at. You’re the reason I set up a new email address. It’s great to have someone roughly 6 months ahead of me so I can have an idea of what to expect.

futuremewillthankme

Good morning. I thought I’d explain a little about how I got here. I did have debts years ago but managed to clear them and had been living debt free for a long while. My marriage ended roughly 5 years ago (very amicable, we grew apart) and I stayed in the house and remortgaged to buy my husband out. I did have a little help from my parents too with this which I have been paying the interest on (and that ends in just a few months, but is a small amount).

9 months after my marriage ended I met someone. I fell head over heels. He was everything I had been missing in my marriage. It was perfect, initially. By the time the red flags were waving in my face it was too late. I stayed with him for just over 2 years. I learnt that he was a narcissist. I have read so many definitions of what a narcissist is since, and he ticks every single box. I went from being someone happy, to being on antidepressants for the first time in my life within 9 months. I spent so many weekends in bed, alone, crying due to his behaviour towards me. I was a mess. I started spending more and more. I think that was because it was something I felt I could make decisions on. I also started drinking too much and gained a lot of weight.

I eventually walked away for the last time 2 years ago (I had made many attempts before that). He does still, 2 years later, try to get in touch every now and again (I have used the block button on things I didn’t know I could use it on!). I have spent the last 2 years working on myself. I love my life now. I am so happy. I am still on antidepressants but have reduced them by 1/3, and plan to slowly continue doing that. I drink far less (probably still too much, but I’m working on that). I tried to stop the spending (I have nothing to show for it……no extravagant holidays, cars, or anything like that) but it reached the point that the monthly payments became so high that once I had paid them and all my bills, I didn’t have enough left to live on so kept adding to the debt. It’s a horrible, vicious cycle. I was switching between 0% deals but they ended and I couldn’t access any more.

That brings me to now. A very happy 40 something woman, with a job I enjoy, and finding positivity in every day. I have lost 3 stone of the weight I gained by using mounjaro (definitely didn’t help the debt situation but I have no regrets there), I have a gym membership that I use regularly (maybe frowned upon, but does so much good for my mental health and definitely worth every penny of the £35 a month I pay). I’m single (though do date...I could write a book with some of my dating stories!).

I finally realised on Monday that I couldn’t continue with the debts as they were. I just can’t afford to pay them and live. So here we are at the start of an extremely nerve wracking, but also exciting, journey.

futuremewillthankme

Today’s action plan:

• Work (I’m self employed and work from home),
• Housework (I’ve let that slip recently so have some work to do),
• Read (I haven’t picked up a book for about a week which is not good!),
• No unplanned spends. I have started Christmas shopping but if I do any of that it comes from the pots I have saved,
• Start a list of ideas for cheap/free places to take the boys,
• Look at how I budget for food/petrol and make changes so it works for me,
• Possibly a date this evening with someone I have known for a couple of years. We have been on multiple dates over the past 2 years, and met up yesterday for a walk after not seeing each other for about 9 months. I’m not looking for someone who is a massive part of my life, I want to slowly get to know someone and enjoy spending time with them when my boys are with their dad. I value my own space and time, so not looking for anything too heavy. He appears to want similar.

A ‘normal’ day really. But it could be productive……

ArtyJ931

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/82191422#Comment_82191422

so glad it’s useful. It’s what I would have found useful which is why I’ve written it as I have :)