How can I help hubby-to-be?

foreversomeday

I've been going out with my boyfriend for about 11 months now and it's becoming ever-clearer that we have completely different attitudes towards money.

He likes to live a lifestyle a long way outside his means, and he uses overdrafts to fuel it, increasing the limit until he can't any more and then getting a loan to push it back to zero. The bank loves him! They keep trying to get him to have a credit card too, which worries me to death because even though he knows he can't afford it he keeps absent-mindedly talking about getting one "for emergencies only" (fat chance of him keeping to that) and I've had to talk him out of going to a meeting they scheduled because I know they would convince him.

At the moment his debts are relatively low - less than £10,000 in total, but that still scares me because he doesn't seem to think it's a problem. He also wants us to have a big wedding and have children, which I know we couldn't afford at the moment (but he "promises" to change.)

I'm absolutely refusing flat-out to have any joint bank accounts, even savings accounts with him. I've tried to get him to come on this site but he hates forums because he's dyslexic and he doesn't trust people he doesn't know anyway. He'll let me help him get good deals by using the site, though.

Anyway - any suggestions, because I don't know where to start, I'm more worried than I care to admit to myself, and I love him and I just want to help. I'd love to hear from anyone as well who doesn't have money problems themselves as such, but lives with someone who does.

GreyPilgrim

Avoid like plague until he gets a grip on reality. Can you sit him down with his paperwork to show how his debt has grown over the years, and to suggest how, if he maintains this lifestyle, it will continue to grown in 2, 5, 10, 15 years, and what the interest burden on this will be?

jamtart6

my OH isn't lavish, and is quite careful with money to a degree but does have debt. We want to save for a house, I've got some money saved, and we are slowly getting a deposit together - but wheras I love this forum and think "tightening the belt" and all the challenges are quite fun (am i sad?) he thinks its a waste of time and when he does have money he occasionally treats himself (we always seem to be paying off another holiday hence the no money). It annoys me that I'm trying to do everything to save a few pennies, and when he does have some money his first priority IS NOT the house. I'm actually banned from talking about money now! I can't really help but I agree to not having a joint bank account with your OH yet. Perhaps realistically talk numbers with him or give him an ultimatum??I just wish I could get my OH to be as driven as me to save, but he won't ever change but that doesn't make him a bad person - we're just different!!

Skint_Catt

Do a predicted SOA trying to pay £10k off with all the bills and child expenses! The 'average' wedding I believe now costs £17k - how does he expect to pay for everything and still service this debt.

I don't think he realises how long £10k can take to pay off - especially with interest accruing!

foreversomeday

Well just before the weekend he decided to cut his overdraft again with another loan - and instead of going to Lloyds as he usually does I encouraged him to have a look round. He discovered that Lloyds' interest can almost double the amount he has to pay back, whereas another loan would save him about £1500. He was really shocked - and then found out he'd have to wait until after the weekend, wait for a letter and send it back before he'd even see the money, and almost changed his mind just so he could have it straight away. I nearly cried.

The big problem is he stands to inherit at least £25,000 in 3 years and he wants to use the interest from that to pay off the debts, but I can't see him getting out of the habit after that.

I can try to do a SOA but I really don't know what he does with his money - I think he puts most of it into fruit machines and xbox games, but we have a little bet on in my desperation - that he doesn't up his overdraft AT ALL until at least the end of the year without incredibly good reason. Hoping to break the habit and help him see how much he can save.

thecornflake

I used to be a bit like that. It'll carry on until he has his lightbulb moment. I can't remember what prompted mine. Adding up all the debt and the putting it into a snowball calculator and seeing how long it would take to pay off was probably the thing. Or having to use my Grandad's inheritance to pay off a loan.

Point out to him how much better it will be to have 25k to spend rather than using it to pay off the debt?