:( Forgive me follow MSEers :(

baxgttdi

....I've fallen off the band wagon over Xmas and I feel terrible about it. Not on the usual things such as xmas presents for others etc but I relapsed into my gambling nightmare (the first time in 8 months) and lost myslef around £400. Since starting my MSE journey in July last year I'd been pretty stringent with myself and was really starting to progress somewhere with my debts (not gambling related before anyone assumes) and was feeling upbeat, now I'm feelingp retty low to be honest. The hardest part about it is knowing that I've got another couple of weeks to last with not that much left and above all else the disapointment I feel with myself for being such a fool.

The only upside is, ulike the first time, I had the strength (if that's not laughable) to realise where it was heading to not only stop the gambling but contact customer unsupport and get them to put a hold (irreversible) on my account for 1 year which is something I guess. I put a hold on it rather than cancel it as this way I can't simply open another account as I could if I had closed it completely.

I'm pretty sure I've got a grip of myself again and I'm at a stage whereby I stopped before causing my finances and DFD any major damage but I just feel like I've let myself and oddly the people on this forum (is that weird?) down. Has anyone else got any similar experiences and how dow you keep yourselfon the band wagon or more importantly at the moment pick yourself back up after falling off?

Anyways I'm sure this post is a rather miandering pile of dribble but at 2am my head is a little worse for ware and I'm possibly not thinking straight. To be honest it jsut feels a bit better to write it down and known someone (hopefully) will read it and perhaps offer some advice.

Well I think I'd better drag myself away to bed now before this post becomes a modern day version of war and peace. Hopefully sleep should come easier than it has over the past 2 weeks now that I've gotten this off my chest.

Hmm that should be fellow not follow in the title DOH!!

Snaggles

Hi baxgttdi, firstly (((hugs))), don't apologise for falling off the wagon, most of us have done it in some form or another.

Secondly, well done for managing to spot the downward spiral and stop it before it got out of control. I konw very little about gambling addiction, but I know from reading some of the stories on here how difficult it is to fight, and how much damage it can do to your finances. So no, it's not laughable that you feel you found the strength to stop yourself, in fact it's pretty admirable.

I don't really know what to suggest in terms of stopping it happening again, but hope at least that you can stop feeling so bad about it now that you have got it all off your chest, and will leap back on the wagon and continue your journey....lol, that was cheesy, but as you say, it IS after 2am!

tealady

Hello. Don't beat yourself up too much after all failure is not the falling down bit its not getting up after. Yes you lapsed, so have many of us but you have picked yourself up again so give yourself a pat on the back and jump back on that waggon.

supersavershal

We dont judge here.Its a blip.We all have them.I too spent lots of money on cc over christmas.Put it behind you.Recognising you are falling is the hard part and you have done that.Move on.

immoral_angeluk

Oh hunny. Please don't beat yourself up, you should be proud that you recognised the signs before it was too late.. x

chevalier

You have done the right thing by recognising the signs and stopping in time. That is something to celebrate. OK you have lost £400, but it could have been £4000. So take something positive from the experience.
chev

baxgttdi

Thanks for the replies people, it means a lot. I guess as seems to be the common theme it could have ended up being a great deal worse and I'm trying to take positives from that now