53k in debt and finding ways of helping

Brie

Do everything with the creditors by snail mail if possible. This may mean dropping letters off at your local bank branch or similar to save on postage. The easier you make it for them to contact you the more likely they are to bombard you with calls/emails/texts and those are hard to keep track of what was said by whom to whom and when. With letters you can have a file for each creditor. Alternatively set up a dedicated "stuckformoney's debts" email account and say that you insist on all communication being in writing by post or to that email and nothing else. Not only does this keep things organised it can slow the to/fro or communication which will buy you time and also protects your mental health as you will be more in control and not feel harassed.

For food and other household essentials start finding out about non supermarket resources. Food banks, community fridges, community suppers etc. if you google "access to food map" you should be able to find something like this:

Access to Food Map

Many of these things are free, some need you to have a voucher from your doctor/school/DWP, some may have a cost such as £2 for a large bag of shopping. If you are in a food bank or similar ask the people running it what other places they can suggest if you need more help. Some places will have just tinned goods whereas others may have fresh fruit/veg/meat and freezer items. Find out if there's a local allotment that has excess produce being given away. Check freegle and your local facebook groups if anyone has excess as well - I normally find someone who has too many tomato plants in the spring and apples in the autumn this way.

RAS

So after rent and CT are paid, you've got £1900 + £980ish to cover all other expenses. You still need to sit down with the missus and work out what you can afford to pay for each category. Obviously, debt payments just aren't going to happen and you need to cut back on basics. And unfortunately, you personally are over the £50k limit for a DRO, otherwise I'd suggest that as an option.

Given how close the new term is, I'd suggest you also work out what the younger children need (not want, need) for the start of school and buy them when your last pay cheque comes in. So you are not scrabbling round at the end of the month. I'd be getting out their old winter coats and checking they still fit etc.

With respect to the food shop, look on youtube at WearyWolf Adventures and their £20 per person per week budget and buying. And challenges using the price of a meal deal or takeaway to cover a day's meal for one or several days main meals for the family. And try Backyard Chef for cheap curries and things like flatbreads. Yes, you can eat well on less.

Share those links with the missus and the kids to work out which meals they'll enjoy, and which they'll eat even if it's not their favourite. You will need to be eating pasta and checking out yellow sticker meat and veg going forward. As a family you also need to discuss things like snacks which might have been ad lib. There's nothing like one person eating all the goodies to create family friction.

It's going to be a challenge, because I'm guessing your family has been over spending near enough £10k per year for a long time. Even if you had the full job income, it's a massive shock to people who've been passively absorbing the benefits of your debts for years. It's not so much that your income's dropped as that you can no longer bridge the gap between your family's aspirations and your incomes with credit.

Once you and the missis have talked, you need to talk to the kids so they know there are no burgers on days out, shopping trips or on-line catalogues.

It'll be a while before the impact of non-payment of debts affects you practically. There will be phone calls, texts and emails. Ignore those but open letters and file them. You've time to look for new work and then plan. It may be you can start a DMP down the line. Or it maybe that you pay off enough to get the debt under £50k and then use a DRO.

Mean-time you desperately need an emergency fund. What happens if the cooker blows up? Or the fridge dies? You need enough to replace them. Even worse the LL finds out who is living in the house, or decides to end the tenancy. You are not on the books, so have no real rights. Put £100 per month into a separate account until you've got £1k as a starter. It's not savings, it's planning.

And really look at what you have been paying. You have two school children. How many times a month are they asked to bring money for extras? Or do a project that requires buying stuff? Where is that in your budget? It's that sort of thing that trips you up. Sort that type of adhoc spending out and you can then budget in a few treats instead of panicking every few weeks.

ManyWays

I’m down as living at my parents, it’s was her mums house which she rented before moving out. My wife can’t get her name on the books so we pay the rent. She was already living there with our 3 kids I just moved in when her mum moved out. 

This is not what you want to hear, but it is important.

You need to talk to your local Citizens Advice about this.
If you claim benefits now as living on your own, not having a partner, that may well be benefit fraud.
If you partner's mum house was social rented (council or housing association), then it is almost certainly in breach oif the tenancy for her mum to have moved out and for her to be paying the rent.

You are very close to needing an insolvency option if you cannot get a well paid job soon.