A healthier way to chase dopamine

Lolina

So, after receiving all the support and advice from the lovely people on this board, I am embarrassed and frustrated to admit that I have spent on my credit card again this evening. I spent £14 on two bags of compost for potting on my plants (fair enough, I need that, the poor plants are crying out for more room :( - though I shouldn't have put it on my CC). Then I went and spent another £40 in a mad, completely needless spending spree at M&S, on things I really don't need like chocolate, prosecco, ready meals (even though my freezer is bursting at the seams) and also some fresh fruit and nice salads. It was amazing how expensive it was for the amount of stuff in my basket!

I am so, so angry with myself. If I were more organised I could have taken food out of the freezer to defrost and eaten it before I left, rather than indulging myself with treats like I'm a toddler throwing a tantrum.

What I am going to do tomorrow is give my Tesco credit card to my mum, so that I have to ask her for it before I spend anything. She very much disapproves of frivolous spending! It's the only one I have still intact, as I cut up all the rest to stop spending on them. But I always thought I should keep one to use for emergencies. Seeing as I can't stick to that, I will have to give it to my mum, as mortifying as that is at the big age of 46. But I can't trust myself so I need to put a system in place to stop me. It is what it is.

Jemma01

Great, I would suggest you start with the classes, it's good to have an instructor that drives the class and would correct your form. You don't need to think or bring anything but yourself (and your water/towel). Lot's of lovely girls there as well if you wanted fitness friends. No one looks at you or cares what you're doing, we struggle together 😆

I've been doing classes for years, I find they push me to keep going, I'm not messing with my phone or resting for too long. I know a lot of ppl choose to self train once they've learnt the basics, but I just want someone else to do the thinking 😂

Lolina

Thanks Jemma, a class is a good idea. I definitely need someone to push me onwards or else I'll be too easy on myself haha! I'll have a look at the gym website and see if there's anything I think I could handle, as I am verrrrry fat and unfit. Love the idea of struggling together, I'll certainly be struggling 😅

13thlegion

I'm going to suggest redoing your SoA. And redo it regularly. In itself it can really help boost your dopamine for free (where now it seems to have lowered it). It is a tool that is great for both looking back and looking forward.

This first part isn't personal but will help you massively. We all do the SoA wrong to begin with and it takes a few tries to get a forward looking one that sticks and covers all we need it to.

Complete a full SoA. Base it on an average of the last 6 or 12 months. So include everything like food, presents, emergencies that happened spending even on CC. Where something's are not every month just do a total then divide by the months. E.g. of Xmas cost £600 then that is £50 over a year. Same for MOT and emergencies. This version of the SoA is to give you a detailed accuracy picture of what has brought you to this point. It can feel like a low, especially if it totals a negative but it is healthy to expect that if debts have gone up in that time. It can't hurt you and you have already taken the hardest step by starting this journey (well done!).

The second part is to write an SoA for the future. You can even rewrite it every month if you want to. This is a real budget in its proper meaning. Not meaning cheap but meaning a plan for every £ you have. I find this gives me a dopamine hit as a spender as I get to spend the money twice. Once in my head and then again when it does get spent. Again include absolutely everything. So food. Saving for emergency, saving for Xmas, holidays etc etc. break it all down to a monthly amount. Not only does it mean that you stop lurching from month to month with big expenses it is a great feeling knowing something is fully funded and paid for in advance.

For my own journey I set targets for things savings wise and treat each as a debt to myself that must be paid. I have an allotment so understand fully with compost. £5 every month gets set aside for compost (not even kidding here!) and when I need it the money comes from that. If I don't need compost then absolutely nothing else is allowed to take that money. Could I spend an extra £5 clearing my debt? Yes. But it would not sustainable because at some point my tomatoes would demand their grow bags! So pay yourself first, with plan.

AntoMac

There is so much good and varied advice/support on here. It’s great isn’t it? Really interesting seeing what others have suggested.

In addition to the gym exercise don’t underestimate the value of good old walking. I walk a hell of a lot. I have a minimum steps target on an app on my phone. Plus you get the added benefit of getting outside. I know it might not be so easy if you’re carrying some extra pounds but you can do it at your own pace and build it up. It also burns a good number of calories.

Catscoffeecake

I too like you spend on my credit card without thinking about it. Such a bad habit and so easily done.

But here are few of my thoughts

Use a proper soa, Google lemon fool and words soa it will then give you one recommended on here.

Menu Plan where you can and take inventory of what you already have and plan from that. Could you set a daily reminder in morning or before bed to take food out to defrost?

Most gyms do a free pass, maybe try it out with one of those.

Work out how much cat food costs based on average use. Then set yourself a budget from your £800 left over and stick to it. I find giving myself weekly allowance helps.

I second rounding your minimum payment up, and changing direct debit to that. Otherwise as balance goes down so does minimum payment so ends up taking longer to pay off.

vampirotoothus

Hi do you have any other credit cards? V x

Lolina

Thanks everyone. @13thlegion and @Catscoffeecake I agree I haven't done a proper SOA, I will look up that Lemon Food one and fill it out. It will be sobering to see what the true situation is, but I can't change it unless I face it and I LOVE the idea of having the money set aside for things instead of panicking and throwing it on the CC.

@AntoMac Walking - I like walking! And it's free :) I'm lucky to have a lovely forest park nearby so really there's no excuse for not doing it especially at this time of year (although here in NI we are currently having thunderstorms and lashing rain haha) Maybe tomorrow!

@vampirotoothus I have six credit cards, I listed them in my second post I think. Tesco, 2 x Halifax, MBNA, Virgin, and then a Capital One card with nothing on it. All of them are cut up though apart from Tesco, to stop me using them!

Okay going to look out that Lemon Food SOA now. I did a free trial of YNAB and found it really useful to 'give every pound a job', although I didn't really understand how to use it properly. Hopefully I'll have more success with this Lemon Fool SOA.

Lolina

Haven't updated my diary in a long while, although I've been reading others on and off - life got busy with work stuff and then I had the joy of jury duty thrown into the mix. Thankfully the jury duty is over, although the work stress continues.

Not much to relate, really. I got another free trial month for YNAB so have plugged my numbers into that. It's really eye-opening (putting it nicely!) to see that I have even less disposable income than I thought, when I account for spends that will come up in the future. The juggling begins! It's a challenge, and in a more terrifying than exciting way.

Ah I don't help myself though. This past week or so I've spent £££ on takeaways and ready meals for the evenings while I was on jury duty, as I was too stressed and overwhelmed to cook after the days sitting in court at a distressing trial. I'll be able to claim mileage and a bit of the food spend back on expenses, so that will help a bit. I need to learn to deal with stressful situations though, without babying myself by turning to food for comfort.

I've a work leaving do tomorrow evening, but I'll just go for the meal and not stay out for drinks afterwards. I've some mileage owing from work, so that will pay for the meal when I get it back in the next few weeks. The person leaving is a really lovely guy and has helped me so much over the years so I don't want to miss his send-off.

A nice surprise is that I got a card from my friend thanking me for some work I'd done for her back in January (for free) - she enclosed £100. I told her there was no way I was accepting it but she insisted. I'm very grateful for it. £50 of it has already gone to my counsellor, and I'm hoping that the remainder should do me for groceries for the rest of the month (not counting cat food for my three hungry gannets). £50 should do one woman for the month shouldn't it?! My freezer is full! 😬

AntoMac

Well the £100 is a nice kind windfall 😍

At least you’re much more aware of your challenge now. It could have got completely out of hand if you had carried on overspending.