Boss' comments - am I being over sensitive?

Loretta

It is difficult for us to know if your boss is behaving badly, it is not what is said it is the way it is said, and writing own what she said is not at all the same as hearing it being said.Some people are very clever about this and I do think that if you think it was personal and unkind you are probably right.

If she is this sort of person I am sure she will do it again. It is not so much that she has done this a couple of times but if you can show she does it on a regular basis and in front of co workers that becomes a different matter.

Make sure you write down the details of all the incidents including these ones and all future ones, I am sure there will be more to come. Make sure you put the date and time and who else was present and the exact words and in what context while it is still fresh in your mind. You will then realise how often this is happening and it will be good evidence if you need to take the matter further.

pickle

Your boss, in my opinion, has no business commenting on your personal affairs. The biscuits are just the excuse to have a go at you. If the biscuits were an issue and she was a reasonable person then she would take you to one side and mention something like "it's not really anything but some people are a bit miffed that you haven't bought in biscuits" but surely a boss has more important things to attend to. I think she is bullying you (and possibly others). Keep a detailed diary of things which upset you she remarks about and I would lodge an official complaint if it continues. If she says "your husband should get a job" maybe you should say "why's that then?". Put her on the spot and make her explain herself. Then follow up and say, "you've obviously put some thought into this, why's that then?". Maybe also say, "why, are you thinking of offering him a position?". But be careful. Don't let your guard down with this person she is not nice.

azjh77

Need to clear up the biscuit thing!! There are 2 bosses. The boss who made the biscuit comment has had a 'band' fitted and can't eat anything (and NEVER brings biccies in!) The biscuits were brought in by the other boss when she started about 4 months ago and they have been sat in the tin and no-one eats them. Very few people bring stuff in, it just stays there for ages. And we all bring cakes in on our birthdays.

"Ah now you see by the crack about her 'dumping the baby at nursery to earn beer money' you have proved you are as bad as she is. How do you know she isn't there at work as they need the money to support a dying grandparent in a care home or similar?"

This boss often comments on how well paid her husband is and she only comes to work to get out of the house and get extra cash for her luxuries (like beer!) She is very generous with gifts and time to us, letting us go early, buying drinks if you go to the pub with her (I never go as I don't like being bought drinks I can't afford to buy them back) and as a person she is alright, she is just a bit nosy and makes too many personal comments.

DaisyFlower

Just ignore the comments, I would never for one moment say you dont agree with childcare - if another person heard the comment then you may risk upsetting somebody else in the way you feel upset.

As for the biscuits, pretty standard remark I would have thought when working in an office - people do notice if you eat the goodies but never bring any in.

belfastgirl23

I think in your shoes I'd just laugh and say to the boss that if she wants to swap places with your DH he'd probably be relieved...or tease her about being old fashioned (no one likes this ). Get the point across with a joke with a jag and she hopefully won't say it again. but if this didn't work after a couple of goes, I think I'd just ask directly 'do you think it's wrong for a man to look after his children' and get it out in the open, but asked as a genuine question.

On the biscuit front why not bring in some fruit occasionally (when on offer obviously) - you'd make the point without obviously responding to her.

TBH i wouldn't be wanting to go the legal route unless it got a LOT worse - especially if you're the sole wage earner

macaroni

You just need to say if you dont eat the biscuits nobody will and they will eventually be thrown away.

As for the personal comment about DH, you could say 'why should he 'get a job' when hes happy doing a brilliant job being a house husband and looking after our 4 children, and Im happy being the bread winner'

ailuro2

how about making a fat-free cake for everyone?

Solves all problems- and when they ask if your hubby made it, say no, me and the kids did- I have time to spend with them after work because hubby looks after everything else around the house during the day!

Whether that's true or not!:p;)

Gingham_Ribbon

I would definitely bring in some H/M biscuits and if anyone commented about him getting a job again I'd ask directly what they mean.

Sounds like you've a good set up at your house!

Gingham_Ribbon

Lavendyr wrote: »

Also, many couples, even with four children, both have to work in order to afford to live, so in a way it is a little bit of a luxury for one of you to be able to stay at home and look after them. I'm not saying it's easy to bring up four children in any way (and I applaud you and your hubby for being tough enough to do it!), but if things are that tight, perhaps your husband working part-time at least is a possibility.

Just some thoughts, I hope they help

It's irrelevent whether some people consider a one income lifestyle to be a luxury or not. And the OP didn't say things were tight, she said she was working to a budget.

This problem is about someone not understanding the choice to look after one's own children, not about lack of money.

lilac_lady

It seems as though your boss resents you in some way. If you're not a mean person, always taking and never giving, ignore her comments. As far as suggesting that your husband find a job, maybe she thinks he's a benefit scrounger. Not that that's an excuse for her nosy and out of place comment about how you run your family.