Short Term Options during separation

Sloblock_oh

My long term partner and I have split up and she has moved out leaving our children and me in the house.

We had similar incomes so had always split the bills - since she moved out she has stopped contributing so my household income has dropped by 50% but all the outgoings remain the same - this isn't manageable and the property will need to be sold at some point.

In the interim I have been using savings to cover the bills, but realistically that's not sustainable for much more than another 6-8 months

I need to speak with Bank of Scotland to see if there are any options / support available to me, but I wondered if anyone had any experience so I can call them with some degree of knowledge on what they might / might not do to help?

Worried_fool

The obvious: she should be paying some chiild support. And of course if the property is jointly owned then she should be paying her usual share of the mortgage.

I suggest you explore these options before contacting the bank.

gwynlas

What are your long term plans?

Are you planning on buying her out of the house and do you meet th affordability criteria for increased mortgage?

As above she should be paying some child support unless you have negotiated jint child care

Sloblock_oh

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/81934613#Comment_81934613

Yep, fully agree, but she isn't and wont. I could be difficult and just stop paying the mortgage, but I have to consider that its joint so that will impact my ability to get a new mortgage and I will protect my children's home and security - she has a clear view that she wants the house sold ASAP so she can take her half and buy a house with new boyfriend (which is why I imagine she is refusing to pay anything to "force" the sale) - we can discuss the rights and wrongs, but I'm just concerned about the short to medium term so trying to understand if BOS might offer any support to make life a little more comfortable

Worried_fool

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/81935274#Comment_81935274

Just your first sentence: this sounds like a case for the Child Maintenance Agency (https://www.gov.uk/child-maintenance-service/how-to-apply).

I think you need a solicitor: a polite letter from a solicitor spelling out that (i) child support is a legal liability, and if she is unwilling to arrange it with you then you will be forced to use the government agency set up for this kind of situation; (ii) she is legally liable to continue to pay the mortgage, and if mortgage payments fall into arrears then her credit rating will be affected, potentially preventing her from buying another property.

Actually, I would hold back on negotiation with the bank until she has been made aware of how she would be affected by a mortgage default.

Sloblock_oh

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/81935245#Comment_81935245

Longer term the house will be sold - she is pushing hard for this ASAP, but obviously to me and my children its our home and we have an emotional attachment plus its located right by our children's school so any move will be disruptive for them. Its a fairly expensive area so any move will possibly lead to an area change and with all the disruption the children are dealing with I'm not keen to put them through that just yet

Buying her out is probably not an option - in reality I would need to borrow around 450K to clear the existing mortgage and buy her out - I estimate my affordability is probably around 250 to 300K so falls short

Yes, she should be paying child support, no she isn't. We have started mediation so maybe that will change in the future, but its not where we are today

freesha

Open a case with the CMS immediately. She cannot just 'not pay' maintenance.

Jemma01

I'm really sorry you're going through this, your care to protect your children's emotions and wellbeing is highly commendable.

Child maintenance needs to be prioritised, and also child benefit (depending on your income). Research what other benefits you might be entitled to. Push the two through first thing, then revisit your budget, your incoming and outgoing, it is unfortunate, but somethings your children may like to have will need to be cut back on. You need to plan for the long haul.

Another thing, create a written trail of you requesting the mortgage payments, giving her an account to pay to, and a deadline, and make it very clear that you will legally reclaim payments she hasn't made. Keep doing that, it'll help you when you make a recovery claim.

My heart aches for the children, they must be feeling abandoned 💔

ACG

There was a mortgage charter launched in the wake of the mini budget that means you can go interest only for 12 months - although I am not sure if that needs both of you to sign up for it (I imagine it will).

Speak to the bank, let them know the situation and they will hopefully try to give you a bit of leniency.

One thing I would say is that if you are sending up an arrangement with them - ask how that will appear on your credit report (and try to get it in writing). The amount of people I have spoken to over the years who went on an arrangement and were told it would not affect their mortgage - only for it to happen.

As others have said, at the same time you might as well crack on with the CSA. Hopefully you will start to see some money within 6-8 months (when the savings run out) so should help.

No matter how it ends up, you definitely have the better side - you have the kids! I would have taken my daughter 7 days a week without maintenance, given up the house and still had a smile on my face.

ian1246

Absolutely claim Child Maintainance. Who's the child benefit going to? Once you have evidence - such as her responding to you in writing/ messages - showing that she's no longer having thr children, contact HMRC & explain the situation to get the child benefit signed over to you.

In relation to the house - just bite the bullet & get on and sell. She is entitled to her share of the property & its unrealistic to expect to stay in it on a single income if you cant afford it. What's the alternative? You stay in the house until the kids are adults? Its the 21st century - its very rare courts grant that now (& your ex would still be entitled to 50% share at that point).

Much better to get the house on the market ready for summer!