Willpower

rhowes2000

Good afternoon,

I have just been browsing around the other posts and picked up some very helpful info, thank you! My girlfriend and I have managed to get into approx £23k of debt and have very little to show for it. Its putting a massive strain on our relationship now and its just so hard to see light at the end of the tunnel if you know what I mean? I am the major weakspot, I have no willpower when it comes to most things, especially money as soon as I have it, it's literally gone. I panic if I can't think of what to buy and most of the stuff buy is completely unnecessary (games, dvd's going for meals etc). If I stopped doing this I think things would improve a great deal. Has anyone got any tips for keeping the willpower/motivation up (apart from the obvious "you will be out of debt quicker!"). How do you guys get by?

Willsnarf1983

well obvious ones are

1)don't take ur debit/credit card with u for work or anywhere unless u REALLY need it.(stop ur impulse buying)

2) plan ahead, work out what ur gonna purchase on the day/week/month, look at the budget that martin did or make one of ur own on excel


if u want help from other people if u layout exactly what u spend money on in a month and the loans and credit card amounts and aprs i am sure the wonderful people on here will help u


Will

ms_london

Hiya Rhowes2000

Welcome to the boards :0)

Have you started to tackle your debt? Are you in the "slog" and having problems with willpower or havent started to tackle your debt?

If you havent done so already I would suggest doing a SOA (Statement Of Affairs) - list all of your incomings & outgoings, and then your debts (Creditor, i.e Barclaycard, your balance, the credit limit & APR) - you might be able to cut your outgoings without realising it. If you & your girlfriend live together & share bills (i,e rent, council tax) do a combined SOA, otherwise you should have a separate one.

Your first aim is not to spend above your means. So for the first month, you only spend the cash that is yours, and dont touch your credit card/overdraft/store card. This is an achievement in itself as a lot of people are so used to overspending each month, that its a real struggle to only spend what you have.

I am sorry to hear that the money situation is causing arguments. Is the debt a joint debt? What belongs to you & what belongs to your girlfriend? Games/dvds/going out for meals are nice to do at the time, but in 5 years time when you have no savings & more debts, will you really have anything to show for it? Willpower & staying determined is a tough one, i am strong when it comes to money, but for example have now willpower when it comes to dieting (its the same kind of thing), so i can completely understand where you are coming from.

As other people have found i think that you should reward yourself ocasionally with little treats, for example when you hit the under £20,000 mark, you & your girlfriend should have a £50 guilt free treat - or perhaps buy that new DVD/game you want, that way you will feel more determined to reach the next landmark knowing that a treat is waiting for you. You also need to think about what is important to you in the long term. Are you and your girlfriend looking to buy a house/go on holiday/have children/travel the world? All of these things need money & with a debt of £23K between you, this is something thats holding you both back & hanging above your heads, but if you feel you can live with that for all of your 20's and still be in debt in your 30's then thats up to you. How old are you?

I find that these boards keep you motivated, also try www.fool.co.uk > dicussion boards > Managing your finances> Dealing with Debt (also see Living Below Your Means). Its inspiring & encouraging, the same as on this board, to see that there are people in the same situation & you are not the only one - that makes a great difference.

Making budgeting fun, see how many offers & deals you can take advantage off, how little can you spend in a week, what can you do that are free (not everything involves spending money), could you sell some of your DVD's & games on ebay, become a DVD tart - take advantage of all of the free DVD trials that are around. Use the library. Talk to your girlfriend, make it fun - its much harder being single and in debt believe me!!! Could you cut your shopping budget? Do you take lunches into work? Could your girlfriend make her own beauty products? Cut her own hair? Have nights in with your friends, take it in turns to play hostess, visit each other each week, one brings wine, one brings food, one brings DVD etc etc.

Sorry to have rambled on, youve definately come to the right place, I hope we can help you stay on track.

Good Luck :0)

Ms_London xx

rhowes2000

Thanks for your reply Willsnarf,

I'll definitely stop taking my card out. better delete its details from Amazon & Play etc as well.

I was just looking at Martin's budget planner, going to give that a go cheers.

Our exact financial situation is this:-

Joint Monthly outgoings

Rent £550
Council Tax £84
Tesco Card £95 minimum payment (£3200 on card)
Sainsburys £105 (£5k loan over 5 years)
Lloyds TSB C Card £20 min payment (£1000 on card)
Lloyds TSB C Card £20 min payment (£1500 on card
Lloyds TSB Loan £40 (£1000 over 3 years)
Lloyds TSB O/D £20 (interest,always £2000 overdrawn)
Bus Pass £40
Contact lenses £10
Natwest £201 (£10,000 loan over 5 years
Mobiles £50
Water £23
Gas and Electric £27.50
Cats Protection £7
Cat Insurance £14
House Insurance £12
Sky £25 (including phone calls with sky talk)
Internet £35
BT £11
Food (home & work) £160

Total £1549.50

Incoming £1940

Left with £390.50

The amount left is certainly manageable, if only I didnt waste it!!

Willsnarf1983

it wud help if u know the APR's for the cards, and yeah close the accounts on play and what not to stop impulse buying

good luck mate

Will

rhowes2000

Thanks Ms London, obviously a lot of effort went into that reply and it is much appreciated. i'll look at your questions in order!

We havent really started tackling the debt we are just ambling along paying the minimum.

I have just started looking at Martins budgeting spreasheet so will start using that. Also we live together, the debts are in individual names but as we live together and our incomes are practically the same we are just splitiing everything

We really are determined to work on this debt 100% now, I will use what little willpower I have and hopefully when i see the benefits it will increase.

The landmark treats certainly sound like a great idea. I can live with that!! We really dont want to have this burden and we do have aspirations to get on the property ladder nd go travelling maybe but at the moment it is impossible with these debts. We are both 25 and now want to do the sensible things!

I can imagine this board does keep you motivated, helpful to speak to people in similair situations or people that have got themselves out of debt. I'll have a look at that website. Thank you.

I definitely out shopping budget could be cut, I am terrible when I get there buying anything I like the look of! THat is one of out first priorities. I do take my lunch to work, and my gf gets free lunches at work. Gf doesnt spend much on beauty products to be fair, doesnt wear make up and doesnt spend much on other stuff. Although her hair cuts could be cut from the usual £50! We have really cut back on socialising since we started renting together so there arent really many savings to be made there.

Thanks again, i have also detailed our outgoings in my previous post.

summerday

I can only echo Ms London's excellent advice.

Also sit down with your partner and talk about what you really want from life. If you one day want to have a big house or a decent car for example, you're probably never going to be able to get these things the way you currently fritter your money away on small things. Write these things that you really want from life down on paper. Think about how to direct your spending so that you can one day achieving these things that really matter.

Also try reading Alvin Hall's book Your Money or your life- don't buy it, borrow it from the library.

Try to see saving money as a game- when you resist the urge to buy something write down the savings so you can feel proud of yourself.

Sarah

rhowes2000

Thanks Saraht,

We really want to get our own house so that is definitely what we will be aiming towards. We might be offered a very good deal on a house through my girlfriends family, a house worth £160k in a nice area, for around £90k!! Only problem is, due to our debts we cant get a mortgage for that amount :-( so that has really made us determined to get things sorted.

I'll have a look for that book thank you, I am a keen reader and that was another outgoing I recently joined the library and I am yet to use it so now I have a very good reason to go asap!

I like games, so I thinks thats how I will see it, if I save the most in a month I will be v pleased!

Thanks again

Richard

System

Firstly, i would like to welcome you to the boards, your amongst friends here. I have just a few thoughts that may help you.

3 or 4 years ago i was in the privileged position to buy whatever i wanted, and boy did i buy!!!! My main thing was jewellery, clothes and cosmetics. None of them were cheap and i thought nothing of paying over £100 to try some face cream or a couple of limited edition items from one of the major cosmetic houses. Then, circumstances changed and i came back down to earth with a bump. I was fortunate, i didnt owe a lot on the credit card but boy did i find it tough!!

Even now, i get the temptation to spend and i dare not shop when i am depressed cause nothing on earth can stop me.

I find it easier to not put myself in too much temptation. Just a browse round my local Sephora would either make me severely depressed as to how sad my finances had become or i would blow a rediculous amount on something i didnt really need.

I now stop visiting the websites where i used to pay £20 for a bottle of shampoo (I kid you not), i dont go in stores either where i know i will be tempted. I overspend too in the supermarket, so i shop online now, where i have time to go over and over my shopping list chucking out the stuff i want but not really need.

After about 12 months i am getting better, i can actually think through my purchases whereas i couldnt before - i just bought!! A few tips i have for you.

1. Stop putting temptation in your way. Dont browse knowing full well you cant really afford it.

2. If you are determined to purchase something, dont act on impulse, leave it for a week. If you havent gone off the idea in a week, and still can justify it, go ahead and buy it.

3. Change your habits, my ideal day out was a trip to the local shopping centre where i could blow a couple of hundred pounds without blinking an eyelid, but now i look for things that dont cost so much. Maybe a trip to the cinema for two, visit a friend or two, maybe a trip to the pub (this works even better if you are driving cause you will have to drink coke all night). I love vodka and orange but always settle for half a lager and blackcurrent cause i still like it and its cheaper.

4. Compromise, somethings you cant compromise on, but why pay for a £20 Chanel eyeshadow when i can get something similar in Boots?

5. Also, seeing as theres two of you, you both need to address the issues together - if you dont, one person will be pulling the weight, and the other one will be blowing it - get my drift?

6. Reward yourselves at times. If you dont, you will end up as depressed as hell 6 months down the line.

Good luck with knocking a hole in your debt, beleive me, i can get more of a buzz now out of making a few quid then i did buying something (allthough i do slip up at times)